This cold is killing me.....

Would it be ok if I just stayed in bed all day????

For the longest time, about 10 years or so, I've had sciatica problems. It's not that bad really, only when the weather gets really cold then it acts up. Yesterday I started feeling a little throbbing down my left leg, but it didn't get any worse....this morning though it's a different story. It's really hurting, so I'm limping and we all know that trying to be a parent and in control while limping around and going at snails pace, is NOT condusive to anything.

I'm hoping the weather warms up because I have a couple errands to run and I also need to get groceries. Already took some Advil so it's taking the edge off, but I know that by the time I lay down tonight I'll be in some serious pain from all the walking. I did call on some help, the Lord's help and and as usual He was more than happy to step in....so I'll be clutching His hand tightly in mine, it's going to be a LONG day!!!

Did I tell you I LOVE LOVE Grey's Anatomy??? I can't believe I missed the first season, I'm beating myself over it, so I'm going to get it on DVD and watch it. Yesterday's episode was just wonderful, really enjoyed every minute. Another show that I'm loving is Ugly Betty, have any of you been watching??? If you haven't yet, I suggest you try to catch it next time, I think you'll like it :)

So today we get our family photos, remember the ones we went to take about two weeks ago??? Am I the only one who thinks that Family Portrait packages are extremely expensive??? I mean you can't get anything under $100. Wow!!!! But anyway, I'm excited to get them and see how they turned out. I'll definitely post the kids ones later, as for mine and hubby's I'm not sure, I just HATE HATE HATE having my picture taken, and let's not forget that at the time I was sporting a humungous cold sore. Makes for a very pretty picture I'm sure LOL

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown. You know I SO look up to single parents who do it all alone, day in and day out. It's not easy. There's times that I feel I'm going nuts, especially when the kids are just not listening or should I say doing the "selective hearing" thing. Nothing worse than telling your child to stop doing something only to have them continue to do it right in front of you. I HATE yelling, but yesterday I caught myself doing it alot, and then I stopped and thought "Oh man I've got to get a grip on myself, I can't do this".

Needless to say by the time I talked to hubby on the phone I was in tears. I just vented and vented for 15 minutes before I even let him get a word in, but being the wonderful guy that he is, he just let me and then told me I'm doing a wonderful job and that he's sorry he can't be here to help me righ now. Then he asked to speak to the kids......Ummmm that's when I thought, oh boy!!!

I don't know how he does it, but they listen to him, me I guess I'm just the bozo that sits home with them all day. But whatever, what matters is that he got through to them and by the time they fell asleep everything was better. Bless my hubby's heart!!!

It's like I said before on this post, this thing of playing grown ups is not so fun at times. I truly miss having my family nearby, I miss being able to just pick up the phone and call them, I'm lucky if we speak at least twice a month being that it's expensive to call South Africa and vice versa.

I really want to have someone nearby when I'm having a bad day, someone to be the voice of reason, to calm me down and say "hey it's not so bad, you're just upset". I want to take a breather AWAY from the kids, not try to take a breather while they're still fighting and screaming at each other right under my feet.
I want to crawl into a warm lap and just close my eyes, say "to heck with it all for now, I want to be alone for a minute". But you know, that's not how life is, we can't just stop being parents, we can't just let it go and I know that even though there's days that I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and run away, I have to PUSH through them and put a smile on my face.

Don't get me wrong it doesn't mean I don't break down and cry, but I've learnt to do it after the kids are asleep, AND I allow myself just 5 minutes to let it all out before facing the next problem.....I don't let myself wallow in it for long, cry and get it over with, that's my way of thinking and it seems to work.

So I'm heading out for the day, I've said a prayer that we have a good day, that I don't miss hubby too much, that the kids actually listen to me, and that this sciatica cooperates until AFTER I'm done running around for the day.

Have a great friday,