Things you do NOT want to hear at the Girlie Appointment!5:50 PM
If you're a man, and I doubt I have man readers, but still, if you are a man, I suggest you stop right now and go do something else. It's not that I'm about to go into details of any kind here but I'm sure you don't want to hear what I have to say....LOL
So I'm sitting there in that nervous limbo, you know the time between the nurse asking the questions and the doctor coming into the room???
You're sitting there at the edge of that uncomfortable table/bed/thingamagig and you're looking around at the weird posters on the wall with all the way too graphic pictures and there's always that annoying little Pain Chart with the faces.....you know that one???
This really happy face for no pain at all and this distorted one with a lone tear for excruciating pain. I'm wondering why they don't have a chart for Most Nervous and then they could display those faces and have things like:
1 - Very Very happy to be here
2 - Not happy but not scared either, it's just so so
3 - This place is creeping me out
4 - Quick, think happy thoughts and imagine you're on a deserted island
5 - Get me the heck out of here, I would rather have a root canal
But anyway, I'm sitting there and the nurse tells me the doctor will be right in, she walks outside and closes the door and I'm sitting there, FULLY CLOTHED, sitting on the table wondering what is wrong with that picture, but I'm not complaining, after all if I can get away with doing this exam without any clothes coming off, it's A-OKAY with me. LOL
But she walks out the door and closes it and I hear her voice outside.....she said....well this is what I heard:
Nurse Letsmakethepatientevenmorenervous - "For the removal of an IUD, do we need the forceps???"
UH?!?!?!?! It's even worse that she was dead serious, she was asking an honest question not joking. Then she quickly rushes back inside to tell me that she forgot to ask me to get undressed. Bummer! I was rather enjoying conjuring up in my mind ways in which to get through this fully clothed. And then just to add insult to injury let's give us some paper duds to wear, you know the paper vest with the opening in the front and then this yard of paper to cover yourself up from the waist down. So now I'm sure I look wonderful, I have a look of absolute fear in my face from the whole forceps conversation and the weird posters on the wall but I have to worry that this stupid paper doesn't even cover my backside. UGH!
Long story short, the IUD was NOT removed, I just did my annual exam and got the heck out of crazy town. I mean honestly, is it not bad enough that I have to sit there and pretend that I'm interested in the small talk about the weather and the rising gas prices when there's someone down under, but then to hear them talk about forceps. Last time I got close and personal with one of those I was in labor with Jasmine and it was not a happy experience!
I should have just shouted out from inside the room "Forget the forceps, see if the local city crane is available". Absolutely ridiculous!
But it's done, it's over with and I don't have to worry about it again until next year. I have to be honest, it is one of those exams that I loathe, detest, would avoid at all costs, but every year, like clockwork, I go and I grit my teeth through it. I would rather suffer an hour a year and be sure that I'm healthy. Besides, if I didn't go I wouldn't have this to blog about would I?
I wonder what they would have done if I had taken my camera and started snapping pictures LOL I know I'm a little nutty but even I wouldn't go that far. LOL
So thank you all for your thoughts and I was so glad to read that I wasn't the only one that loathed this kind of doctor's appointment.....but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do right?
I'm off to read my new Taste of Home Annual Recipes 2008, it just came in the mail, and I can't wait to browse through it. Then I have kids to supervise with baths and homework and bedtime....after that I think I'll take a nice hot bath and crawl into bed with one of my Netflix movies. I have The Nativity Story and Wives and Daughters: Disc 1.
I hope you all had a good thursday, at least one not as weird as mine LOL