Monday, August 3, 2015
Mother and teenage daughter relationship!
That's the only word I can think of at the moment, I'm absolutely shattered and heartbroken, sad, confused and just don't know how to deal with it.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'll be fine, there are millions of mothers out there doing this every single day, dealing with hormonal teenage daughters and sons, and they do just fine. I know I'll be ok, I know I'll get through, but for this moment in time, the issues seem insurmountable.
It's hard folks, and for those of you with little ones, trust me, it's nothing like you ever imagined, matter of fact, think of the worst it could be and times that by a thousand.
In my attempt to keep it real here on my blog, and you know I've always shared my life with you, my thoughts and opinions etc, I wanted to talk, vent, let it out and maybe even get some advice from you out there who have been through it.
When your children are little, you look at them and they have all this love in their eyes, they run up to you and wrap their little arms around your neck, kiss you, tell you they love you and will never be mean to you, and you believe it. Wholeheartedly believe it!!!
Those moms dealing with unruly teens? That's not you.
Those moms dealing with the I hate you's? Nope, that is never going to be me.
Those moms complaining of the daily fights with their teenagers? That's not going to be my precious child, she's too sweet and she loves me so much.
And then you blink and you find yourself standing in the kitchen with a 16 year old before you, arms folded across the chest, eyes rolling and major attitude coming at you like waves from a tsunami. It's quite confusing at first, you wonder where that all came from, and where is the sweet little red head that you could have sworn was just kissing you the day before.
As a mother, there is nothing worse than the look of disdain from your own children, hearing them smart mouth you, tell you that they know better, that they don't want to discuss this any further, it's quite shocking at first.
Your first instinct is to not say anything that will make them hate you, really, it is. But just as quickly as that thought comes, another creeps in, and that is the one that tells you that YOU are the parent and not them and that they may hate you right now but one day they will understand and thank you. Oh how many times I heard that from my own parents and I reacted the exact same way my daughter did, thinking "Oh please, whatever, so dramatic".
I'm at a point where as much as I love her, I don't like her very much at times.....let me rephrase that, I love her with all my heart, but don't like some of the things she does. That's better!!!
She has a boyfriend, they've been together over a year. I get it, I was 16 once, I had a boyfriend who I was completely in love with, anything my parents said that interfered in any way with that was frowned up and hated by me, and I jumped to his defense like a lioness defending her cubs. I never once stopped to think about how that made my parents feel, not once, not until I was on the receiving end and it hurts, and it's frustrating, and guess what?
It's normal!!!! Yep, it's absolutely normal and that is the part of this that sucks. If it wasn't normal it would mean that I could find a solution for this, like a special pill I could pop that would stop all this in it's tracks. But there isn't, the only way to get out of this is to go THROUGH it, and that is a hard pill to swallow.
Most days I'm fine, I can deal with the attitude, then there's days like today where I'm feeling especially emotional, missing my great grandmother and grandmother terribly and any little thing sets me off. So I have zero patience and zero tolerance for insolence and I could care less how upset she gets that I pull the wifi.
Does it make me a terrible mother? In her eyes, I'm sure it does.
Thing is, I'm not here to please her, or anyone else, or make her life easy. I'm here to mother her, protect her, shelter her and give her the tools she needs to get out there in this horrible crazy world and survive. No one is going to make things easy for her, no one is going to give her hand outs, no one is going to care if she is too tired from being up too late, or too lazy to clean her room, no one.....because in the end, as always, the only people who will always be there will be us, her parents.
I'm so tired, so incredibly tired and my heart hurts, we've fought so much today, she's said things, I've said things, tempers flared, voices were raised and tears where shed on both parts. And then 2 hours later she says "Momma, I love you so much". My heart melts, the anger subsides and all that is left is this feeling of being drained.
Tomorrow, we'll be back at it over something else I'm sure, or maybe we won't. That's the thing, with teenagers you never can tell, and Jasmine and I have always had a very close relationship, but the past 2 months it's been extremely strained and I think it's part due to me not wanting to let go as she grows up, and her trying to exert her independence.
I pray, so fervently for the Lord's guidance through this, because I know that without Him, I will fall and stumble and do it all wrong. I am after all just a human, a simple mom finding her way through this teenage maze and hoping, just hoping and praying that I come out the other side unscathed. Oh I'm sure I'll have a few battle scars, but for the most part, I'm hoping to survive it.
Wish me luck!!!