For the past few weeks I've come to realize that the things that nourished my soul as a young child, have dramatically changed.
Things change, WE change as we grow. The things that we once loved and thought were all we needed to make us happy, are now the things that we don't even consider or remember at the end of the day.
I don't just mean food wise, although my taste has changed over the years, but I really mean everything around me, the way I am, the small things that make me extremely happy and overwhelming with joy.
Growing up, I remember that coming home from a day at school, I would find my greatgrandma in the kitchen, a snack waiting for us at the table. I would eat, go change out of my school uniform, and then indulge in some play time. Either playing cars, cowboys and robbers, hospital or just being silly with my brothers.
At the end of the day, I would lay in bed with the biggest smile on my face and thinking....this is wonderful, I feel completely happy. My soul had been nourished!!!
As I became a teenager, I would come home from school just long enough to drop off my stuff, and head back out with my friends. In search of that cute boy we had seen the day before, the local hang out, the night clubs where we dressed up pretending to be older than we really were. We wanted the attention and if a cute boy smiled at us, that was enough.
I would get home late at night on the weekends, lay in bed, and I could still hear the music pounding in my ears. Again, just like years before, I smiled, overwhelmed and nourished, just by those few things.
I truly believed that materialistic things are what nourished my soul.
And then I became a mother and everything started changing. I fought it at first, I wanted to hold on to every little piece of my past. My weight changed which in turn changed my clothes size, which in turn changed the way I saw myself.
For the longest time, I was just FAT...or so I believed, I cursed the food I put in my mouth, almost hating it for turning me into what I was.
There was no more "me time". It was all about the house, the kids and the husband, the budgets and trying to make it work. By the end of the day, I was tired, tired of running around, tired of being touched by the kids and just tired in general. I wanted to run home, back to my childhood, I wanted to say "I DON'T feel well", and have my stepmom come up and tuck me into bed, off to take care of dinner or another house chore. I wanted it all back, I certainly wasn't enjoying the responsibility. This thing of playing "grown up" was no fun at times.
But then as the time went by, I slowly started realizing that I'm a beautiful, intelligent woman.
My body changed but I have two beautiful children to show for it. I have responsibilities as a wife and mother, and that is good, in fact, that is wonderful :)
My tastes changed, foods I didn't enjoy before, are now some of my favorites. Movies I never would have dreamed of watching, I know loose myself in, and books I found boring, are now the most riveting and exciting I have ever come across.
My views changed, where once I believed that in order to have a really "amazing day", it had to be filled with some sort of expensive gift, elaborate glamorous party and tons of activities, I now realize that if I take all of that away from it, I'm left with what really matters. MY FAMILY!!!!
The day we had on saturday only helped to reiterate it all. We didn't spend money doing expensive things, we took a walk around the neighborhood, collecting leaves, we created art together and we laughed and laughed and enjoyed it all. Soaked in all the blessings and all the beauty of being a family. Now THAT is what I live for.
Nowadays, all it takes to nourish my soul is simple....after a great day in the company of my kids and husband, I pick up the Bible or another book, or watch a favorite show on the tv, and I smile, I smile just as fervently as I did when growing up, for my SOUL HAS BEEN NOURISHED!!!