Friday, November 7, 2008

Being a Parent is tough!



It wasn't a good morning, as a matter of fact I can say that by the time I got in the car to drive home from dropping the kids off at school, I was in tears.

It started out with both kids having congested noses and little of the sniffles, they were just moping around this morning and didn't look like they felt very well, so I decided that I would keep them home and shower them with love, attention and fluids. I wanted to keep them so that I could fight this cold before it gets worse but I also relish every second spent with my children.

Within 10 minutes of calling the school attendance line, they were running around, yelling, fighting, and screaming at the top of their lungs.....the unwell feeling they had obviously gone. I warned them twice that if this continued, they would be going to school. It fell on deaf ears, they were more worried about bickering over who got what computer and who got to play what.....completely forgetting that they were home because they weren't feeling well and not home for a day of fun.

So I did it, I snapped, I yelled once and got their attention and then proceeded to get them dressed up for school, grabbed the backpacks and dropped them off. There were tears, there were pleas to stay home, there were sorry's being thrown left right and center. By the time they walked into their classrooms, Nicholas was fine but Jasmine being the girl, the hormonal one, had red swollen eyes. I explained to the teacher that it had been a tough morning and she was a little emotional, the teacher was very understanding and promised to keep an eye on her and call me if she wasn't feeling well.

I remember walking down the corridor to the building doors and feeling glad in a way that I had put my foot down and stuck with it, because honestly, and I'm being completely honest with you now....I far too often fall into the "threat without consequences" category.

"If you don't stop that, I'm going to......" "You better do this, or I will.........."

And you know what? NOTHING! So I'm proud of myself for sticking to it today but I tell you, as a mother it absolutely broke my heart. I feel awful.....tell me I'm not the only one to feel this way....tell me I did the right thing......having to leave them there and walk out the door took everything out of me. My head said keep walking, while my heart screamed "those are your babies, go back and get them".

So here I am, feeling bad, missing them like crazy but knowing deep down that I did the right thing. Though I do plan on picking them up from school early and taking them to lunch.....yeah I know, but they're my life :)

I would love to hear from other moms out there, tell me about your experiences with doing the right thing even though it breaks your heart.

32 comments:

momof4as said...

Yes, being a parent is tough all right, and I really think YES you did the right thing even though I know EXACTLY how you feel. And you know how it always is - so much harder on mom than on the kids!

Consequences are probably one of the biggest struggles parents face... following through with them... believe me when I say it's not my favorite thing either and I could use a lot of improvement...

I had to deny my four year old a trip to the beach with his older siblings over the summer (due to behavior) and it was probably the worst time I had with him ever, but looking back I know it was the right decision and I am sure you will feel that way too, looking back. But I know, it stinks to be the mom sometimes!! Hugs to you!

Heather

Amy said...

O man, Sandra... this part of being a parent is so difficult! My girlfriend and I were just talking the other day about how easy it seems to parent before 5, but after 5 it is just plain hard. ;) I think you are a wonderful mom, from what I have seen and read on your blog. And, yes, you did the right thing this morning..but man, it's so hard I know! Be strong, momma!! :)

Bless you today!

Mistress said...

Awe I understand what you are feeling!!!
My 3 year old pushes me so much!!! I go through with what I tell her but my husband is a complete push over, I can't stand it!

My Granny always says it is tough love!!

Doing the right thing is hard sometimes. Later in life they will thank you and you will really feel like a great mom who stood your ground and taught them lessons.

Isn't that what a mom is about?

Hope your day turns out better

Karen said...

Hang in there, Sandra. Not only did you do the right thing, but your kids will be the better for it in the long run.

Linds said...

You did exactly the right thing, Sandra. I have used the tough love approach to parenting with all mine, and they survived. They still remember some things. My sister overheard my oldest being rude to his Gran as a teenager, and banned him from visiting her for winter sports that year. He never made that mistake again.

Michele said...

I know how hard it can be, but you are doing the right thing. If you don't put your foot down, then the kids will run right over you. I may have been a little harder on my kids when they were little, but I didn't have many major problems once they were in their teens. My oldest even thanks me now. She married a guy who already had a 5 year old, and they have a toddler of their own. She tells me that every day she remembers all the times I was "hard" on her, and now realizes how hard it was being the mama, too. She tells me that without the tough love, she and her sister would have been little brats (her words!). Keep it up! It is in all kids nature to see just how far they can push you, so they know what they can get away with. You are doing a GREAT job!

Susanne said...

Oh it is hard! But just remember, your goal is longer term than just the moment. You did the right thing. Empty threats will result in kids disrespecting you as they get older. (Think teenage years.) Hugs to you though, because I know how bad you feel.

Tim, Allyson, Emahry, and Jonathan said...

I know how you feel. Sometimes it is so hard to train and discipline and be consistent, but it is the best thing for our kids. Hang in there, you did the right thing.

autumnesf said...

And then there was the time that the rest of the family sat down and ate her birthday cake while she was banned to her room.

Oh yeah.

Jen said...

I give in alot Sandra....and sometimes the kids dont respect me like they do Scott. I do however snap at times and it is hard being mom/wife/maid/taxi cab driver/counselor...you get the picture. I get overwhelmed like everyone else...but you did the right thing and that is what you really need to hear...they will respect you in the long run and that is what you want....I hope you have a better weekend....cheer up friend.

Morning Glory said...

The title of your post says it all. The decisions that are the right ones are so often the hardest ones. We all encounter it at some point.

I remember when one of my girls was a teenager and insisted on dating someone we knew was trouble. We just had such a bad feeling about him. We finally told her that if she didn't break up with him, we'd do it for her; it was that important to have him go away. She was furious with us and smoldered in her room for three weeks. She finally got over it and in later years acknowledged that we were right.

That didn't help it feel any better, but it was nice to have her admit it.

MoziEsmé said...

Oh it is tough! Sounds like you've got some things figured out, though...

We have been struggling with how to discipline our 19-mo-old - she's so little and so innocent, yet so naughty! And I hear it only gets worse, though I'm hoping she'll be able to reason one of these days... :)

Michelle said...

Yep it's tough. I want to pull my hair out and send McKenna to her room for a long time.I guess We both make her toe the line.( the former nanny in me??) It's hard more so when We have our friends DD with us whose one years old.She can be very feisty with McKenna who ends up in tears.I make her "serve time"in the little dora chair!!! I hope that the weekend is better..

Baca's of Bend said...

Hi Sandra,
I do not normally comment but because our day was much like yours I had to chime in.
I drove my 6 yr. old to school at 10 am this morning. My rule is no tv and a nap if she stays home sick. She decided she would rather go to school!Following through is so hard. Especially when there are days you just want to lounge and cuddle them all day.

Lulu said...

your kids are so adorable, i just looked at their school pics..
Hope they are feeling much better by now..Love the scarf and the color is so pretty..
happy knitting..

Heidi @ GGIP said...

I think you did the right thing. Their pictures are great! Jasmine is almost grown up!

All My Blessings said...

OH Sandra,
I have 3 daughters and when they were little things just got too overwhelming and it was easier to give in than to carry through with consequences. That was a huge mistake and now I'm paying for it. It is only now that I'm putting my foot down and it doesn't make me very popular. There are a couple of things that there is to consider. 1. If you don't carry out the consequences they don't learn to RESPECT YOU and you won't realize that until they grow older and they don't RESPECT YOU. Trust me you'll know it when it happens. 2. Every time you have to discipline them look directly in their eyes and they looking directly in your loving eyes and say calmly...Because I love you. Say this to them every single time and they will say it to you.....God Bless You and your children.....Kae

annie said...

You did the right thing. It is tough to be the "bad guy," but I think they appreciate us and expect us to do what we say. Matt and I were just talking about when Isaac gave Jacob Esau's blessing. (gen. 25) He could have easily taken it back when he realized he had been tricked, but his words were spoken and those words were important. The words we speak carry so much weight.

ya ya's mom said...

my shorty (4 years old) hit a 2 year old with a 2x4-like-ish baord at daycare the day before halloween...she didn't get to trick or treat...it was so hard...i blogged it if you want to read the details. hang in there, it's all worth it.

Loved Mommy said...

Oh I promise you did the right thing! I fall into the threatening with no follow through way too much! Love your blog!

Mistress said...

http://www.mysailorsmistress.net/

I tried to email you but i was not able to find that link.

www.mysailorsmustress.blogspot.com might work.

I love reading other military wife's blogs because we all go through the same things.


thanks for reading

Jennifer

Christina said...

Glad to see you're back too.

I am usually like you. I make empty threats, but when I do follow through I still feel bad. Usually I feel bad and then the kids just forget about it and I end up wondering why I ever felt so bad. You did the right thing. If everyone was feeling well enough to argue then I guess that's well enough for school. Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. You are a great mom and sometimes you just have to stick to your guns and try not to feel too bad.

Stephanie said...

I agree very much that you did the RIGHT thing. While it was hard, the will forget it by the next morning. Not only that, but you're setting a foundation that if they don't listen, you're not just going to stand by and let them walk all over you. You're helping them more than you're hearting them, I swear!

Simply-Mel said...

That old adage of 'it hurts me more than it hurts you' is so true, isnt it?

I never did believe my mom when she told me that but HECK - now I do!

imnisland said...

Dont you hate when that happens??! Parenting is rough, isnt it? Kudos to you for sticking to your guns & taking them to school! I just keep mine home b/c i know what happens. If I'd taken them or made them go, they'd beeline to the nurse's office & on the way to school I'd be to get them.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I completly understand how you feel (and apparently so do a lot of us)...following through on threats is key to getting your kids to take you seriously...it's not easy, but it is needed.

The trouble will be following through next time.!!

Sandy Toes said...

Being a mom is so hard!! I know exactly how you feel.. Lately, I have done "NOTHING"...and you pay for it as time goes on...then you have to pull in the reigns and that is hard!!!

hang in there!
-sandy toes

Sarah said...

Well done for sticking to your guns. I find it so hard. My tiniest Squidge can really turn on the charm and I tend to get the giggles, even if she is throwing a tantrum, she is so cute.

Children need boundaries and they need to feel secure in those boundaries. You did the right thing, hard as it was.

Hugs and love.

Desia said...

You did the right thing! (It's truly a case of it hurting you more than them!)

Michelle said...

I think you did the right thing! If they were feeling well enough to be doing what they were doing, they were well enough to go to school :) and the teacher assured you she would call if it seemed like they were too sick to be there. It is hard being a parent though! Hugs to you!

Melanie said...

Yes, I've been there. Sometimes I am so mad at myself for the consequences I've put forth that I have to follow through on! Good job being tough!

Renee said...

Oh Sandra, I know exactly how you feel but you did the right thing!