Saturday, February 22, 2014

As I get older, I get more emotional.....

New House

It's just the plain truth!

Having moved back to where my children were born, and where I first started my life as married woman AND in a new country, has been a blessing, and a joy......and extremely emotional.

For so many years I envisioned coming back *home*.  I even had dream after dream where we had moved back into our old house on base.  Every dream a little different.

2013_07100050

Either the house was exactly the same but the area had changed, or the house was now haunted, or it was completely changed, or I found items that I had left behind when we moved to Arizona.  It was all very strange, but I think subconsciously, I was yearning to return.

And we did, and here we are.

The first time we drove back through the base, I felt this overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness, nothing I can really put to words.


But it was also very surreal, it almost felt like the past 7 years spent in Arizona had just ceased to be.

Things weren't all the same though, a lot, and I mean a LOT of things have changed on this base.  Our housing area is gone and in it's place, just a trees, lots and lots of overgrown bushes and trees, makes quite a sad sight.

That was the first time that I felt a tug at my heart and an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

But where I'm noticing the biggest struggle, seems to be at the commissary.  I know that sounds quite ridiculous and if I was reading this on someone else's blog I would be mighty confused, but let me explain.

When I go grocery shopping, I am right back in the commissary where I first shopped for my house as a married woman, and where I bought the first groceries to fix a meal for my husband, and where I later shopped while pregnant, and then a few months after with a newborn in a car seat, and then eventually with a newborn in the car seat and a toddler holding my hand.

So many memories, so many joys and just so many feelings attached to those thoughts.

And this is where I'm noticing just how emotional I am getting.  I find myself looking at these young military wives with their infants or toddlers, young mothers doing their shopping, their grocery carts filled with diapers and baby wash and formula.......and my heart aches because I miss that so very much.

My children are no longer babies, they are teenagers and don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with where we are right now, but I still can't help but feel melancholy when I see these young mothers.

It takes everything in my not to burst into tears.  Quite a sad sight if I were to give in to those feelings, I'm sure.

It just really makes me realize just how far we've come, and that no matter how much I am loving being back in this area, it never is the same, and never will be.

But that's ok, lesson here is to embrace all the changes, good or bad and to remember that just because something is not exactly how it used to be in the past, does not make it a bad thing, just makes it a different experience in our ever changing journey through life.

And now I'm going to go look through old photos and reminisce back to those days, not with tears in my eyes but with joy in my heart.

8 comments:

Deb said...

I totally understand and relate to this post. We lived near Air Force Bases (several different ones) when my kids were little, but so much has changed. Some of the bases aren't even bases any more. I too am getting more emotional as I get older, but as you said, it is best to focus on the happy memories and joy of the past than to be sad that those days are gone. When I am feeling that way, I try to say to myself, "the best is yet to come!" Thanks for this post and have a great Sunday!

Tina Leigh said...

Sandra
You just described exactly what I'm going through except the "home" I'm feeling that way about is my church home.

I just returned to my hometown church & you described those feelings to a "T"!

TheFishie said...

I can't say that I've ever heard anyone wax so poetically about military housing or the commissary, but I'm so happy you're home and enjoying all your memories even though some may choke you up a bit. All the best in your house hunt!

Sweet Tea said...

Life is full of Seasons, all of them wonderful, IMO. Still, each time I begin a new season I'm filled with nostalgia, just as you described. There's no going back, so we've gotta enjoy the "now", just as you said.

Jen said...

I think we all go through this same thing. Many evenings I browse Facebook or blogs and see all the newborn babies and toddlers. I start thinking back to when my children were little (teenagers here also)and become overwhelmed with emotion. I start thinking it would be nice to have little ones again....then I go visit my sister. She has an 8 month old and a 3 year old. It is at that very moment I realize I LOVE where I'm at. It's not easy raising teens. It's even harder (in my opinion)to have the little ones.

Believe it or not I often miss our very small 700 square foot home. Why?! Because it was where we first lived as a married couple. It's where we became a family. It's where I grew to love being a homemaker. Where I enjoyed gardening. So many memories.

God gives us stages in life to help mold us into the person He wants. Spiritually speaking I would not want to go back to my "little" house. I am SO much more mature in Christ today then I was 2 years ago.

Love you my sweet friend.

Connie said...

Nothing ever stays the same when it comes to life here on earth. One thing is constant. God is with us each step of the way. Enjoy the ride.

Victoria Adams said...

i always asked the Lord to take control over my emotions. and He always did. until they left for college, that just about killed me.

autumnesf said...

Food for thought.....ever heard of seasonal mood disorder? You did just move from the sunshine state to full blown winter wonderland....