Friday, May 7, 2010

{ Taken for Granted }

You know it's been a bit of a crazy week, there is so much going on and I find myself trying to grab a hold of everything. It's a little like being given the title of Super Woman without all the powers.

Far too often the past couple of weeks, I have seen, read, or experienced first hand the feeling of being taken for granted, of seeing a fellow military wife sad, upset, struggling to get through her day when she's feeling completely overwhelmed.

It's nothing new, I've often talked about this on my blog, about the fact that I think that Military spouses, are taken for granted and not given the recognition and thanks that they duly deserve.

It's not easy being in this life, oh the rewards far outweigh the bad, but let me tell you, it gets a little overwhelming when you feel like you're doing it all and not seeing much of a thank you from the military.

The fact is that when your husband is deployed, the immense feelings of loneliness, sadness and fear you feel, are sometimes suffocating.

You become this super person, this woman with a mission. You are mom and dad and you are everything to everyone. You smile, you say you understand when you really don't, you tell your children everything is ok and you wipe at the tears running down their face while holding back and swallowing the huge lump lodged in your throat.

And then there's the phone calls, you receive one from your husband who is overseas and you try your hardest to be tough and to stay strong, to put on a brave front from him when all along you can hear in his voice and yours the heartache of being apart.

And yet, what exactly do Military spouses get in return? How are we repaid by the Military?

We're not. Far too many times we are put aside, plans canceled, birthdays and holidays missed, children's school functions unattended, and never a thank you. Never a simple Thank You for being there for the soldier.

Oh the other military spouses will say it, your family and friends will too and even your husband will tell you over and over how grateful he is to have you in his life.....but what about the military itself, you have no idea how wonderful it would be to have some sort of recognition from them.

At this point you may think I'm just a big pile of "woe is me" but I'm really just venting, and for no specific reason other than it's something that has bothered me for so long, but also for seeing close friends of mine currently going through deployments and fighting so hard to stay afloat and to get through the time apart.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm the mistress to the Jets. And if any other military wife is out there reading at the moment, I'm sure they completely understand what I'm saying.

We have amazing young men and women out there fighting for this country and I hold them in a special place in my heart. But too many times the ones left at home holding down the fort, are completely forgotten, not mentioned, not thought of.

Yes the soldiers themselves come first, and they deserve all our love, consideration and support.

But let's not forget about their other halves, the ones at home fighting the war with them, albeit in a different way, but still, just as important to the mission.

Reach out to a Military wife, a military mom, let them know how much they mean and how their sacrifices are also appreciated and not forgotten. You would be surprised just how much it will mean to them.

And in ending, I want to thank my blog readers because you have always made me feel loved and appreciated as a Military Spouse.

If you are reading my blog at this moment and know exactly what I'm talking about, just know you're not alone and I'm sending out huge hugs full of thanks for every thing you do. Military Spouses rock, whether we get to hear it often enough or not!


Jen said...

I just recently found your blog. And I am an Army brat of a soldier/father who put 17 years in. And even though I was one of the children of the Army, I totally understand where you are coming from. You see when we were stationed overseas in Germany, my Dad got called up to go serve in Operation Desert Storm. While we was over there fighting, my mom's lung collasped. And there I was at the age of 11, trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to keep my family together. Trying to make sure my brother and sister were okay and went to school, had dinners, etc. At the time, I didn't even know what was wrong with my mom, because they rushed her to the German Hospital and I didn't speak enough German to know what was wrong. I just knew she was in alot of pain and kept grabbing her chest.

So for a very short time, I feel your angst! And even though it probably doesn't mean as much as if it would come from the military! You ladies get my total respect. Because I know (through my mom and other military wives), our military would collapse without you! You are the silent partner!

*hugs* From the bottom of an Army Brat's heart, Thank You for serving our nation!

Super Mom Academy said...

My husband wrote a really good song that just fits what you are going through. If I can dig it up someplace and you would like you can hear it and share it with anyone you like.

His name is John List and he used to play with a band called August Burning, you can find some of there music on FB.

He just writes for fun now and the stuff is actually pretty good. lol He opened for Dave Matthews back in his band days and lots of other cool people.

anyway the song is about a soldier calling home and I can't even think of the words right now because it reminds me so much of my father.

peace and hope, and I hope you days are just as good as your heart.

Jenna said...

I stand with you in the silent ranks as a military wife. Thanks for putting into words how so many of us feel =)

FlowerLady said...

Dear Sandra ~ I'm not a military wife now, but was a Navy wife for my husband's 4 year tour of duty 69-73. My heart goes out to you and all military wives as you do your best to keep family and home together while your husbands are deployed. The burden you bear is not easy, yet somewhere you all gather strength around you and do what you have to do.

I have a niece who's husband has been deployed three times to Afghanistan and it was hard on she and her two children.

God bless you and your husband, and all other military couples.


Mari said...

I don't know what it's like to be a military spouse, but because my son is in the army, I have an idea.
I know the feeling that the military owns them, the way leave can be canceled and the difficulty in planning for the future.
Our military are heroes, but so are their spouses!

Laina said...

As a Navy wife I definitely know how you feel. My husband has been on three 11-month long deployments and it is very hard. You feel like half a person. The support of family and friends is the only way to survive it, I believe. And putting your faith and trust in the Lord above who will give you the strength you lack. You describe beautifully the feelings I have about it. We give all our admiration to the troops themselves, which they deserve, and give no credit to ourselves, who are the behind the scenes workers and keep everything running smoothly. The troops are given armor in battle and we, military wives, are forced to create our own. We are strong and I appreciate all of you military wives out there. But, I too, wish there was some sort of recognition. (HUG) from me to you. I couldn't help myself ;)

Sheila said...

My husband retired in 2001 with 25 years of service in the Air Force. I needed emergency surgery in 1987 when my husband right before my husband was scheduled to go TDY. I had an 11 month old baby at home. His first shirt told my husband too bad I needed the surgery--if the AF had wanted him to have a family they would have issued him one. I lost a lot of respect for that man that day!! I was only 23, 1500 miles away from home with no friends. I never forgot that but I went on to enjoy the Air Force and all it entailed. In spite of everything, I am so glad to have had the experience of our military taking care of our country.

everyday mom of one said...

I live very close to a base here in Illinois and have many military spouse friends. I try to remember often to tell them how much I admire, support and give it up to them. You are such special woman, you are the ones holding the country together by holding your families together.

Thank you for all you do

the lady of the house said...

It's funny that you write this because just recently I've learned that a friend of mine (from High School) found out she is pregnant (with their 2nd) right after her husband got deployed.

She is in MH which is an hour from me and so I've invited her to come here any time and also come to a little Mama's Group I have with my church gals. My heart aches for her as it does for all the soldiers and their spouses.

I'm sure it is unfathomable - the lonliness you all go through - not to mention the stress of raising kids alone and the how much worry you have for your spouse knowing you have to just to give it to God from day to day. Tough!
& to feel like it goes unnoticed - heartbreaking!

Ya'll do Rock! & I love and appreciate you as well as your soldier!

Thank you Sandra for reiterating that I definately should continue checking on my friend.

((Hugs)), The Lady

Christina said...

You could not have put this better. I know exactly how you feel. Just know that you are appreciated by all of us out here, especially your friend, the other military wives, who share this lifestyle with you. I can tell you that finding I was one of the winners of Wiglington and Wenks sure put a smile on my face. I will go over there right now to get my password for you. Thanks so much. I showed the site to my kids and they are very excited to play this new game.

autumnesf said...

Yep. My children are the third generation in a row born in military hospital...

And what someone else said is so true - when things got rough I heard my dad say: I was told if they wanted me to have a wife, they would have issued me one. Very prevalent thinking in the upper levels.

And as another said: think they own them. Well. They do. Our husbands literally signed themselves over to the government in those contracts. They can be punished for damaging government property if they get a sunburn for goodness sake. They are owned...with their own signatures at the bottom of the page.

And we are not. Hence, the lack of care.

But, I must say this has really improved over the years. It used to be much worse. (Although there are always exceptions and that extra horrible boss somewhere.) And as Air Force wives AS A WHOLE we are much better treated than the other services. That's is very frustrating to see. But each service decides what programs to have available for the dependents and how much of their budget to dedicate to it. Ships and subs need lots of money to keep them there isn't as much to go around to the other programs.

My goodness this got too long.

I hear you and feel you. And its never going to change. Too many civilians like to turn their back and say we asked for this....even if we didn't.

But to those that do support us...a huge thank you. You are what makes it ok. You are what keeps us going.

Because we really do feel like we are doing it for the good of our country and her people. And we LOVE our country.

Anonymous said...

You really do "Rock", Sandra! Thanks for supporting your husband and the others who are involved in the military.