{ The big 40 }

Well, here it is.  In a way I have been anticipating this day from the minute I entered my thirties.  I used to fear it, like it was some sort of big two headed monster with a mouth full of nasty sharp teeth, just sitting there waiting, taunting, let me know that in just a few years it would swing by and pick me up.

But over the past 4 or 5 years, I have stopped fearing it, I've actually been looking forward to turning 40 and seeing what my life is like in this next decade.

I can't say for certain where I'll be, what I'll be doing, what I will be thinking, or even if I'll still be in this area.  So much uncertainty, so many questions, so many things out of my control, almost makes me want to break out in hives, but I have to remember, it's all in God's hands and He will lead me to where I'm supposed to be.

Who knows, maybe on my 50th birthday I will be sitting at this same table, writing a birthday post and talking about how I am still in the same area, doing the same things.

As for now, I am perfectly happy with turning 40 and I am in no way worried or scared of getting old.  Bring it on!!!

What better way to ring in this new age, than with a list of what my life has been up until now.....are you ready???

At 40 years old I have learned so far that:
- Life is hard, life has many ups and downs, but it is what you make of it, and your attitude determines the outcome
- That I am still on a path to a closer relationship with God, that I am still falling off the wagon, and learning tough lessons and pushing the boundaries and having to come back to Him again.
- That my husband and children continue to be the driving force behind everything that I do.
- That in this day and age, it is up to ME to stay simple, stay happy, stay away from the bad things and the bad influences.
- That best friends are those who stand by you no matter what, who don't always agree with what you say but don't use it against you.  They don't pretend to like you just to be near you so they have ammo to throw in your face or talk behind your back. 

At 40 years old I have YET to learn how:
To completely hand over control to God.
To be self sufficient and not reliant on others.
To stop worrying.
To swim, though I don't think I will ever get around to that.
To forge that strong relationship with God and to stop letting it fall to pieces.
To be the best wife and mother I can be.
To stop thinking about the future and to concentrate on the present.
To stop worrying about what others think about me, it is their problem not mine.

At 40 years old I've had to learn to live without:
My greatgrandmother, grandfathers, uncle, father in law and my two beautiful angels in heaven.
Certainties.....nothing is written in cement, nothing is a for sure thing.
8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, first because my children were young, now because as I get older I get less sleep.
My grandmother nearby, drinking tea with me, eating cookies, and chatting about life.
The safety of being a teenager, not having responsibility, knowing that everything is done for you and taken care of.

At 40 years old I now accept that:
My life is as perfect as it's going to be.
I have ALL I could ever wish for.
I love who I am and who I've become.
I'm extremely lucky to be where I am.
We are all just winging it, there are no perfect people, no one has it all together, no one is an expert on mothering, or parenting, communicating and cooking and whatever....winging it, that's what we're all doing.
Being honest with myself is the best thing in the world.  Who cares what Tom, Dick and Harry think about me?  What matters is what I think about myself and if I don't believe I'm a good, loving, honest person, then I have already lost the battle.

So what is this 40 club all about???   I have no clue, but I am sure going to have fun finding out.

Won't you have a drink for me today, a glass of wine at dinner, or if you would rather not, then a cup of coffee or tea?

I only wish that I could invite you all over to my house for dinner, I'm sure we would all have a wonderful time eating and chatting it up, just like the good ol days where people actually took the time to talk and visit each other.

I'm headed out, my husband and children at taking me to town and then we're meeting my family for the dinner, and finishing off the night with cake and coffee back at my house.  I don't need a full out crazy birthday celebration, I am happy just being surrounded by those I hold dearest to my heart. :)