A Miracle!!!!

I'm so sorry I've been missing from my blog, I haven't been able to concentrate on anything other than my grandmother, and friends, it's been really really tough the past 10 days.

I thought that I would come and give you an update on what I've been going through and what is happening with my granny.  Be forewarned this is going to be a long post and will also include some photos that some may find a little hard to see, just scroll through if you need to, but I have to share it and feel compelled to share it all in order to tell you exactly what is happening.

My grandmother was on the brink of death, literally at death's doors.

3 days ago the doctors let us know that there was no hope, that they had done everything they could and that death was imminent.  We were told to say our goodbyes, and there's nothing more excruciatingly difficult than to know that the person you love so very much, is leaving this world and you will never be able to talk to them or see them again.

The photo above was sent to me by my oldest brother.  It was shocking to see and it absolutely broke me. Not being able to be in South Africa during this time was something that I found very difficult to deal with.   I wanted so badly to be there, as hard as it was to see her like that,  i needed to be able to hold her hand, hug her, just let her know I was there.  To say that I was and am completely physically and emotionally drained, is an understatement.

I have yet to have a good night's sleep, the time difference makes everything that much harder, when the family was getting news about my gran, it was middle of the day for them but middle of the night for us, so my phone was constantly buzzing throughout the night, not to mention my heart was heavy and I was scared and worried and just couldn't sleep.

Her body had shut down, she couldn't breathe on her own and needed the ventilator, her heart beat was slowing down, she had diarrhea, there was blood in her urine, and the doctors and nurses told us that her body was ready to stop.

I sat in my walk in closet, closed the door, and poured out my heart to my grandmother in a voice message.  I told her what she meant to me, I told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything she taught me and everything she saw me through, and I said goodbye, and let her know that as selfish as I wanted to be to ask her to please stay, I had to think of her and if this was her time, then she needed to know that it was ok to go, that we would miss her, but that we would understand and we would eventually be fine.

I cried for days, I cried until I felt I couldn't cry anymore and just when I thought I had nothing left in me, the flood gates would open again and I broke down.  My husband and children did their best to comfort me.  I literally walked around like a zombie.

My oldest brother played messages to my gran, she couldn't talk, and was in and out of consciousness, but when she heard our voices, she squeezed her eyes shut to acknowledge.

My 3 brothers and I have a group on Whatsapp where we exchange messages, photos, supported each other through this, and where my two brothers in South Africa kept me and my brother here in Idaho, up to date.

Every time one of them visited her, we got photos, we were told what was going on, what the doctors and nurses said, what my gran was doing etc.

It's really helped my brother and I here in the States feel like we are there and going along this whole process with them.

And then Thursday, my youngest brother was at the hospital and posted this photo to the group with the caption "You are NOT going to believe this".

As he walked into the ICU and up to her bed, she turned her head towards him and opened her eyes.  She acknowledged him, she nodded, she tried to talk even though she couldn't because of the breathing tube in her mouth.

Her blood pressure which was 8/5 the day before was now normal, her heart was beating normally and she was breathing all on her own.  We were all stunned.  The nurses and doctors were immediately called in to assess her.

She wanted the tube out and again tried desperately to talk.  She recognized everyone visiting her, and seemed to have come out of whatever state she was in.

My brother messaged me and asked if I could please send her a voice message as she was feeling a little confused, I did.  I said hi, I said I missed her and I loved her so much and I asked if she could do something for me "give me a little smile, it would make me so happy grandma".

She did!!!!  She heard my message, she nodded, she gave me the smile when I asked her to.  I cried, I cried so very hard but I was terrified of getting my hopes up, after all this had happened so many times when people seem to suddenly come out of their unconscious state only to immediately after pass away.  The calm before the storm...that is all that I could think about.

Her cardiologist and physician came in to check on her and told us we need to wait 24 hours to really know what is going on.

When my brothers visited her that night, she was wide and propped up in bed.  Huge folks, that is HUGE!!!!

On Friday morning, 24 hours after she first woke up, she was propped up in bed, watching TV, still trying to talk, her ventilator removed, her vitals all back to normal, the urine in her blood completely gone and her diarrhea gone.  The nurses said they actually had her sitting on a chair in the afternoon.

When my father talked to the doctors, their exact words were "This is a miracle, we have no explanation what we are witnessing, it surpasses all human understanding.  We really don't have an explanation from where she was 2 days ago to today, again, it's a MIRACLE!!!"

Praise the Lord!!!   Oh my friends, there have been so many people praying for her the past 10 days, family and friends and friends of friends and people in South Africa, Portugal, USA, England and all over the world.

She has continued to improve, and today she celebrated her 92nd birthday.

The family gathered around her, the tubes had all been removed and she was able to finally talk and have a sip of water and some ice chips, the first in 10 days.  She talked to everyone, she was back to her old self, she laughed she joked and she doesn't remember anything before the last 2 days.

And then she dropped a bomb that has hit us all like a ton of bricks.....

"I saw my mother.......I actually went through the tunnel."

My word!!!!!

I have always believed in the tunnel, in life after death, in seeing our loved ones waiting for us on the other side, but even though I've read books about it, watched TV shows on the matter and believed it, it was never something I could really say for sure that it was true, mainly because I didn't personally know anyone who had been through it.

And now here was my grandmother, one of the women in my life that means the world to me, one of the women in my life who has NEVER lied about anything in her life.

She didn't elaborate, and when asked if she saw her husband too (my grandfather), she just looked at them and didn't say a word.  We won't push, but I believe that as she starts feeling better, she may just divulge all the details and I for one can not wait to hear.

This was her today.........

She has come so far.  I'm beyond thankful to every single one of you who prayed for her, who kept her in your thoughts and who has been there offering words of comfort and support the past few days.

It has meant the world to me and my family.

I don't know what is in the future, how long she will be around or what is happening next week, but I know one thing for sure, that the Lord has pulled her from the brink of death and performed a miracle for our family and I will never forget it for as long as I live.

I've loved Him for as long as I can remember, I've been a Christian for so many years and have always known and believed in the power of prayer.  He has been with me through so much and I love Him with all my heart and soul.

I'm not here to change anyone's mind, I'm not here to tell anyone they need to change what they do or what they think, I'm merely here to share our story and to pass on this amazing miracle that we are witnessing.  But if this post helps even one of you out there who is struggling or still questioning the power of God, then that is all that matters to me.

A miracle is an event not explicable by natural or scientific laws.

{ Happy Fall }

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me,

fluttering from the Autumn tree." 

- Emily Bronte

Autumn

By John Greenleaf Whittier

Heap high the farmer's wintry hoard!

Heap high the golden corn!

No richer gift has autumn poured

From out her lavish horn.

Let other hands exulting glean

The apple from the pine,

The orange from its glossy green,

The cluster from the vine.

But let the good old corn adorn

The hills our fathers trod;

Still let us, for his golden corn,

Send up our thanks to God.

It's here, it's finally officially here and I'm thrilled.

Not that I needed an actual date to tell me what I already knew, see, for the past few weeks I've been watching my trees turn, the leaves going yellow and falling to the grass below, the mornings getting a little nip in the air, and fog rolling in.


Fall has arrived, and with it some of my favorite things on earth. 

Scarves, boots, pumpkin flavored everything, hot chocolate, warm days and cold nights, crisp air and hoodies.


With Fall also comes the beautiful orange glow of the season.  Things take on a different view, vibrant colors become more subdued, the flurry of summer activities start slowing down and preparations begin for the colder months ahead.


This photo above happens to be my favorite from this set.  You know why?  Because aside from that perfect leaf on the ground, it is nothing but weeds, annoying weeds, but when I look at it I don't see the ugliness or the annoyance of those sand spurs, I see beauty.

It honestly makes me think of life in general and how everything has a beauty of it's own, no matter how ugly it may be labeled by society. 

Seeing the beauty in the hard times, the tough moments, is what gets us through.

I haven't said anything on my blog yet, but if you are friends with me on facebook then you will know that the past few days have been excruciatingly hard for me and my family.

My sweet dear grandma is in hospital fighting for her life.  A month ago she had a pacemaker put in to regulate her poor tired heart.

On Sunday she couldn't catch her breath and was transferred to the hospital.  She has been in ICU since then with an accelerated heart beat, fluid in her lungs and an infection.  On Monday she went into cardiac arrest and is now in renal failure too and on a ventilator.  She is hooked up to 6 IV's and now has a hole in her throat so they can feed her.

I'm heartbroken, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm lost and I'm feeling absolutely helpless because I can't be there to hold her hand.  It's killing me and I'm struggling really really hard to keep it together.

I know the inevitable is coming, she is after all 92, but I can't let go and selfishly I want her to stay around for many more years, but that is not fair to her.  So I've put it in the Lord's hands and all I can do now is wait and see what happens.

She means the absolute world to me.

So this morning, I stepped outside with my camera and allowed God to calm my heart and to force me to take a deep breath and slow down and try to block it all out, at least for a minute or two.

I don't know what the next few days hold, I find myself breaking down and crying at random times throughout the day, and at first I tried to stop myself, but I can't friends, I need to let it out, it's almost as if my body is preparing for her passing.

This is life, this is the cycle and sometimes we are hit with circumstances that knock us right off course, the trick is to allow yourself to go through the emotions while still moving forward. 

That is where I'm at, the struggle to balance it all......

90 years old!!!

 
A whole life, almost a century and still going strong.

My beautiful granny Odete, turned 90 years old today.  You know, all the women in my family live very long lives, which is such a blessing.

It still hurts that my other granny Jacinta passed away last week, it's heartbreaking in so many ways, mostly because I wish that I had the time with her to forge as strong a bond as I have with this grandma.  But, I can't dwell on what could have been.

She is now officially the last grandparent I have, my word.

Over the years you have heard me speak about her at length, about what she taught me and how we used to sit for hours with a cup of tea and just talk and talk and talk.

She was there for all the important moments in my life, she watched me grow from a small child into a teenager, watched me go through the teen craziness and then onto a young woman, and she was also there when I met my husband, when I cried, when I jumped up and down with giddiness when he proposed and for my wedding.

I don't know if I would be half the woman I am today, if it weren't for my granny.

So thankful to have had her in my life and I only hope that she is around for many, many more.

Happy Birthday Granny, I love you more than words could say!!!

Friendship Friday!!!

Do you have a friend you would like to honor? Maybe they did something special for you, or were there through a rough period in your life. Maybe they helped you move or brought over chicken soup when you were sick, watched your kids for you?

Well here's your chance to honor them. Every Friday I'm going to honor one of my friends, either one that I've met through blogging, or my closest friends around me. If you want to join in, just grab the banner and add your name to Mr. Linky.

The friend I picked for today is actually my grandmother Odete, my dad's mom. We all know how special grandmother's are right??? And even more so, when they become your friends, your confidants and even your partners in crime.

Before I got married, my grandmother had already become one of my closest friends, we would sit every afternoon, have some tea and chat. We chatted about everything, about her life, her childhood.....she would tell me stories about how she met my grandfather, the places they went, funny stories about my dad and uncle and the rest of the family.

I would sit quietly, smiling or laughing at her words, and then I would share my stories, my first boyfriend, the current boy trouble I was having, high school drama, the way I looked, what I wanted to be etc.

It was a great time to bond.

I still remember vividly when I first met my husband online. My grandmother was the only one who knew and she pretty much went through the whole process with me. She even helped me pay for the ludicrous phone bills that I incurred talking to him. Remember I was in South Africa and he was here in the States. When you throw 4 hours plus of phone calls into the mix, you get a phone bill that is sure to send anyone running. :)

But she stuck by me, through the ups and downs, she was the one I went to and confided in when something was wrong, or when something was right.

My grandma, my wonderful wonderful friend.

So I wanted to honor her today, because she deserves it and because I miss her so much. Just like leaving Hayley and the rest of the family behind, leaving my Grandma was so hard. I miss our talks, our shared cups of tea, our laughs as we would sit watching "Days of Our Lives", just everything, and I can't wait to see her next year, put my arms around her and give her the biggest hug on earth.

I love you grandma!!!