Wednesday, May 30, 2012
And my heart breaks.....
As a military wife, you get conditioned to a lot of things. You learn to make do. You learn to accept the fact that the mission will always come before the family.
But there's one thing that you never quite get used to and it hurts just as much every single time, no matter if they're gone for a day, a month, or a year.
My husband just walked out of the door.
And just like every other time before it, my heart broke.
I try so hard to be strong, I put on a brave face, I tell the kids that it's ok, time will fly, and then my hubby will come to me and put his arms around me and tell me he loves me and I cry. Every.single.time.
Because it hurts. Because no matter how many times I've been through this in the past 15 years, it just never gets easier.
So here I am. A cup of cold coffee, crying children, and my own tears sliding down my face.
See the thing is, with all the previous times he has had to leave, the kids were never old enough to remember or to really understand. Yes at the time they cried for him, yes at the time they asked why, but they don't remember any of that.
Now they're older, they KNOW. They get it, and they don't like it.
But it's part of the military life, and it's something that we couldn't shelter them from forever. I hate seeing them this upset, when your children cry and when they hurt, you hurt too. I wish that I could somehow save them from this hurt, but they are military children. They are brave, they are strong and they love their father with all their hearts.
We'll stay busy and we'll cross out the days on the calendar every night.
They'll snuggle into bed with their daddy shirts. Everytime daddy leaves, they pick one of his shirts and he sprays his cologne all over them. They sleep with those tight in their arms until daddy returns.
As for me. Half of my heart walked out the door this morning, and I have to allow myself to cry, to feel, but then I have to put myself back together, put on a brave face, and tackle the next few days, weeks, months.
Because I'm strong. Because I'm a military wife and because my husband needs me to keep the candle burning until he walks back through that door.
I ask for prayers for safe travels for him, for his coworkers and for the rest of the airmen from our base who are also leaving today.
On this day:
In 2006: Treasure Tuesday
In 2007: When is school starting again?
In 2009: Five Senses Saturday
In 2010: All gave some.....and some gave all
In 2011: Happy Memorial Day