"Every leaf speaks bliss to me,
fluttering from the Autumn tree."
- Emily Bronte
Autumn
By John Greenleaf Whittier
Heap high the farmer's wintry hoard!
Heap high the golden corn!
No richer gift has autumn poured
From out her lavish horn.
Let other hands exulting glean
The apple from the pine,
The orange from its glossy green,
The cluster from the vine.
But let the good old corn adorn
The hills our fathers trod;
Still let us, for his golden corn,
Send up our thanks to God.
It's here, it's finally officially here and I'm thrilled.
Not that I needed an actual date to tell me what I already knew, see, for the past few weeks I've been watching my trees turn, the leaves going yellow and falling to the grass below, the mornings getting a little nip in the air, and fog rolling in.
Fall has arrived, and with it some of my favorite things on earth.
Scarves, boots, pumpkin flavored everything, hot chocolate, warm days and cold nights, crisp air and hoodies.
With Fall also comes the beautiful orange glow of the season. Things take on a different view, vibrant colors become more subdued, the flurry of summer activities start slowing down and preparations begin for the colder months ahead.
This photo above happens to be my favorite from this set. You know why? Because aside from that perfect leaf on the ground, it is nothing but weeds, annoying weeds, but when I look at it I don't see the ugliness or the annoyance of those sand spurs, I see beauty.
It honestly makes me think of life in general and how everything has a beauty of it's own, no matter how ugly it may be labeled by society.
Seeing the beauty in the hard times, the tough moments, is what gets us through.
I haven't said anything on my blog yet, but if you are friends with me on facebook then you will know that the past few days have been excruciatingly hard for me and my family.
My sweet dear grandma is in hospital fighting for her life. A month ago she had a pacemaker put in to regulate her poor tired heart.
On Sunday she couldn't catch her breath and was transferred to the hospital. She has been in ICU since then with an accelerated heart beat, fluid in her lungs and an infection. On Monday she went into cardiac arrest and is now in renal failure too and on a ventilator. She is hooked up to 6 IV's and now has a hole in her throat so they can feed her.
I'm heartbroken, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm lost and I'm feeling absolutely helpless because I can't be there to hold her hand. It's killing me and I'm struggling really really hard to keep it together.
I know the inevitable is coming, she is after all 92, but I can't let go and selfishly I want her to stay around for many more years, but that is not fair to her. So I've put it in the Lord's hands and all I can do now is wait and see what happens.
She means the absolute world to me.
So this morning, I stepped outside with my camera and allowed God to calm my heart and to force me to take a deep breath and slow down and try to block it all out, at least for a minute or two.
I don't know what the next few days hold, I find myself breaking down and crying at random times throughout the day, and at first I tried to stop myself, but I can't friends, I need to let it out, it's almost as if my body is preparing for her passing.
This is life, this is the cycle and sometimes we are hit with circumstances that knock us right off course, the trick is to allow yourself to go through the emotions while still moving forward.
That is where I'm at, the struggle to balance it all......
