Wednesday, September 5, 2007

For the first time last night I had an anxiety attack

it wasn't pretty and I have never in my life felt so out of control with my body and mind.

I have been feeling it coming on for the past week, I was stressed, I was worried, I was letting doubt and what if's cloud my judgement and I was ALLOWING the negative energy to take over. I have to tell you, it's the worst feeling in the world. My heart was racing, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I had a chest pain, I felt crazy and nervous and shaky, it was just horrible.

This morning I woke up and I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I've backed myself into a corner where I do not like what I'm seeing. I remember a couple months ago where I was at my closest to God that I have ever been, my life was peaceful, it was calm and I was happy, extremely happy. Nothing bothered me, I put it all in His hands and I was content with what I had and where I was.

Then the news of the move to Arizona came and I felt myself engrossed in the planning and the packing, I didn't have time for prayer, I didn't have time to devote myself to the Lord and I slowly started slipping away, not even realizing where I was heading. I've felt distant the past couple of months and I've tried to get back what I had but I have to admit, shamefully so, that I didn't try hard enough. I didn't really devote myself to it, I wasn't putting my energy into it, it's almost like I adopted this lazy attitude, this complacence....."Oh I was there before, I'm sure I can just say I want it back and have it again". WRONG!!!!

Last night for me was a huge wake up call, it was that final push that I had to give myself. So this morning I cried and I begged and I offered myself to Him again and asked Him to forgive me and to please help me. I literally put my life into His hands and right away I felt a difference, needless to say, my anxiety today is minimal, I feel so much better and able to function and I'm smiling, thinking positive and looking forward to what life is going to bring my way. Praise the Lord, I finally feel I've turned a corner.


I had to get that off my chest before I could continue my post, you know when you get something on your mind and you just have to talk about it??? That's what I felt like.

Anyway, I sat down earlier and worked on my schedule, I needed to get it tweaked since the last time I drew it up, times have changed and things are a little different here, so I did that and tomorrow is my first day of sticking to it. We'll see how that goes.

I am so excited, one of my favorite bloggers, Kelli, said she had a great announcement to make and low and behold, she DID. We were anxiously awaiting the news but it was worth the wait. This is what she had to say:

Seasonal Delights is a quarterly online magazine for young ladies and their mothers, but can be enjoyed by anyone who loves celebrating the joys of each passing season! It is created and produced by my husband and me.

The first issue is 20 full-color pages filled with crafts, recipes, sewing projects, and many other Autumn-themed activities.

I about jumped out of my chair, are you KIDDING me, I've always admired Kelli and now to know that she has this gem out, yeah, I couldn't subscribe fast enough LOL

If you're interested go on over to her magazine site, Seasonal Delights and sign up.


Nicholas and I went back to the base library yesterday, we always have so much fun there, he loves the Children's Room as you can see in the pictures.

I'm going to keep this post short, whatever that means for me LOL, I have to start dinner soon and I also need to get some laundry put away.

I'm exhausted, that attack last night really drained me and I'm tired and I am counting down the minutes until bedtime. Hope you're all having a wonderful day.


Morning Glory said...

I'm so sorry you had the anxiety attack and have been so down. I'm also thrilled with your renewed sense of God and hope each day gets better and better.

Tashasc30 said...

omg! sweetie! I'm so sorry that you had to go thru the anxiety attack, I had those abt 4 yrs ago so i know what they like. and god took it right out of me now i dont have them anymore.I have you in my prayers that you will get thru this.
God Bless! Tasha

Nancy said...

Now that you have surrendered to God all the junk that is bugging you... Don't make the mistake & pick it all back up, let God be God & handle it.... Many blessings to you, were all out here for Ya!!!

Mari said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just keep giving all of it to God and he will carry you and your fears and anxiety. You'll be in my prayers.

FlipFlop Mom said...

I'm sorry that you had to go through that.. :( I hope you weren't alone!!! I know its a horrid feeling.. but placing it at the Lords feet was the best decision...!!! HUGS girl

Kelli said...

Sandra, I'm so sorry to hear about your panic attack. I had one a few years ago and it was very scary. I wil pray that what happened will draw you closer to God.
1 Peter 5:7

Thank you for sharing about our magazine and your sweet comments!! ((((hugs))))


Susanne said...

Oh Sandra, I'm so sorry you had to experience one of those. They are very scarey. Praying that the Lord just ministers His peace to you.

Renee's Ramblings said...


I am so sorry you had to go through this. Panick attacks are down right scary. Itis so hard sometimes to "let go and Let God" but definitely worth it! I'll be keeping keeping you in my thoughts nd prayers.

Org Junkie said...

Lifting you up in prayer.


gail@more than a song said...

I'm sorry about your bad times...good for you relying on the Lord and His strength to get you through!

smilnsigh said...

Dear One, do you really think you should put all this, to a relationship with religion? Could it be more down to earth? Could you actually need to see a doctor?

I know that some people put everything, in relationship to their God. But our body speaks to us, you know. It knows about itself and it often tries to let us know there is a problem. And we don't listen to the message.

Your body sent you a loud and clear message with a panic attack. I wish you would go have a check up.

Please just think about this?? Please let this wish of mine, mull over in your brain? Please...? Even if I have to be silly and say... "Do it to make an old lady feel better." There, shamelessly laying on some guilt!!! I should be ashamed of myself. But you know, I'm not. ,-)


Kitty said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about the attack!!! These are NOT fun, I know first hand. I'm glad you're taking it as a reminder to draw closer to God... in His hands is the best place for you to be!!!! =)

Barb @ A Chelsea Morning said...

Aw, Sandra. Panic attacks are awful. I had them EVERY night for six months. I finally couldn't handle it any more. I was beyond drained and exhausted. So I saw my doctor.

This was all three years ago. My mother-in-law had just passed away, in my arms. Three months later my stepmother died and three months after that, my brother committed suicide. My doctor diagnosed post traumatic disorder and prescribed Zoloft. I took that, combined with Ambien so I could sleep, for less than a year and felt like a new woman.

So I understand. This whole move has abviously been very difficult for you. But it sounds like you're coming out of it. I hope so.

Arizona is a beautiful state. But I don't envy you, going from Idaho to a climate that is simply unbearable until you master it and learn to live with it.

I know this has been hard for're in my prayers. Here's hoping you're about to feel like your old self again.

Not that you're old. You know. Compared to me. LOL

Michelle said...

I think I had a couple anxiety attacks after Kayla was born (at least that is the only thing I can think of as to what I experienced!) and it really is a rather frightening experience and you don't know what is going on. I remember feeling like I had a hard time breathing, pain and tightness in my chest - I would wake up like that in the middle of the night and it would freak me out which I'm sure didn't make matters better! I almost thought Joe was going to have to call 911! Sorry to hear you had to experience that!

Ladybug said...

Oh I am so sorry you went through that. Anxiety attacks are awful. I felt like I was dying the first time I had one. I am glad to hear you are doing much better!

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

I hope you are doing better Sandra! How completely frightening that must have been. I am so sorry that you are going through this dark time - I am praying for brighter days ahead.


Lisa said...

I know these attacks are terrible and frightening. I experienced them years ago and even went to some counseling to help deal with them. Even now, if I go through a period of prolonged stress, I can tell if one is coming on and do some things that can help so that it doesn't get a foothold. Prayers are going your way so that you don't experience this again. And also for your eye appointment. Hang in there! :)

Lulu said...

I'm sorry you got an anxiety, they are evil, i know..
prayers and huggs.

Just Another Day In Paradise said...

I've had a similar situation recently. I had a wierd virus this whole summer the Dr's did all kinds of tests and they all came back normal. God really used those months of being afraid to break me. I had a very similar night of completely breaking down and telling God I couldn't do it by myself anymore. That next morning is a great feeling of knowing you're back where you belong isn't it--right in God's hands with Him in control not you!!