{ My spiritual journey and how I am growing through the darkness }

I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me. - Revelation 3:8

Let's grab a cup of coffee and sit for a bit.

I haven't done a sit down and talk from the heart, post, in a while.  With everything going on in my life at the moment, I didn't want to really go into it, didn't want to talk about it or discuss it.  I think it's one of those things where you feel that the more you talk about it, the more real it is and you can't really pretend it's not there.

You know that feeling right?

When life comes at you and knocks you off your feet, the last thing you want to do is keep being reminded that you're on your behind.

But, it's also through these hits, that we grow and that we learn some of our most valuable lessons.

I can honestly tell you that the month of June, was one of the darkest and lowest points of my life.  I don't know if I've ever mentioned here on my blog how I've always been very close to God, had my moments of drifting here and there, but never for too long and never too far.

My whole life I have had dreams of fighting evil.  Ok, you can stop laughing now.  I know it sounds absolutely ludicrous, and I can't say that I wouldn't laugh if I read this elsewhere online, or heard it from a friend or relative, but the truth is that I would never tell you something that isn't true.

I don't understand it, never have, though I'm sure one day I may actually find out why this keeps happening.

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. - Mark 4:39

My dreams?

I'm either fighting evil hand to hand, someone I love is possessed and I'm trying to remove the evil entity from them, or I'm being physically or mentally attacked by evil.  I always win, but the dreams just keep happening.  It used to make me extremely uncomfortable, to the point where I didn't want to go to sleep for fear of having another one of these.

As I've gotten older, they have become less frequent and I've also learned not to fear them.

All this to say, that my whole life I have always felt like I was in a constant state of spiritual attack.  Oh the stories I could tell you where my family itself was attacked with the strangest things.  Maybe one day I'll sit down and tell you those, if it's something you're interested in.

But God has and always will be protecting me and guiding my way.

The month of June was the lowest, the darkest, the scariest and the biggest spiritual attack that I have ever been under.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31: 6

I withdrew inward.  I allowed the constant barrage of negative thoughts to take over, and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.

One morning, I found myself in the bathtub, sobbing.  Just sobbing uncontrollably!!!

It was like I couldn't get my thoughts together, and every time I tried, more and more negative thoughts, fears, worries and anxiety kicked in.  My poor family didn't know how to get through to me.  If you've ever felt completely out of control, that was me, that morning, in that hot bathtub.

As I prayed and prayed, rebuked the devil and his negativity, I started to feel a peace wash over me.

The next week, every single day, every single minute was a mental battle.  I have never, again I say, I have NEVER felt this way in my life.  Over the years I have become very good at recognizing an attack, and quickly thwarting it, rebuking it and not allowing it to take over my day.

This attack however?

Like nothing I have ever encountered.  I could not shake it, I could not stop the bad thoughts, I could not function.  PERIOD!!!

I dropped to my knees, grabbed the Bible and started reading.....

Genesis

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

And I didn't stop.  Every day, I reached for my Bible, continued reading, continued in prayer, and removed all distractions from my life.

I filled my Youtube viewing with Christian documentaries, sermons and prayers.  That is how I filled my days, nothing but God.

The switch didn't happen overnight, I will tell you that it took weeks for me to come out of that fog, for the negative thoughts to stop coming, and for me to feel at peace completely, with our situation, with whatever happens and whatever comes after.

I have grown in this process, and I mean grown in leaps and bounds.

We have gone back to church.  My husband is reading the Bible again, has enrolled in school and is finishing off his Master's Degree in Christian Ministry, and both of my kids have started attending church as well.

This never would have happened if this situation hadn't come up.  I am being completely honest right now.  We were in a comfortable life, and just going with the flow.  But that is the beauty of God, He uses certain moments and allows certain things to happen in order to shake us up out of that slumber.

My husband needed a shake up, he admits it, he knows it and he is so grateful that this happened because it lit the fire under him to move, to change, to persevere to realize that he is worth so much more and he was stuck.

Through all of this, I have heard sermons that seemed to be on just for me.  You know when you are going through something and it seems that everything you come across is directed at your soul?

Yes, that!!!

Here are some quotes that struck a cord and have helped me stay focused on the outcome and not the progress, because we always seem to forget that we only see the now, where God sees the whole plan, the whole future.

♥♥ Your behavior in this season, will either walk you in the favor that God has planned for you, or leave you where you are.
♥♥ We have to decide whether we are going to follow God into promise or stay in provision.
♥♥ God calls us to move in the hardest seasons.
♥♥ Worship and step in the water.  Worship and step in the water.
♥♥ God takes things you thought were over, and turns it around.
♥♥ Unexpected blessings come from unexpected situations.
♥♥ You don't need to know the way, you know God.

I hope some of those touch you the same way they did me.

Whatever situation you are dealing with at the moment, I encourage you to reach out the Lord.  Pray, read the Bible, put pressure in His word.

His plans for us are so huge, so incredibly huge, but we don't see them because we're limited to what is directly around us.  We are not seeing a month, 3 month, a year down the line.  We kill ourselves with worry and anxiety, we make movies out of our lives that are never going to play out.

Letting go of that control is one of the hardest things we can ever do as humans.

I am here to tell you, that it can be done and when you finally let go, it is the most freeing feeling in the world.

I am nowhere near where I want to be spiritually, but I am working hard on my relationship with the Lord, I'm learning, I'm growing and I'm letting God work my life.

While we have no clue what tomorrow brings, nor how everything will turn out on the 29th of July, we are at peace and safe in the promise that the Lord takes what the enemy meant for evil, and turns it for good.

And that is good enough for Curt and I.

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” - Revelation 21:5