Thursday, May 2, 2013

So overwhelmed right now.....

I feel as if I'm on this roller coaster of emotions and I can't get off.  I honestly need time to breathe and to relax and to take everything that is going on around me, and make some sense of it.

Remember back in January when Lola had a seizure?  She's been fine since then and I had honestly thought that it was just a one time thing, never to happen again.  In truth, I think I was in denial, because the doctor had told us at the time that when they happen once, more often than not they tend to recur sometime in the future.

So I let my guard down, and yesterday afternoon she had another seizure.  This time she actually fell off the couch onto the ground.  It scared Nicholas to death, and he was quite affected with the whole thing.  I just wish the kids hadn't witnessed it, it's hard enough for me as an adult to see it and to feel so helpless, but for children it can be quite traumatizing.

The only reason I even knew something was wrong is because I heard Nicholas scream and then run out of the living room.  Later he told me that he ran into my bedroom, got on the bed and proceed to pray over and over for God to take care of Lola.  Lump in my throat, I tell you.

Anyway, I picked Lola up, held her, stroked her fur and kept saying "it's ok baby, mommy is here", over and over until she stopped and came out of it.   I don't now what to do in a situation like this, but I just felt like I wanted her to know that I was there?

I knew then that something was going on, so this afternoon we took her to the vet.

$260 later, and blood work done, the vet thinks it is epilepsy but of course they have to rule out everything else, one of them being valley fever.  *sigh*

Will know for sure over the next few days when he calls us with the lab results.

My nerves are already on edge because of many other things going on, and I think this was the catalyst. 

One thing I'm not good at is, is flying by the seat of my pants and I'm feeling like a fish out of water right now.  There is just so much going on in my life right now, so many decisions, so many things hanging in limbo.

I have cried a few times since yesterday afternoon, I have prayed, I continue praying and at times I feel like I can't catch my breath.  I hate feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat, that constant lump in my throat, the burning in my eyes.  Really don't like feeling like that, but here I am.

I consider myself a pretty strong person, pretty optimistic and have a strong faith, but I think that far too often I forget that I'm human, that I have emotions and feelings and that sometimes even the strongest need a break.

So I come to you today and ask that you pray for me, for us, for Lola.

You know the funny thing is that I know in my heart that everything is going to be alright, but maybe I'm tired, emotionally and physically which just exacerbates everything.

Either way, I just need to breathe, to slow down, to just really take a moment and hand it all to God.  But I need help, and I don't like asking for it, it's that whole "makes me look weak" thing.  Shameful, I know.

So if you have a moment and you would like to, I could use prayers right now, for whatever it is you may think I need the most cause frankly I can't even begin to say what it is.

Maybe I need more faith?
Maybe I need to let go and let God?
Maybe I need peace in my heart?
Maybe I just need comfort?

I don't know, I'm just.........I don't know.

A royal mess is what I am, I guess.


Rachel Lynn said...

Oh Sandra, I'm so sorry about Lola. We've had a few health scares with our pug and I worry when she's been fine for awhile that something else will pop up. We don't have kids yet, so she's our little baby. I will definitely keep yours in our prayers!

Sherri B. said...

I am sorry about your sweet Lola and have heard of many people that have gone through this with their dogs.

I have already said a prayer and will continue to pray. When I was diagnosed with my cancer and all through my treatment, I had a special scripture that my daughter, Kami had given me. It is Exodus 14:14. I put it into my own words so I could say it fast every time I needed it (Always).."I am fighting for you..Be still".
Perhaps you could go and read there in Exodus and see what this was all about, it changed my life and I will always use that scripture to give me peace in hard times and even when I get all out of sorts.

Big hugs to you sweet Sandra..I will keep you in my heart, thoughts and prayers. xxoo

Jen said...

Aww Sandra :( Pets tug at our heart strings like no other. Hoping she will be okay. Prayers for your family. <3

Coffee Lady said...

I will say a prayer for you and Lola. That must have been scary. Bless your heart, I'm sure it all will work out. It's just unknown and the unknown can be frustrating and overwhelming. Hugs!

Sandrocas said...

Aww, poor Lola, you just love her to bits...don't be so hard on yourself, it's not something you can control. I agree, you did the right thing. You know I'm going through a hard time right now, and when I have one of my episodes, and nothing can be done, the most comforting thing is having someone near me, holding my hand. I'm sure Lola felt your presence, and it made it less scary for her. Keep offering her the security that only her family can bring, and I'll pray for Lola, and for you, and for little Nicholas.

Debby said...

So sorry to hear Lola is having problems again :( Prayers for her and your whole family. We Mommy's tend to think we can fix all things and become overwhelmed when something is out of our hands. Take the time today for yourself, a nice long nap with that sweet pug could do you both a lot of good. HUGS!

Wendi said...

Oh honey.... I am so sorry! We are all human and have times like this. You are on the right track by hitting your knees. I will be praying for you!

Amber said...

Sandra - I will be praying for you. And don't be hard on yourself or think you just need to have more faith. That's so cliche (I know because I've told myself that so many times.) Feeling overwhelmed is a normal first emotion when going through a challenging period of time. But I will be praying for you to have peace. And I don't know if it comforts you at all to know this (I think I might have mentioned it before), but my border collie, Maddie, has had seizures for about half of her life. She is now 13 years old, and although she's old and probably doesn't have much life left in her, it's not from the seizures but just plain old age. I know it's so sad and hard to watch your dog have a seizure. It looks so pitiful and horrible. I know. But I will be praying for you all.

Tina Leigh said...

I lost my 14 year old lab in January and 3 days later I lost my 14 year old cat. I still have outbursts of crying. They were part of our family. So I understand your love and concern and these precious animals are gifts from God.

Lord I ask for your wisdom to be given to the doctor. We ask for healing in whatever way you choose to give it. We are not foolish in asking this for your Word says you will give us the desires of our heart. We ask for comfort and peace that only You can give..for every member of this family. We ask mostly that we see You clearly in all this because we know that You are in control of all things. We thank You for this sweet dog, a true gift from You. We thank You for whatever is to come and knowing it is directed by You...all the way. We ask this in Your precious Sons Name, Jesus. Amen.

TheFishie said...

(*hugs) Surround yourself with your loved ones and you'll weather the storm.

Kathy Skinner (Kat) said...

Our mini Dachshund has had seizures for years--not often but once or twice a year and they are scary. The good news is that he is 13 years old and the seizures started when he was about 2. You, your family and precious Lola are in my prayers.

Ladybug Crossing said...

We all have times like this.
You are strong, but you are human.
Take each day/crisis/moment one step at a time. None of us like flying by the seat of our pants, but some days there are no other options. :)
You got this!

Jenna Smith said...

Sandra-hang in there! You did the best thing that you could for Lola. I worked for a vet clinic through college and was told that seizures don't hurt, the dogs mostly don't know what is going on and are confused afterwards. By being with her, keeping her calm and talking to her-well, you are an amazing mama to those pugs. Tears are totally normal when it comes to our family and times when they are sick. Let yourself rest and know that what you are feeling isn't a sign of weakness-but a sign of a loving mom that loves her littles (humans or not!).

Virginia Valerie said...

I am sorry for your dear dog everything you're going through right now. You are human, and it's okay to cry. And it's okay for others to know that things are affecting you. Being strong is great sometimes, but it's also comforting to know that we're all in the same boat, and feeling sad and scared together is better than feeling sad and scared alone.

Melissa said...

We all feel that way at times. Thoughts and prayers coming your way!


Linda said...

I'm glad you asked for prayer, Sandra. It's not weakness. We all need one another. That's how we're made. I have prayed for you, your family, and Lola. Lean you head on Jesus' shoulder. He's there and looking after you.


FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Dear, dear Sandra ~ My heart goes out to you and your family and little Lola too. All we can do in any situation, is let go and let God. He already knows the outcome and it may not be what we want. Then, we have to go with the flow, knowing that He works all things out.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you'll have sweet Lola to enjoy for a while longer.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Threeundertwo said...

Sending a prayer for you. I'm feeling overwhelmed too, and I know exactly what you've described. Slow down, have some tea, know you are loved and you will get through this period. Best wishes to your family and sweet Lola.

Amy said...

Dearest Sandra,
I was just lamenting to a friend how much our little Pumpkin is part of our family. When we got her for our daughter, I wasn't expecting to fall this much in love. So, I know you are really struggling. I'm praying for all of you.

Jen said...

Asking for help or prayers does not make you a weak person. That is what friends and sisters in Christ are for.

Sounds like our past few months. So much going on with no end in sight. I know that God was once again peeling off another layer off of me. Exposing the woman He wants me to be.

(((HUGS)) and prayers! Wish I was closer to stop by with supper for you or just pray with you. I will have to settle with praying from a distance.

Susan said...

Praying for you and your family, (all of them). Lola might just need to take a pill once or twice a day. Epilepsy is common in dogs and my mum's dog has had seizures for years. Lola will be confused after her seizure, so you did exactly the right thing by comforting her and just being there for her. Often dogs are blinded temporarily following a seizure. So she knew that Mommy was there for her and could recover in your arms. God shows us what to do and He clearly did in this situation. It's hard on the kids, but give them all the information that you can and then just love each other. Big Hugs to you. Prayers will continue your way!

Andrea said...

Oh, poor Lola (and your family having the scare!) I will pray. We humans love our little companions!

I copied that recipe you had the other day with the bread and cream cheese...didn't make it yet, but it looks so good! Your family is lucky to have you! That soup looks good too...the sausage and bacon...that would make anything taste good!

Cheri said...

Oh Sandra,
You made me tear up reading about you telling her mommy was there. I would have done the same thing. Praying for all of you. One day at a time!

Niki A said...


I am praying for all of you! I am here if you need to vent.

{huge hugs}


Lulu said...

praying for you all, my friend..

Natashalh said...


My boy dog was hit by a car four and a half years ago. He's still with me today, but only because of orthopedic surgery. The poor guy...his pelvis was shattered, while waiting for surgery, and he would thrash around in pain, unable to walk and unable sit or lie down comfortably. It made me cry to know he was in pain and not be able to help! But we got through it and today he is alive and well.

I hope all turns out well with your puppy . **hugs**

Mama Boz said...

You are all in my prayers. You are anything but weak, Sandra. You are a strong woman of faith and God won't
burden you with anything you can't handle. I understand how you feel in that you need to be the one that takes care of everyone and everything. Take care of yourself and vent to us all you need, we are here for you. ;)

Debbie said...

So sorry to hear about sweet Lola.

My good thoughts are with you.

Take baby steps. One day at a time.


Renee said...

My heart goes out to you all. Keeping you, Lola and your family in prayer.

Sarah@Like sunshine in the home said...

I will pray dear friend. Big hugs. xxxxxx