Wednesday, May 30, 2012

And my heart breaks.....


 As a military wife, you get conditioned to a lot of things.  You learn to make do.  You learn to accept the fact that the mission will always come before the family.

But there's one thing that you never quite get used to and it hurts just as much every single time, no matter if they're gone for a day, a month, or a year.

My husband just walked out of the door.

And just like every other time before it, my heart broke.

I try so hard to be strong, I put on a brave face, I tell the kids that it's ok, time will fly, and then my hubby will come to me and put his arms around me and tell me he loves me and I cry.  Every.single.time.

With.out.fail!

Because it hurts.  Because no matter how many times I've been through this in the past 15 years, it just never gets easier.

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So here I am.  A cup of cold coffee, crying children, and my own tears sliding down my face.

See the thing is, with all the previous times he has had to leave, the kids were never old enough to remember or to really understand.  Yes at the time they cried for him, yes at the time they asked why, but they don't remember any of that.

Now they're older, they KNOW.  They get it, and they don't like it.

But it's part of the military life, and it's something that we couldn't shelter them from forever.  I hate seeing them this upset, when your children cry and when they hurt, you hurt too.  I wish that I could somehow save them from this hurt, but they are military children.  They are brave, they are strong and they love their father with all their hearts.

We'll stay busy and we'll cross out the days on the calendar every night.

They'll snuggle into bed with their daddy shirts.  Everytime daddy leaves, they pick one of his shirts and he sprays his cologne all over them.  They sleep with those tight in their arms until daddy returns.

As for me.  Half of my heart walked out the door this morning, and I have to allow myself to cry, to feel, but then I have to put myself back together, put on a brave face, and tackle the next few days, weeks, months. 

Because I'm strong.  Because I'm a military wife and because my husband needs me to keep the candle burning until he walks back through that door.

I ask for prayers for safe travels for him, for his coworkers and for the rest of the airmen from our base who are also leaving today. 


On this day:

In 2006:  Treasure Tuesday
In 2007:  When is school starting again?
In 2008: 
In 2009:  Five Senses Saturday
In 2010:  All gave some.....and some gave all
In 2011:  Happy Memorial Day

31 comments:

Conny said...

Godspeed to your husband and all our troops who work hard to defend our freedom every day!! Praying for your family right now. ((HUGS))

Sherri B. said...

Dearest Sandra,

My heart breaks for you, your husband and the children. Thank you for the price you pay for all of us. I will put you on my prayer list and pray for you every day.

I am proud of you and all those like you, for being the strongest of all women...for being 'it all', for being superwoman.

The warmest and biggest of hugs!

Sherri B.

sandra costra Santos said...

Sandra um grande abraço e um beijo muita força!

Christy said...

Good thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. Hoping each day gets easier and the time goes quickly, but is full of good things too.

Lori4squaremom said...

Definitely praying for all of you! I wish it weren't a 12 hour drive, I'd ask you and the kids to come and stay with us for a couple of days.....well, if you wanted to make a 12 hour drive, we have the space, and a pool and we'd love to have you guys!

Love and blessings my friend!

Anabela said...

I hope the time he's away flies by.

Walking on Sunshine... said...

I'm sorry your hubby is gone again! I hope the time will fly! Please thank him for all he does to help keep our country safe! I will be thinking of you and your children.

Jessica said...

*hugs* i know it's tough-being an army wife I understand!!! I hope the time passes quickly and I'll pray for his safe return!

Jen said...

My heart weeps for you and your children! I will be "Sharing" that cup of coffee with you each morning. I shall pray extra special prayers for you these next few weeks.

I do not know what it's like to be a military wife. What I do know is that being apart at anytime is hard. I can't even begin to imagine.

I truly wish I could be there with you. ((HUGS))

Wendi said...

Oh sweetie! I have been there and it sure doesn't get easier. I hope the time goes by quickly.

Angi Bosley said...

Oh how I feel for you....I remember those times. You will be in my prayers and know that your service is never forgotten.....thanks to you all and God Bless

Susan said...

You and your family will be in our prayers.We will be praying traveling mercies for your beloved.

Ivy B said...

Sandra,
My husband has traveled for work here and there for a few days at a time and I experience lack of sleep without him beside me at night. So, I don't understand the full extent of your pain, but I'm so sorry you have to experience it.
Hopefully there will be a huge reward for all the sacrifices everyone is making in the meantime.
Ivy

Like sunshine in the home said...

Praying for you all. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and your kiddies.

You might enjoy the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Pageant on Sunday (if you can get it on your TV) that might pass an hour or two.

{{{Hugs}}}
xxxxx

Mandi said...

Hugs and tears for you today! My little brother is an airman and I understand a little of this - though, we don't live together. Half of your heart leaves...
Praying!

Anita Philipps said...

My heart breaks for you. I can only imagine what you are going through. You are welcome to take a trip to Wisconsin. I have never met you but will welcome you with open arms.

A said...

My prayers, thoughts, and hugs are with you and the kids. No matter how many times they leave for a TDY, training, or tech school it never gets easier. Prayers for you husband and all the soldiers who are deploying with him.

hugs and prayers from a military wife in New Mexico

mommaof3 said...

I mate not never know how that feels cause im not a miltary wife . But I can say my heart goes out for you and the kids and yall are in my prayers daily and every nite. Hugs

Sweet Tea said...

God bless and comfort you and your family. I know many military families, as we live near a large AF base. Military people are "special". I appreciate your sacrifice and the way you live your life so that we have the freedom to enjoy our life. Thank you!

Laura B. said...

Hugs and prayers to you and the children.Keep busy and hopefully the time will fly. Thanking your husband again for his service to all of us. Land of the FREE because of the BRAVE.

jolene's spot said...

aww Im sorry Sandra. I will be praying for your husband and family. ((((hugs)))

autumnesf said...

And every kid takes it differently. When my son was a teen he rebelled horribly while dad was deployed. I got to stay behind and pick up the pieces and be strong on my own. My first daughter would cry at the drop of the hat -- but her school was awesome and had special lunches with friends for her in the councilors office and everything -- made a huge difference. The youngest MUST talk to him daily by phone or all you know what breaks loose. It makes it so hard when all you want to do it have a good cry for yourself. LOL

Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com said...

I'm sending you a virtual hug, Sandra, having been through so many TDYs before my husband's retirement from the Army. Our kids would cry, too, and it was so hard wanting to comfort them and needing to be comforted, too. So you take care of your children, and we'll all do our best to wipe your tears. Meanwhile, you'll all be in our prayers, and in our hearts. God bless.

Susanne said...

Oh Sandra. Lots of hugs to you and your kids! And prayers to your husband and those with him.

Did you mention how long he will be gone?

Aunt Nita said...

Wish I could give you a BIG Bourland hug...I will be praying for you both...saying that or Thank.you is never enough...if I was already retired I would just come see you...and wrap my arms around you. I love you and appreciate you...God is showing me about my duties as a wife...I.hope I am as strong as you!! <3

Susan said...

My prayers are with your husband and all of the men and women that are deploying with him. My prayers are also with you and your children. I will say the same prayer I said for my husband and now for my son. May God hold your husband in the palm of His hand and surround him with angels on every side. Keep love in his heart and bring him home safe, strong and healthy. Amen! Many hugs to you and your children. I know you are going to cry, we all do, so you could try what I did. I scheduled a small crying jag for every morning in the shower. I took 2 to 3 minutes to just let it all out and then I lathered up and got my day underway. All that steam keeps your eyes from getting puffy! ;)

Shalee said...

I remember sleeping in my parent's bed with Mom and waiting anxiously for Dad to return months later. Mom tried to make the best of it, but really, I knew she couldn't wait for him to return. It was a HUGE sigh of relief for her, not only that he's safe and sound but also that she could have a break from the likes of me and my brother.

Bless you and your family. I know that having the family together is the best blessing possible!

Suellen aka Suzy said...

I am feeling so bad for you, so proud of your husband (there are so many men in this world who just don't step up to ANY plate) and so happy for me. I get rid of my platonic roommate tomorrow. He's an alcoholic who has let my cats out numerous times. They don't have their shots. The last time the cat was out for LITERALLY hours on a hot day, roommate didn't tell me that he'd left, and the poor thing came home dusty, hot, tired, and very very thirsty.

my prayers go with you, your children, and your husband. Pray for me too, that I find a good job or a good roommate or both

Daenerys said...

Just be tough... If you come to think of it, he's doing it for the country so proud of you guys!

ArmyWifeWrites said...

Praying for you, your kids, and the safety of your hubby and his buddies!

Margo said...

Prayed for your husband's safety.