Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Putting my boxing gloves on!

It's decided.  We are removing the children from this horrid public school after Winter Break and I'm already in the stages of enrolling them in Connections Academy.  I know it's public school online, but it's still considered homeschooling and I think it's the best decision for my children and for my family.

So why is it that I'm struggling this morning?

Why is it that I feel like I'm being sorely tested, like I'm on the verge of tears, like I'm doubting and questioning everything that I am doing now and in the future for my children's education.

Homeschooling is not for everyone.  I know that.  You have to be dedicated whether it's homeschooling privately at home with your own curriculum, or whether it's homeschooling through a public online school.  It still requires patience and dedication from both parents and the kids.

I've talked about this on my blog many times, I've gone back and forth with the idea, mainly because I feel like my children are not getting the attention and education they need at the public school they are attending, but also because I feel they are being held back, they're not being allowed to flourish and to progress, they're not being challenged....plain and simple.

Oh there's other issues too, the bullying and the not so great teachers and the principal who seems more suited to a High School setting than an elementary.  There's so many cons and very few pros.

The past few months you have heard me talk many times about the stressful schooling situation and how I just feel the need to homeschool.  I truly felt like I was being pulled to do it but kept coming up with excuses not to.  Oh maybe I should just let them do this, they need to learn to deal with the outside world....oh this is normal.....oh every kid goes through bullying and peer pressure......this is fine, they'll be fine.

In reality, NO it's not, I've said on countless occasions that it's NOT fine for me to expect my children to be put through these situations and's not fine for ANY child to go through this.  The problem in society nowadays is that we just accept everything and assume it's normal.

Perfect example, Nicholas is a very sweet good natured boy, he doesn't pick on anyone, he doesn't like confrontation and fights.  He has been the target of bullying by another kid in his class, not only bullying but pushing, spitting on him and even going as far as stealing his stuff.  When my husband and I told Nicholas that he needs to put his foot down and fight back, his innocent answer was "No, I don't want to get in trouble....this is all yours and daddy's fault, you taught me to be nice to everyone".

It hit me like a tons of bricks.  That right there was the breaking point for me, why???  Because I realized that all this time I am doing what is right, teaching my children to respect others, to treat others well when in actuality for them to make it out in the real world, they will have to resort to mingling with the rest of the sharks or get eaten.

That is NOT what I want my children to learn, that is NOT the kind of adults I want them to become and I will be damned if I sit by and watch good kids turn into the kind of kids we warn them about.

So my husband and I sat down, I prayed and prayed and asked the Lord to help me and some of you reached out and prayed right along with me, and the answer came.

"You know what you have to do, I have been pointing you in the right direction for a long time but you have chosen to ignore it".

I knew right then and there that I had to follow my instincts and follow my heart, that the best thing for my children right now is to pull them out of that situation and to bring them home to me, to allow them to grow, to rejuvenate their love for learning, to watch them smile each morning and not look at me with sadness and fear in their eyes because they don't want to go to that place.

You wouldn't believe the weight that was lifted off my shoulders, this immediate sense of relief, the stresses streaming out of my pores.  I smiled, I grinned, I was literally giddy and floating on air, and so were my children when I told them they were being homeschooled.

I've started the enrollment process and as things stand, they will not be returning to public school after their Winter Break.

And then I woke up this morning......

The heaviness I feel in my heart is astounding.  I am on the brink of tears, I am doubting myself, I am wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I am telling myself that I'm not that intelligent, that diligent, that dedicated, that I will fail my children, that I will take them out of school with teachers who know what they're doing and completely ruin their education.  Fail, Fail, Fail is all I can seem to see and it's almost overwhelming right now.

I mentioned it on facebook and my sweet friend Jen immediately said something that caught my attention, something I hadn't even thought of.

It's just satan trying to keep you away from doing what God has led you to do.

That simple statement stopped me dead in my tracks.  Of course, that's what it is, isn't that what he is so good at doing?

One of the Devil's favourite tools with Christians is DISCOURAGEMENT! He tries to get you looking at your own mistakes, sins, weaknesses and failures! He just picks and picks at all your little flaws and shortcomings and exaggerates and blows them up out of all proportion! This is one of the Devil's favourite tactics. He knows that it's impossible for him to defeat you as long as you keep on fighting, so he tries to persuade you that you're a hopeless case, so you might as well surrender and give up.

 Looking at my own mistakes - Check
Sins - Check
Weaknesses - Check
Failures - Check
Picking at my flaws, exaggerating, blowing it all out of proportion - CHECK

So no more, I'm not allowing him to do this to me, I'm not giving him the satisfaction of watching me in pain, of watching me doubt my ability as a mother, of making me think that I'm doing something that is not beneficial to my children when all I've ever done is FOR them and for their well being.

I'm putting on my boxing gloves and I say.....BRING IT ON!  But be prepared for the fight of your life, I'm not weak, I'm not a failure and I will not back down.

I WILL homeschool, my children will thrive, my children will be happy and I will achieve all of this because I have the Lord with me.

"Greater is He (JESUS) that is in YOU, than he (the Devil) that is in the World!"-- 1 John 4:4

 And now I turn to you homeschool mama's and I ask for your help.  I want to introduce some sort of Bible Study or Christian Curriculum to my children as an extra for the curriculum they will be doing with Connections Academy.

I know that many of you have been doing this for years and have links and places where I can get what I am looking for, won't you please help me out and point me in the right direction?  Remember that I'm very new at this and need all the help I can get, so please, nothing too confusing or extensive, just something to add to their other school work.

God Bless!

1 comment:

Thyen Party of Four said...

I've been following your blog for a long time :) I've always enjoyed reading what you share. I remembered your posts regarding homeschooling and reasons why you chose to etc - and found myself searching for them as we are facing a decision to pull out my nine year old daughter from the public school system. It's an excruciating decision for me - for many of the same reasons you had when contemplating making a change. But what it all boils down to for me is that my daughter isn't thriving - she went from an excited positive learner and student to someone who loathes school - hates school - is bored - etc - it's been affecting her attitude at home too - but after doing some digging and talking with her - I'm getting a sense that it's more of a result of peer interaction and boarder line bullying that is taking place - and now that I look back and piece things together - it's making sense. I love what you said - they didn't learn that at home. The picking and attitude she has shown toward her younger sister this past few months is not the norm for her - she's not a mean kid - but it's making sense.

My daughter is nine - in third grade - I know that all the doubts in my mind are not about how she would do - but more so regarding how I would do. The frustrating thing is that they tend to revolve around 'the norm' - or what others define 'normal' - and then I remind myself that I have no business worrying what others think and try to make a square peg fit in a round hole just to fit into societies definition of 'ok'.

Thank you for your honesty in your writing and your willingness to share so much - I'm sorry I went on a bit of a tangent - but more than anything I wanted to say 'thanks'.