Sometimes the place you are used to, is not the place you belong.
I heard this phrase the other day, in a video of one of my favorite Youtube Channels. It clicked deep inside me. Remember how I have talked a lot, about feeling a bit all over the place, losing grasp on the things I loved doing, and not knowing why?
I think I have finally realized that I have been holding on to a time and place, in my life, that is no longer here. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, because somehow I feel that if I say those words out loud, it is over. A closing of a chapter, so to speak, without even realizing that it closed almost 10 years ago, when Curt retired from the Air Force and we left our last base behind.
I was most happiest during our time as an active duty family. Everything seemed to click, everything was good, our kids were little and thereby sheltered from this vengeful world we live in, I had a routine, I was creating and learning and really coming into myself as a wife, mom and woman.
Wanting to constantly go back to feeling the way I did back then, to living the life we did, is not only an unattainable dream but it is also holding me back, from being truly content where I am, where I belong, which is here in Texas.
Therefore, the place I was used to, is not the place I belong, and the quicker I realize that, the quicker I can move past it.
I'm getting older, I'll be turning 49 this year, and I am starting to feel like I need to concentrate on me. I've been a wife for 25 years (this August), and a mom for 24. Ask me who I am, and that is what my response will be.
I've focused so much of my life on the family and doing for others, that I've sort of lost myself along the way, and now that my children are adults and no longer needing me as they did before, I find that I struggle to do things for me.
Do any of you understand that feeling?
It's a bit strange isn't it? We have all this extra time, but have no clue what to do to entertain ourselves.
Anyway, I found that phrase to be so thought provoking, that I wanted to share it with you all.
Now, I am off to watch the last 2 episodes of the 2022 Marie Antoinette series, which I am quite enjoying as well.
I have to say, the past week watching just period dramas, has brought so much joy. Such fantastic shows, beautiful costumes and settings, history filled.....so much better than 90% of the shows on our televisions.
Of course that is just my opinion.
But yes, if you are looking for some good shows to watch, the past week I've watched Sisi, Women at War and Marie Antoinette. All good.
Right, my episode is ready, so I best get on with it.
Have a blessed night friends!
That is a very thought provoking sentiment. I do identify with quite a bit of what you are saying. Transitions between stages of life can be so hard especially when we aren't ready for them or don't expect them. Glad you are getting back into watching your period dramas, not usually my cup of tea but my husband enjoys them, so perhaps I'll suggest a few you've mentioned to him. Hope you are having a great weekend so far!
ReplyDeleteThis spoke right to my heart.
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with the loss of all my oldest friends. My husband retired,my beloved dog is ill and going to pass soon. We moved from our home of 35 years.
I no longer recognize the world outside my door. Every one so filled with rage and violence. It feels like this stage of my life is about only loss.
I'm having trouble finding my way forward. Thank you for sharing this with us.