Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Catching up on life....


Hello my sweet friends, how are you all doing?

Thank you for all the kind words, the support, the prayers and the emails asking me how I am, and checking up on me.  I can tell you that I'm much better today, and so, I thought I would come in and give you all an update.

The past 5 days have been excruciatingly difficult.

I have learned things I didn't want to learn, I have tried to comfort my siblings, I've had my siblings comfort me, and in the middle of this all I have felt this heavy sadness that seemed to be pulling me down, just like an anchor.

My home duties took a back seat, and I have been completely drained.

Divorce as an adult child is extremely hard, for many reasons, but the main being that we are expected to understand certain things, and are made aware of others and sometimes put in very difficult positions.

Yesterday, it all kind of came to a halt, I had to say things I didn't want to say, face some other things that were very hard to comprehend and accept, while putting on a brave face....but I did a lot of praying and I felt immediately better after facing certain things head on.

I honestly woke up with a renewed spirit and ready to get back to what matters, which is my family.


5 days of things taking a back seat, was starting to take some toll around here, so I got right to business.

A simple breakfast of coffee and toast and some lesson planning for the rest of the week.

I got the laundry going, worked on my budget, and also paid some bills.


Also updated the chalkboard with the new menu for the week, as yesterday was grocery shopping day for me.


I gave the house a very good cleaning, got things all tidy and put back in their rightful places, and really did for the first time smile in quite a few days.

It felt good to be back in the game, and my children certainly appreciated seeing mom as she always is, happy, smiling, puttering around the home and whipping up treats for them.


You know in the middle of all this drama, we have grandchildren that are very confused with everything going on and have a lot of questions.  I just hate to see this happen, and I hate especially to know that my children and my nieces and nephews are suffering as well.


The only way I can think of to try and make things a little easier, is to retain some sort of normalcy, not just for their sake but for mine as well.


Stepping outside today felt amazing.  It was as if I had been imprisoned inside a jail for months on end and was now for the first time enjoying the fresh air and the sun on my face.

Fall is here folks, and with a vengeance.  The past two days have been very cold in the mornings and evenings, I am thinking we may just have a really cold winter coming up.  We'll see.


Back in the house, I made some Breakfast Burritos for the freezer and cooked up some chicken for dinner, which left me with some delicious broth which I will refrigerate and use in upcoming recipes.


As my soul and my spirit continue on their healing journey, I am choosing to surround myself with pretty things and to look at life for what it is....a here and now moment, to be enjoyed and soaked up to it's very last minute, because as I've been reminded of, nothing is set in stone and things can change very quickly.


So, I am here, I am doing ok, I have my days, some better and some worse....some filled with questions, some filled with worry and many filled with tears.

But my job is to take care of my own children and I can't do that if I'm not in a good place physically and mentally, which means I can't take on other people's problems as my own and I have to detach myself while still being available for comfort and support where needed.

It's a balancing act, and I will be completely honest and tell you that the past few days, I was not winning and the scales were tipped in the opposite direction, but I'm working very hard on tipping them back to my side.

I know I will be ok and I will come out on the other side of this trial, a much stronger woman.  The journey is never easy is it?  The finishing line though?

That is sweeter than honey, and I am looking forward to ripping through that ribbon with a huge smile on my face.


skmanning said...

We have four kids: 18-29. We have always felt that one of the very best things we can do for them is to stay married. That stability is such an important thing for them and it does not matter how old they are. What you are feeling is awful at any age. Glad today was brighter for you!

Conny said...

Thanks for the update ... thankful things are looking brighter. :) Sometimes we do have to take time to be sad and grieve something that is lost - a miscarriage or a marriage or a friendship or whatever. It is normal and healing in and of itself. BUT then it is time to MOVE ON - and I'm glad you're doing that!!
Continued prayers!

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

So glad to read you are in better spirits and back to taking care of your and your little family.

May today be filled with lots of peace, joy and love.


Rhonda smith said...

I mentioned in past post I come from a divorced family more times than once, never knew my father and found out as a adult that he did not want to know my sister or I....I myself am divorced but blessingly remarried to a wonderful is hard no matter what the situation, and or age....but true you must stay strong, supportive and loving for your immediate family there but you also need time to grieve and lean on someone yourself, so glad you have done this, but so so happy to see you coming back....hugs and many prayers my dear friend, may you have more happier roads than sad....

Kristina said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Mama Boz said...

Some things aren't easier to handle because we are adults. Your ability to recognize that and keep your families well being in mind is extremely commendable. You are always such an inspiration. Make sure you take care of yourself as well and I will continue to send prayers your way.

Wendi said...

I am glad that you are doing better. I am happy to see that you a pulling your focus back to your husband and children. Praying things get easier to you each day!

Mari said...

Glad to hear you're doing a little better. It's not easy.
Our bible study this week had a section that talked about hard times and reminded us of the verse that says "In this world you will have troubles, but take heart. I have overcome the world". (John 16:33) It doesn't way you might have trouble, but that you will. So glad we have God to lean on in those hard times.

Amy at love made my home said...

I am glad to hear that you are doing as best as you can Sandra and keeping on going. It is like a bereavement, it is such a shock and takes time, and although you don't forget you learn to carry on and I hope that in time you will do just that, you are making all the right steps in that direction by the sounds of it. Take care. xx

Carrie B. said...

So happy you're doing better Sandra. Will be keeping your family in my prayers though, and hope things continue to feel more at peace soon.

Hang in there & God bless. xoxo