Friday, August 1, 2014

{ Wanting to turn back time }

Oh my friends, I want to sit and just cry.  Have a good, good cry, maybe even one of those ugly, nose running, mascara smudged, loud cries.

It's not for anything bad, but just because my heart hurts and yearns for years gone by.

Since returning to my blog full time, I have gone back through my archives and started reading from the very first post.  I am amazed at how different I was, how different I thought, and how much I've grown up and changed since that very first time I put words down on the computer screen, and hit that publish button.

 I've fallen in love with my blog, all.over.again.

I've also realized just what it was that made me want to start blogging in the first place, and those feelings have stayed the same, those haven't changed one bit.

As I read through the posts, I want to go back to when my children were little, to when we were stationed at this base, to when I was a new military wife still trying to make sense of everything, loving that very first snow, the very first in my life since moving to the States from South Africa.

The walks we took, the trips to the library, even the crazy schedule my husband was on.

It's just that feeling of wanting to be back in that time when everything was so exciting and new.

I had a good sniffle this morning, and then I reminded myself that it doesn't have to be a "here and now versus back then".  I am still the same person, just more mature, older, having lived through many more things since then.

I can't change it, I can't go back, but I can still be Sandra, the old Sandra that never left.

You know I feel that I veered away from who I was for the past few years, and quite honestly I blame myself for trying to become something else, all to please the ever changing and fast growing social media world.

I've now been away from Facebook for a little over two weeks, and I can tell you with certainty, that I do not miss it one single bit.  I haven't gone back, I don't even get the urge to go and see what is going on or what people are posting.  Being away from the negativity and the drama has been liberating.

It has also caused me to take a good look at who I am and what I was becoming, and I'm not happy with that person, so I'm extremely joyful to be going back to me.....just little old me, plain me.

It's so hard to admit that you've been trying to be something you're not, that you messed up, that you got so caught up in what others expect of you that you had forgotten yourself.  Here I am...admitting it.  I am not shy to do so, what matters is that I recognize it and make a conscious decision to change, right?

Anyway, going back to wanting to turn back time.

Let me tell you why, well aside from what I said about the blogging back then and my little ones etc.  The blogging friends I made are a huge thing for me.

I read through their comments, and I try to go back and find them, to see if they're still blogging, how they are, what they've been doing for the past 7 years.  Sadly enough, some blogs stopped posting back in 2008, some blogs are completely gone, and then there are some friends who like me, are still out there, blogging all these years later.

I'm trying to find them, trying to reconnect, and every time I manage to track one down, I get so happy.  It's like we belong to this special club and are reuniting all these years later.  Oh I'm sure many of them don't even remember me and my blog, but no matter, I remember them and that's ok.

Are you tired of my babbling yet?

I bet by now you're having flashbacks of my old blogging ways, I seemed to jump from subject to subject and make these super long posts.  Hahah
I often wondered if anyone read them to the end, or if people just got bored halfway through and moved on to something else.  I chose to believe that they hung in there and read every single word.

Anyway, all this to say that in my yearning to turn back time, I have realized that though that maybe impossible to do, I can still bring back the essence of what my blog was, and IS.

Yes, that is what I am going to do.  So be prepared, you will see some old meme's brought back to life, you will see some old features revived but most importantly, you will see me, in all my crazy, life loving, homemaking, family adoring glory.

I'm ready.....time to go back to the past and not rewrite it, but incorporate it into my present, and hopefully my future.

So excited to do that.  My only hope is that there would be a blog revival, and I'm not talking about the way blogging is now, but a revival of all the old family oriented blogs.  A girl can dream right? )

17 comments:

  1. I've been blogging since Sept 2008. I enjoy blogging and all the friends made. My life changed Dec 2012 when I lost my dear husband and best friend after 43 years of marriage. I still blog about gardening, cooking crafts, but there is no 'us working on projects' now. Life goes on, only differently.

    I've enjoyed your blog since I first found you. You are blessed to be able to be a full time homemaker, some of us aren't able to do that. You inspire and encourage others with your blog, with your love of homemaking, cooking/baking, crafting, and your family.

    It has been a joy watching your kids grow. I remember when you first thought about home schooling and you DID it and it has been good for all of you.

    Love and hugs to you dear Sandra ~ FlowerLady

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  2. I agree with you Sandra, that blogging offered something that all the other social media sites never did. You just connected with people from all over in ways that made it feel like you just met a life long friend. Even in some cases you felt like part of their family. Life in the blogging world is definitely different and people have come and gone, but I am so thrilled to have connected with you once again.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  3. I started blogging in May of 2008. I didn't include any pictures. I have gone back from time to time reading my posts.

    Lately I have been feeling lost now that my kids are growing up. They are all teenagers and just don't want to do much with me anymore. It is the hardest thing about parenting. I long for the days when they hung on my every word. When they were eager to hang out with me. I'm very proud at who my children are becoming. But I miss them.

    As I read through your post I was trying to remember when exactly we discovered each other's blog. I also cannot remember how we discovered each other's blogs. It just seems like you were always there. I consider you one of my greatest friends.

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  4. I know exactly what you mean, especially about tracking down old blog friends! I started my blog in 2000 -- I kid you not! I have stayed in touch with many of my first bloggy friends, but many others are impossible to track down. I would love to see how they are, how their babies (who by now are all tweens and teens!)are, etc. I really need to make my blog a priority. Like you, sometimes I go back to really old entries (that aren't even in my archives list because I was using another blog platform) and I get sad, too. I'm going to try to ramp it up in August! Be sure to visit ;-)

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  5. Oh, if only my friends would start blogging again. It has such a different feel from the snippets that are put on Facebook. And most of my news feed is political now. I am so glad you have kept up with your blog - it is my favorite, and yes, I read through to the end.

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  6. i was ok until they left for college/the military. that just about killed me.

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  7. I know how you feel, only that didn't happen to me until after my husband passed away. We learned about his needing a transplant and then everything started happening so fast, and more and more I was trying to micromanage everything, to protect him from stress and worry, keep things together for the kids, my eldest in high school. My husband was then diagnosed with cancer, a lymphoma and three weeks later was gone. Cherish what you have, it can all be so fleeting.

    One of the things about the internet is how the faceless, anonymous nature of the medium tends to bring out the worst in some people. I can't stand gossip and backstabbing. I think that's why I don't facebook or tweet.

    I'm sorry I didn't reply to your comment on my last blog post sooner, but I didn't see it until a few minutes ago. My back, the torn muscle/pinched nerve has gotten slightly better, but for some reason, I have tension in a muscle in my upper thigh and the spasms still occur, and when they do it's like a ripping sensation from my spine to my right thigh, and sitting can be tortuous. When you had your pinched nerve, Sandra did you experience anything like this?

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  8. I can agree with all of it sandra. I love blogging too it something i always come back too

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  9. I know! I'd love to go back in time sometimes too.
    I've lost a lot of old blog friends, many are no longer blogging and I can't find them. Glad you're still here. I read all your posts, but don't comment as much as I used to because of time restraints.

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  10. I've been experiencing the same feelings as I combine my old blogs into the new one and have realized that all of it has led to growth and positive feelings. Of course there was some bad, but that's where our lessons are learned. I now feel stronger than ever to deal with "real" life and believe you do to. :D Take care my friend. BIG HUGS

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  11. I've never been a good blogger! LOL! I started blogging here on blogger, back in probably 2004 or 2005 when the boys were doing flat travelers for homeschool. It was so much cheaper and easier to blog the journal, with pictures, each day than write it out all in paper. When we stopped doing flat travelers......I made my own personal blog bot here and on wordpress and on my own domain, but have deleted them so many times because I eventually thought I was saying too much that the Govt. didn't need to know about etc.. So here I am, back on blogger, trying to blog something every now and then. LOL! At least I always get HHM up each Monday.

    I love your blog Sandra and enjoy reading the daily encouragement you post. I think I actually started reading this blog shortly after your family moved to Arizona.

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  12. Sandra,

    This made me think of you and what you've been doing on the "interwebs" these days. ((Hugs)) Mel

    http://www.incourage.me/2014/08/the-internet-is-not-the-boss-of-you.html

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  13. We like the way You blog. It s you, don't worry if they are long or short posts, they are what you want them to be and that a what's more important!
    Lucy

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  14. Glad to see you blogging again! Welcome back :)

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  15. I read recently that people don't want the simple blogs anymore. I don't think I agree - I think the blogs changed and we stopped reading. What are your thoughts?

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  16. I started blogging back in 2002 on a site called Xanga. I'm not sure if you ever heard of it but I was on there blogging since recently when they decided to make changes (they made it look more like Wordpress and started charging) and everyone left. I had started blogging on here a few years ago and as much as I enjoy it I miss Xanga and how that one was. It was so easier to connect with people on there. I love blogging because it has been a great outlet and a great place for me to jot down my experiences. Luckily before making the changes Xanga allowed us to save our posts and I'm glad because going back and reading about my experiences with pregnancies, births and raising the kids has been a blessing. I read old posts and am reminded of the journey. It seems a lot of it I've forgotten about.

    I have made friends through blogging too, and a lot of them stopped blogging. Some I keep in touch with on Facebook (although, like you, I've decided to step away from that for awhile) and others I haven't heard from in a long time. I miss how blogging used to be for me but I like how it's changed. I just miss some of my old blogging buddies who have become too busy to blog I guess. I'm glad I came across your blog, I think over a year ago, as I was doing a google search for "stay-at-home mom blogs." Is it weird that I googled that? lol!

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  17. Sorry, I'm behind. I've been so crazy busy that I haven't time to do any reading here and it's been awful and lonely feeling. When you left facebook, I was sad because I love your little posts and pictures about family and what you've been up to. Honestly though, when I read your blog now, I realize I didn't lose your posts and pictures. They are just a little more in depth and while I have to wait a little longer for them, they are well worth the wait. I really do appreciate your blog, and reading it makes me feel like I'm catching up with a friend and some days it's the only adult interaction I get. I know that sounds silly or weird. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my kids and being home with them, but I'm sure you remember when your kids were super young. Maybe you longed to hear about something other than the baby pooping or breaking up kid fights too. Your blog does that for me.

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Thank you for stopping by, hope you are having a Blessed day!

♥Sandra♥