Monday, March 9, 2009

Being a mom is really frustrating at times....

I'm one of those moms that have learned that a common cold or flu is normal and for the most part, I deal with them at home. Lots of TLC, fluids, motrin and tylenol when the fever gets high and rest. In no time they're back to normal, but there are so times when even I admit defeat and make the trip to the doctor.

Like today....I've noticed that since Nicholas started Kindergarten, he seems to be stuck in a cycle of having a cold and then being fine and then having a cold again and then fine again and so on. It doesn't help that he goes to a public school and every day there is someone else sick, especially at this time of the year.

If you're one of my usual readers, you know that he's been sick on and off for the past few months, and when he started with the nastiest cough on friday, I decided I need to take him in. There's way too many kids at school right now with ear infections, pneumonia and bronchitis.

So why do I have the doctor make me feel like I'm over reacting and wasting my time visiting him when Nicholas is "in very good health and he looks just fine"? Nevermind the fact that he was running a fever and I gave him motrin about an hour before the appointment so by the time he got there he didn't have a temperature....I got the "is that all you needed? It's cold and flu season, there's really nothing you can do but ride it out?"

For a brief instant after leaving the doctors office I was so irritated and felt like marching back into that examining room and giving him a piece of my mind, but after a minute I realized "You know....I'm only a mother. I'm not a doctor and I'm in no way qualified to see the signs of something more serious....."

I did my part, I took him in and I feel a LOT better knowing that everything is fine and it's just a cold, imagine if I had ignored it and he got worse and I took him in only to get yelled at for waiting so long.

So tell me now? Have you ever been in this position where you literally feel like the doctor is judging your mothering skills or thinking you are panicking for no reason? I tell you, being a mother is so hard at times, I'm not perfect, I'm only human.

There are days that I feel invisible and I'm sure if you're a parent, and you are reading this post, you will know exactly what I mean. I don't doubt the love my children and my husband have for me, but sometimes I think it's easy to take for granted all the work that is done in this house, to just KNOW that dinner will be served, that clothes will be washed and ready to use, that whatever mess is left behind will magically get picked up.

As much as I love being a stay at home mom, wife and mother, it does get overwhelming and I'm bound to make mistakes here and there. Look I wasn't handed a manual when I got married and I definitely didn't get one before I had children, it's all been a learn as you go experience, so to expect someone to know everything and be everything, is just a bit too much wouldn't you say?

I'm sorry for the vent, I think dealing with all the sickies and being up at night with feverish children and then going on the next day as if everything is just fine, is getting to me.

I have my days, if you come over here and read my blog and think that everything is always dandy and that I lead the perfect life, boy are you in for a surprise. It's definitely not all hunky dory....yes the good times absolutely overshadow the bad days, but when there are bad days, I need to vent and I need to know that there are mothers out there in the same boat.

All of these little life lessons are a hard pill to swallow but when you're a military wife, it seems to get overblown because sometimes the shifts they work are equivalent to them being deployed. You don't really see them, except for that brief moment you cross each other in the hallway as he gets up from bed and gets ready to go back to's tough and I do deal with it and am used to it....I don't like it, but it's what I signed up for and wouldn't change it for anything.

So there you go....I vented and I feel a lot better and I'm sorry if I bored you with the details of my nutty life but sometimes a girl has to let it out, right?

I'm going to step outside, breathe in some fresh air and enjoy another spectacular sunset.






Mrs. Co said...

Boy you do have some fantastic sunsets! I'm jealous!

I know how you feel regarding the doctor. My oldest has had a bad cough off and on for almost 2 months. So I finally took her in this past week. The Dr. was nice enough but was in and out within 4mins and acted as though it was just the common cough. She told me as long as there was no fever to let it go away on it's own. So I respond with "Okay I understand but she's had it for almost 2 whole months." So the dr decides it's a sinus infection and gives her an antibiotic. Let me tell you since giving her the meds the cough has gotten much better! Maybe I did know what I was talking about after all. hee hee

Hugs to you about sometimes being overwhelmed as a military wife and sahm. I'm SO right there with you!

skywind said...

Hope that your child be able to speedy recovery. Sunset photos are very beautiful, fully reflected in the kind of charm. Once again wish you a happy healthy family.
Health is the Greatest Happiness
The World at The Present

Mari said...

I had a pediatrician who made me feel this way too - I got another one,but I know you don't always have that option in the military. One thing I did when my kids were young and had issues is to call and speak to the nurse. If she said they should be seen, I didn't feel bad taking them in.
More great sunsets!

Linda said...

A few years ago my now 12 year old was thin and seemed sick and even got a boil. It was a tooth infection, so any sore teeth can run someone down. And I agree with the last comment, a similar thing happened to me before Christmas.

My husband is really busy atm, it is hard. He worked yesterday over the public holiday, though he does still manage to do a lot for me. This is a newer thing, doing so much for me while he is busy, more than usual.

Linda said...

Mrs. Co's comment I meant, I didn't see the others.

Vanessa said...

I was a SAHM when my kids were little, and can understand how discouraging it can get. Trust your instincts when it comes to your kids. If you think there is something wrong, take them in to the doctor. You are the one with them 24 hours a day, you know them better than anyone else. One thing you might do is start tracking his illness, his cough and fevers. If it continues, take your documentation to the doctor and ask him to look it over. I took my oldest to the doctor one afternoon with a cough and fever, the doctor said he was fine, and that night he got worse. When I took him back the next day he had a bad ear infection. What I'm trying to say is, don't let the doctor or nurses make you feel inadequate. You know your kids best. Don't be afraid to stand up for them!

Prayers going up for you and Nicholas.

Steph at Problem Solvin' Mom said...

Oh I just want to give you a big hug! I definitely think you did the right thing, and I have felt that way before too. You're right, we don't know if there is something else going on, and we just have to trust our instincts!


Shelley said...

This has happened to me many times. I, like you, do not usually panic and run to the doctor for a cold. I ride it out with them, but we are not doctors as you said. If I am suspicious of a cough or fever etc, I would rather put up with this bad attitude and have nothing wrong than not go and have the little one suffer for no reason. The other thing I worry about is doctors that are too quick to prescribe antibiotics. I always ask a lot of questions if they do need medicine, but I just need to know. I don't want to pump their little bodies full of stuff unless they really need it. Both ways, I find doctors frusterating. Be strong, a mom knows her kids better than anyone else and a mother was given a strong instict for a reason.
Thanks for the pictures they are lovely.

Pam said...

I so know what you are going through. My oldest daughter has asthma and the minute she gets sick her asthma kicks into high gear and shuts her down rather fast. Sometimes even before the cold symptoms are noticable. I had a Dr. tell me when I took her into the office that I needed to get a hobby and stop worrying about ever time my daughter had a cough. I felt like a total putz. Now please note that I am an RN that works on an acute medical floor in a large hospital. Needless to say that same night I rushed her to the ER. She started to breath really irregular and had long periods of apnia. she was in the hospital for 3 weeks. I ripped that Dr. a new one and I never paid a dime. But my daughter paid it for me. she never has forgotten that and still freaks out every time she gets a cough. Now no Dr. in this town questions my judgement. It shouldn't have had to be this way so don't let then tell you your gut feelings and judgments are wrong. You and only YOU know your child. That is one reason your an excellent SAM. HUGS and hang in there.

Just me~ Bobbie Jo said...


Just wanted to give you a hug and tell it will be alright. I have had doctors be like that with me and I try not to give it to much thought. Hang in there!

Elizabeth Ann said...

You're doing a great job, Sandra! Vent here when things feel out of control...I know things aren't dandy (love that word!) all the time, but once you're rested and the kiddos are back to health (this will be soon, I pray) your good humor and joy in life will be back in full force. **hugs**

Sara said...

When my daughter was 15 mo. she had the flu. On day 3 she stopped puking but was hardly moving, not eating/drinking, etc. I took her to the ER and after a 9 hour wait on a slow day- we got the rudest doctor ever who looked at my daughter (who at this point was gray in color and not moving) and started to berate my husband and I because she was severely dehydrated. I told him that when we brought her in she wasn't nearly this bad but after 9 hours with no food or drinks, this is where we are. He ordered IV's, and we had a nurse do it, it popped out of her arms twice (blood and screaming ensued) and I felt horrible. They had to get a pediatric specialist down to do it. She was in the hospital for 3 days. Afterwards when I was fighting my bill, the ER physician called me and insisted that if she were dying, he could have gotten the IV going. Great- so you have to be dying to get service. It was horrible, and pretty much everyone we encountered told us we should have watched her better or tried harder. That was the first time I ever had to deal with an illness and it got bad so quickly for her. We did have a male nurse (early 30's or so) who was FABULOUS! He let Olivia play with his instruments, brought her toys from the playroom, let her pick out a handmade blanket that are donated, brought in movies for her- just was so great and kept telling us how great we were to be doting on her, etc.

You are a fabulous mom- don't be afraid to tell the doctor what you really think. Remember, YOU are the customer- and aren't customers always right?

Mistress said...

I think you did the right thing. I honestly believe that we as parents know our kids better than any doctor with a PHD out there. If something is not right it just isn't right.

Ethan was sick since he was born. The first year of his life pretty much. I was on my tippy toes with him. I lived in housing and I knew something was not right there. We moved and he has been fine for almost 12 months!!!!

Go with your gut!!!!

Bonnie said...

Spectacular Sunset is right !!! That is beautiful ! Bet it helped you to feel better !! :)

I know how you feel about the doctor. Sometimes, as Mom's we just need that peace of mind ! I decided long ago that I don't give a flying fig what the doctor thinks, if I need peace of mind, I'm going to take the kids there !! I just wear the 'you're an idiot' looks that they give me, smile, pay my money, listen to them tell me it will all be ok and go on my merry way .... with my peace of mind !!!!

You did the right thing ....

Conny said...

I'm chiming in with the momma bears! I hear ya - I've been there! I remember taking my daughter in to the ER for "hives" - only to be told it was "nothing" - but to me they were BIG RED SPLOTCHES that weren't there before...better safe than sorry. Hope you ALL are feeling better soon. Dwell on those sunsets & the God who made them!

Pat aka Posh said...

You have a right to vent.. My children might be raised but I still remember those days.. it can be very trying when you're the mommy and everyone depends on you.. daddy walks out the door because he has to make a living and you're stuck with the mess and sick kids and there's never any time for you to be sick and no one to coddle you... it makes you wonder how women manage to survive but they do.. God just keeps giving us the strength to hang in there and things always get better.
I sometimes hate male doctors that have never had to experience daily chores of sick kids and housework... if there were such a thing as reincarnation they should all return as a woman LOL

Tina Leigh said...

AAAWWWW Sandra! As a nurse, mother & a meme.....I can tell you I have been in your shoes!! On the healthcare side I can say this.....IF we had more mothers with your common sense, than there wouldnt be 1/2 the visits to the doctor & hospital! The thing about having a good doctor is the ability to establish a rapport between the two of you. That is half the battle. You can trust him with his diagnosis & he can trust you with your concerns. I am not sure how well you can do that when using military doc's. I am not putting them down....but I have always been told that they swap out a lot....that may not be the case in your situation. Rapport makes all the difference between doc/patient/caregiver. The other thing that is important.....FOLLOW YOUR GUT ALWAYS!!! You will never be sorry then!!!! About being a mom & wife.....we all take each other for is nature.....but what makes us human is when we say "Thanks". I have the best husband in the whole world...but too often I take for granted things he does for me...I expect it....doesnt mean I dont appreciate him but it is in the mundane things that I try to say an extra thank you. Sometimes the thank yous dont come when you want them...when you really need them...but they come. Maybe today they will come by internet/blog! Sandra you do a wonderful job! You are a great mom & wife and neither of your kids or husband could live without the things you do....even if it is the mundane things!! Love ya!

Cindy said...

I am SO right there with you this morning-it's like you read my mind! My son has been just not feeling well and I'm keeping him home AGAIN today. I think it's more allergies than anything else but today he's complaining of joint pain and I'm thinking of bringing him in (what an ominous phrase) to get checked out because we have had a few scares with Lyme Disease. But I have had a few moments this morning where I have wondered who put me in charge anyway! But I am the mom and it is so hard sometimes. I really just wanted to let you know I am SO right there with you this morning!

Amy said...

ooo lordie, those are the times that it is hard being a Mom.. sick kids, the mundane of the in and out of each day. It can be really really lonely sometimes too. Do you have anybody around that you can talk with and just laugh with?? A mommy friend.. a comrade in arms lol??

Sure will be lifting you up today and your sweet lovie in prayer... even right now, I am will be praying.

Hugs.. Amy

Nancy said...

It is so hard to maintain the uplifted mood state when our children are not feeling well and then the Dr. says things like that to you. I am so sorry.
On another note I see your reading about ghost towns of the west. We have been to several but the best one was Crystal Colorado, check that one out if you have that info in your book

Debbies-English-Treasures said...

Espero que o teu filhinho bonito, esteja melhor!
Debbie Moss

Anonymous said...

It probably is just nothing-but you did the right thing to take him in. Shame in the doc. I had one exactly the same way and he missed my daughters life threatning chronic illness that we deal with daily now. Get a new doc-TODAY. If ANY doc does this just get a new doc.

Leya said...


Poor little guy! Hope he's feeling better soon!

Stopped by to let you know that I left you an award over at my blog.

You can find it here.


Manda said...

ugh, i soooo know what you're saying about the doctor thing... whenever my friend has a doctors appt the doctor never treats her as well as she does me, you can tell she's totally judging her for having an unhealthy kiddo when the problems run in the family... and i, having a generally healthy kiddo, am treated great by her all the time. don't get me wrong, i do LOVE our doctor, and after chloe had a cough for almost 2 weeks with no other symptoms i took her in and it had developed into 2 ear infections, and then at my regular checkup the next week, i asked them to look at my ears too, and i had an infection, with almost no signs of it, other than the need to use a qtip quite often. you did the right thing, don't worry!!

Margie said...

You know your children better than anyone, never EVER let anyone make you feel like you are "just a mom". I had an issue with my daughter's rheumatologist because i did not agree with care that she wanted to give, after I researched it (and after time, I did make the right decision) the doctor said to me "I'd appreciate it if you didn't argue with me in front of your daughter"... my response "I'd appreciate it if YOU didn't argue with ME infront of MY daughter". The dynamic changed in our relationship (we were at the drs every 4-6 weeks) and let me tell you, it was a lot better. You are your children's mother for a reason, God has given you wisdom. Always remember that you have the most important job on the planet!

Cheri said...

I do understand. When it's YOUR child you always think something else could be going on and just want to protect them.
It seems the past couple of years there are more and more weird viruses going around doesn't it?
You are a great mom and your kids are blessed to have you.
I tell myself- there will come a day when they will realize all that I do and they will appreciate it more than they do. I'm already seeing it with my son- so there is hope out there!

Allie Z said...

You're not alone! Look at the huge turn out of lurkers. :) Actually, I've had the same issues. I'm sensitive to getting the kiddos to the dr before something severe happens.

I HATE IT when I get the look for others in disapproval. I feel like saying "What do you know?!".

It sounds like this week is a bear. It must be tough with your hubby's work schedule, the completion of the test, no more studies, the waiting game, etc. Plus, the AZ heat is picking back up. That's one to make ANYONE irritable.

I'll be trying your lemon treats this week. Would you post a new pic of your lemon tree and the fence project? :)


Lorie said...

Oh do I know how you feel!!!There are some wonderful military doctors but I think almost half of them are burned out and just don't want to listen. I have had so many shrug aside my concerns and worries and treat me like you describe. I have been a nurse for 12yrs and I would have done the same thing you did. When my hubby retired from the AF last year we had to use civilian doctors for the first time and we had similar problems with the first pediatrician we picked and I realized I didn't have to take it anymore so we switched. Sending you a big hug!!!

Jen said...

We have all been sick here as well. The children all slept in the livingroom last night because of all being sick. I'm sick also. I do the same thing with the doctors, our daughter Hannah has asthma and gets sick often, when she does she really gets sick. Most of the time, Praise God, it is just a simple cold. But taking her to the doctor's just gives me a sense of relief. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Sarah said...

{{{Big Hugs}}} It is horrid when that happens. We've had cold after bug after cold after bug after cold here too. Squidge ended up with a perforated eardrum even though the doctor had seen her the week before. Having worked with doctors in various roles after university up til I gave up work I know they aren't perfect. So if you aren't sure or happy with their diagnosis get a second opinion.

Children are the most precious gifts in our lives, and some doctors who've been doctors for a long time perhaps forget how important they are...I'm sure Mr Doctor would be straight down the garage if his car was playing up!

Love Sarah xxxx

Raggedy Girl said...


Having worked in the medical field for twenty five years let me assure you doctors are just as fallible as anyone else. I would take a Mom's feelings that something is not right over a doctor that spends four minutes with your child. You are right to be upset. Your child has been sick as much as he has been well. I might speak to his teacher and make sure that good hygiene is being practiced in his classroom. My hubby is a teacher and works hard to keep colds from spreading by frequent hand washing and covering sneezes and coughs with the bend of the elbow instead of the hands.
Roberta Anne

Lulu said...

nothing worst than seeing your kids sick...
Praying for you all...Hope He gets all well soon..Its going around, tummy aches, fevers and all..
i love the pics, so vivid and beautiful..
hugs to you all Sandra..

Michele said...

My kids are all grown, so I know the feelings you are going through. I was not military as an adult, so we had a private care Dr, and he was awesome. He never let a mom feel as though they were over reacting. He would just smile and thank us for caring SO much for our kids.
NOW, as for MY childhood, I had to go to the military hosiptal and doctors up until I was 15 (when my dad retired). I had been suffering through strep and ear infections two or three times a winter all my life, and the military Dr's would just say it was all part of growing up. The first time I was sick outside of the miltary, the private care physician told my parents and me that I should have had my tonsils out YEARS ago, and that would have cured me, since the infection was actually living (going dorment for a spell, then acting back up) in that tissue. The military docs had told my parents my swollen tonsils were a result of childhood allergies and not to worry over it.

I guess what I am saying here is: if you don't think you are getting the right care from the military, make an appointment with an off-base Dr. It is much more costly, but the second opinion can either help ease your mind, or find something the very busy military docs have overlooked.

I think you are an awesome mother, wife, and SAHM. Everyone appreciates what you do at home... just try going on strike for a week! LOL
The first time I was thanked by my daughter for everything I did was on my grandsons first birthday. She thanked me, and also said she was sorry for everything she EVER did! -- Yep, I laughed and cried at the same time! LOL
On a final note, I agree with some of the other posters who say you need to join a group of other mothers, or possibly a womans prayer group. The adult contact, and time made just for YOU, will do wonders to your spirit and soul!

Danielle Says Hello said...

There is an awesome book called "The Invisible Woman: When Only God Sees by Nicole Johnson it is a special story for mothers and I think that you will be quite inspired by it. Her is a clip from the jacket - "Charlotte Fisher has two children, a pretty good marriage, and a very big problem - she is invisible. Her husband and kids can see the clean socks in their drawers and the hot food on the table, but they cannot see her. She's disappeared into the anonymity of being the wife, the mom,...." I hope you read it.

Melanie said...

Wow--gorgeous colors in that sunset! I am totally with you about feeling invisible as a mom; and the dr. office thing. (Just there yesterday, in fact--nothing shows up wrong.) :) Luckily, we have a nice doctor with young kids at home who listens and doesn't blow us off.

heidi @ ggip said...

I have felt like that in the past, and I can understand this year (with all the terrible sicknesses and very few appointment slots) that a doctor might be frustrated, but I think you should be proud that you sought a professional opinion when you were in doubt!