Do you ever just stop and look around your home, your property, your life, and think "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, I love my life"?
It's easy to get caught up in every day, and to forget to look around, and to be thankful for what you have. I learned a few years ago, to thank God constantly, for everything, even those little things that we think He surely wouldn't care about.
But He does. See He cares about everything that has to do with us, the big things, the little things, the important things, the mundane....all of it.
I started my day in the kitchen, early, getting a batch of cinnamon rolls into the oven. Most days, breakfast is more along the lines of a piece of toast, some cereal or oatmeal. Whatever is quicker and at hand. But sometimes, it's good to take the extra effort, to prepare a special treat for the family.
It's all about getting organized, and if you learn how to organize your time, you will be surprised at how much you can accomplish in just a few hours.
But, as I sat making the cinnamon rolls, the washer drumming a beat in the background with a load of laundry, the pets playing with pieces of ice, and the steam of my coffee cup rising ever so gently, I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude, of contentment, of pure joy.
The kind of feeling you wish you could bottle up, for those days where you're lacking joy, lacking motivation and just not feeling it. And yes, we all have those days, those moments of sheer irritation that creep up on you, that make you snap at everyone and everything around you.
I actually get on my own nerves on days like that. Here's the kicker though, I can't get away from my own attitude, so I have to get through it, and change it. Oof, it's not easy, but it's doable.
I pottered around the kitchen, sipped my coffee while the cinnamon rolls baked, replied to family member messages, switched laundry from the washer to the dryer, all while sporting a lazy smile on my face.
As the cinnamon rolls came out of the oven, the smell was incredible. It's the smell of an Autumn morning, cinnamon and spice, coffee, all the wonderful scents that set your senses on high alert.
The kids came out of their rooms, gathered in the kitchen, and in between huge bites of gooey cinnamony goodness, chatted, with each other and with me.
I sat back for a second and watched them. My 23 year old and my 19 year old, just chatting, laughing, egging each other on. At that very moment, I had a pang of hurt in my heart, a want and need to deep to turn back the time, to go back to when they were toddlers running around my legs.
We all want our children to grow, to become adults, to be successful, and then they get there and we start feeling like we want to pull them all the way back and do it again
I often see moms online complaining about their children, about the mess they create in their picture perfect living rooms. How they are exhausted and wish they would just be older to take care of themselves.
I'm here to tell you that while I myself had those thoughts once or twice, back in the day, I regret it so much. Because......well because you wish their childhood away, and because those toys you trip on today, will be the toys you wish you could trip on years from now.
I long for the chaotic home of runny noses, toys strewn all around the living room floor, tousled hair, tight hugs, and fingers stained with strawberries and blueberries that were enjoyed as a snack.
I'm in a different season of life now. I no longer run after little feet. My days consist of taking care of our home, running errands, cooking and running after Jesus. I guess in a way we spend our lives running, running from things, running after things.
Most days now, you will find me in this little spot. It's become my reading nook, right next to one of the big bookshelves. After the housework is done, I grab a small blanket, a good book, and sit and read for at least an hour. There is always a cup of milky tea next to me, and sometimes a few shortbread cookies.
I used to dislike the quiet, it reminded me too much of the noise of children that no longer were around. But God has taught me to enjoy the quiet, to use it to my advantage, to read, to relax, to be thankful that our children are grown, healthy and happy.
As I sit and enjoy the view from my reading nook, I smile, again, because I am where I never thought I would be, just led by God's hand. We never in our lives thought or even considered living in Texas, it was not something in our plans.
But then our plans are not God's plans, and He always knows where we belong, even if we don't.
Today, I am so thankful, so blessed to live in Texas, in this beautiful house, on this gorgeous property. Feeling pure contentment and joy. It's a great feeling to have.
Thank you so much, dear Sandra, for this blog post. Somehow this blog makes me happy. It makes me feel normal (with my feelings) in this period of life. Our youngest is 18. I also long to go back to that time long ago.The Playmobil castle, the toy cars in a long line on the windowsill. Luckily I still have pictures of it. Do you often look at old photos?
ReplyDeleteYes, let's hold on to Jesus, run after him. Follow Him through my seasons.That's a nice thought.
I have buried two children in two years. Then in August we lost our 10 year old grandson. My days are heavy, everyday I am exhausted just trying to feel good about something. Grieving is so hard. I enjoy your blog. Thank you for being real.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post. All my kids are now in their 40s and I turned 70 yesterday. I understand this is a different chapter of life and I'm grateful for everyday; however, sometimes my heart hurts for another day with all three home. Reminds me again that this world is not our home, and some day there won't be anymore goodbyes. Enjoy every minute you're given with loved ones. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteI do have those moments of pure inner peace and contentment, often at the more random and mundane times. I might be coming back up the driveway after hauling garbage cans to the road, catch a glimpse of the fields, hear the quiet of nature, and have that moment of joy, of feeling like all the rush rush stuff I worry about doesn't matter afterall.
ReplyDeleteThe same with kids growing up. Mine are 31 and 28 years old now, out of the house 5+ years already. Sometimes I try to recall what normal days were like when they were still home and I was still working. Just the most simplest of things....what was it like? Especially in their teen years, it all seems like a blur now.