{ Stumbling towards Easter }

I have always been a Christian who feels things deeply, who still cries for the injustices Jesus suffered, who can't listen to a Christian song without a lump in her throat and a tear in the corner of her eye.

Some moments are harder than others.  Sometimes I can sing a whole song with a big smile on my face, but more often than not, I can't.  I croak, I choke, I swat at the tears flowing down my face.

I used to be embarrassed of feeling this way, I thought "what a wuss, you're so weak, why are you feeling that way, you should be happy when you think of God."

I am.   

And more often than not those are tears of joy, of pure unconditional love directed to the One and Only.  The I Am.  The Almighty Lord who has blessed me continuously, who has seem me through some of my darkest moments and who has never left my side, even when I tried to run in the opposite direction.

I've had my share of ups and downs, I've stumbled, I've fallen, I've questioned, I've yelled out in frustration and asked why me?  And the answer has always been "why NOT you?"

The week leading up to Easter is extremely hard for me, I literally cry at the drop of a hat.  Anything related to the Resurrection, to the suffering our Lord endured and to the real meaning of Easter, just breaks me.

This morning, as I was doing my blog reading, my friend Linds posted a link and asked us to read it, she said it was breathtaking.  I value her opinion immensely and I knew that if she was posting this, it had to be something worth reading.

My word, I wasn't prepared for it.

Broken Hallelujah by Jen Hatmaker.

I bawled through this post, and found myself without words.  It was as if she was taking the words right out of my mouth and then also hitting me with profound statements that I hadn't thought of.

One thing we have taught our children from a very young age, is that Easter is not about egg hunts, chocolate bunnies and big fluffy bunnies running around.  They know the real meaning, they know what it is about.

Does it mean that we don't incorporate the fun parts for them?  Absolutely not.  But I think there's a difference in letting them have fun and believe that is what Easter is about, and allowing them to still have that fun but know deep in their hearts what the real reason is for that day.

There will still be Ham and Hot Cross Buns on Easter Sunday, but there will also be "Jesus of Nazareth" on TV, and prayers and the reading of the Bible.

I only hope I can get through it all without crying my eyes out.

He will see me through it, just like He has through every other instance in my life. 

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me. In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.” (Luke 22:19-20)