{ October 2nd - Blogtober 2018 }

Hi everyone, welcome back to my blog :)

First I want to congratulate myself for actually sticking to and blogging, for the whole month of September.  I didn't think that I would be able to do it, if I'm to be honest with you.  I've tried before to get back into blogging and it didn't work, and I think it didn't work because it wasn't meant to and I wasn't in the right frame of mind....so to speak.

I'm so happy and proud of myself for not falling off the wagon though :)

And since I've been daily blogging, it has made me fall in love with my blog all over again, which means, I don't want to stop blogging or go long periods of time again without posting.  I'm sure I'll be able to stick with it, but just in case I don't, I have given myself another goal and that is to do a Blogtober through every day this month.

{ It's often hard to see the significance in our season }

Life is full of seasons, chapters, doors closing and others opening.  We think we are just getting through one season unscathed and another season comes upon us, leaving us struggling, lost, confused and unsure of how to get through it.

My husband and I are going through such a season at the moment.....the one where your 19 year old makes a decision that you don't necessarily agree with, but have to let it happen and just trust that the lessons you have taught them, the advice you've given, is enough to keep them on the right path.

{ Apple Butter, welcoming fall and a rainy day }

The day began with the pitter patter of rain outside.  It had been such a long time since we had a good downpour and I welcomed it with open arms.

Aside from providing a much needed relief to the hot temperatures we've been enduring for months, it also seemed to bring in September and give us a quick glimpse into the incoming Fall season.

{ Bible Journaling - Time to get real }

We are all CREATIVE because we were CREATED in the image of the CREATOR!

WOW!!!  Talk about a thought provoking and humbling quote.

I heard this quote this morning, while listening to one of the videos in my latest adventure.  I say adventure because it truly is an exciting thing for me.

The past few weeks, I have talked about the spiritual journey I'm on, how hard it's been and how I'm making changes in my life.  One of those changes is all about reading the Bible more and being consistent with it.

But there's a slight problem, and this is where I am going to get brutally honest and real with you all.

I struggle to read the Bible!!!

There, I said it.

I've read pieces here and there over the years, but I'm not a daily reader, I haven't yet read the whole Bible, and mostly because I just don't know how to read it, where to start, how to stick with it and not get bored.

As a Christian, the thought of even admitting out loud that I find some of the books in the Bible, boring, is something that makes me cringe.  I shouldn't be saying that, that goes against everything in me, but I'm also honest and open and I can't lie about it or pretend that I'm one of those wonderful women who can quote scripture easily, reads the good book every day, has read it all from cover to cover and so on.

I would love to be able to say that I am just like that, and who knows, maybe one day I will be at that point, but right now, in the present, and in the past?  Yeah, it's not like that at all.

The part where I've struggled the most, is thinking that I need to be reading from the very beginning in Genesis, and just going along like a story.  I've tried, trust me, and I fail every.single.time.

Why?  Well because I approach it all wrong.

Recently, I sat at my dining table with my mother and father in law, two amazing faithful God loving Christians who both know the Bible intimately.  I asked them for help, for suggestions on how to read it, how to start reading it and how to get past the dry parts of the Bible, which for me are the very beginning books containing the families, and all the names and so forth.

After speaking to them and getting great advice, I also turned to the internet and researched dozens of websites, trying to find what spoke to me or helped me get past this obstacle.

Here's what I've learned:

• You don't HAVE to start in Genesis, matter of fact, most people suggest starting in John or Romans, or Proverbs.
• Stop thinking of the Bible as intimidating.
• Pray to the Lord for understanding, for Him to show you what you need to take from that scripture.
• Take it slow, start with a few minutes a day and then increase
• I love History and so I've decided that I need to approach the Bible in that sense, for me reading it as a beautiful History account, is what I think will help me stay on track.

I believe that the Lord guides us to certain websites or people, when we need it the most, and that is exactly what happened yesterday.

While researching Bible reading, I happened upon a Bible Journaling Group and Convention, and I knew immediately that is exactly what I needed to help me along.

I signed up for the Convention, which by the way, is free, and I took the plunge.  I'm a very creative person, always have been and I had never thought to join the two things.....Creativeness and Bible Reading.

I only wish I had come across it before and started sooner, but never mind that.  I got my Study Bible which as empty blank borders on the side for notes or whatever else you wish, and this morning, after sitting down to watch Day One's Interviews and Tutorials, I started my journaling.

I've had this Bible for years, probably close to 10 at least.  It's just been sitting there, waiting for me to start reading, to pick it up and love it and give it the attention it rightfully deserves.  And I didn't.....until today.

I've scribbled on some of the borders, just a verse that stuck with me while looking through.  Some people draw and color and paint right on their main Bible, but I just can't bring myself to do that, so I'll stick with the border until I can buy myself a proper Journaling Bible, which I am hoping to do maybe this weekend. 

In the meantime, I have some pretty scripture print outs that I'm going to be coloring in and then just adding to the books of the Bible where they belong.  Like the one above, and the one below.

Sitting at the dining table this morning with my colored pencils and Bible, just coloring, reading and starting this project, was one of the best mornings I've had in a very long time.

I am so excited to read now, and I can't wait for tomorrow's convention videos to be emailed to me.

In the meantime, I have made the decision to start reading John and then go from there, actually my reading plan is as follows:

John
Romans
Psalms
Proverbs
Genesis


I'll be sure to share as I go along, and if I get a journaling Bible this weekend, I'll most definitely show you all.  I'll also let you know how this is going for me and maybe show some of my journaling pages as I move through the Bible.

I'm ever so thankful to the Lord for guiding me through this process, I really could not do it on my own. :)

{ When it becomes the norm }

I want to start this post by letting you all know that I got my mammogram results, and everything is normal.  Praise the Lord!!!

Your prayers and thoughts always help, so thank you so much for that :)

I know that some may find this whole thing silly in a way, but I've had issues since the age of 18, ultrasounds, call backs, more exams and imaging, fibrocystic breasts, pains and lumps and all sorts of things.

When that happens, a yearly breast exam done by my doctor, or my mammograms the past 3 years, become quite stressful and anxiety inducing.  For me. Not everyone is the same, and I'm hoping that as the years go by, I reach a state of fearless, non worry filled and no anxiety being around this time of the year.

The past week has been one of full on anxiety for me, so much so, that praying continually all throughout the day, became my norm.  It was the only thing that took away the edge of the anxiety and got me a little calmer.  Rebuke it all in the name of Jesus, and that is what I did, over and over again.

Here's the frustrating part about anxiety, and let me start by telling you that my anxiety only showed up a few months ago, completely out of nowhere.  I didn't really understand it, and what little I could get from it was through my daughter's daily battle with anxiety and depression....so in a way, my view and thoughts were always from an outside perspective.

When it hits you in the face and you're thrown into a full on anxiety attack, that is when you fully grasp how debilitating it can be.

Personally, I only really have Health related anxiety, meaning, any other situation in my life, no matter how scary or complicated, is met with calm, positivity and glass half full emotions.

Anything health related and more specifically breast related???

Forget it!!!

I will be talking to my doctor more on this, because I think a lot of it has to do with my hormones and possibly premenopause.  There is a LOT, and I mean a LOT going on with my body the past year, many changes, hormonal issues, cycle issues and so on, so when I go for my yearly in 6 months, I'll be asking to have my hormones tested and really try to get an understanding of what is happening.

But this week, my anxiety was out of control, so I held onto the Lord tighter, read my bible and devotionals, prayed and prayed and prayed, rebuked and proclaimed my health and life to the Lord on a daily basis.

It was hard my friends, there were days that by the time I went to bed, I was mentally exhausted from the constant battle.

This morning when the nurse finally called me to tell me the results, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, and the very first thing I did when I got off that phone was praise God, give all the glory and thanks to Him and make a reaffirmation of standing firm in my belief and not straying, not ever doubting His way, or my instincts (which by the way, have been telling me for the past 3 months that there is nothing wrong with me, while my anxiety laughed and told me I was fooling myself).

I kept busy, my Nicholas had his 15th birthday on Wednesday, and I baked him a cake, as I have always done the past 15 years.

I also took photos, went outside and sat in the fresh air, talked to family and friends, loved on my dog, made summer plans and pushed and pushed closer to God.

Because you know what hit me, especially this last week???

That this is my norm, this is what is normal for me now as a woman in my 40's and as many other amazing women out there, this is our lives.  These tests, these exams and appointments that we subject ourselves to yearly, this is OUR normal, all of it, with the uncomfortable pains and the small talk during certain procedures, and the fear and anxiety while waiting for results.

And many of us will get called back and be subjected to other stress inducing tests, and then we will wait a while longer only to be told it's all fine and to come back and do it all again the following year.

Would it be easier to not go, to not get mammograms or breast exams, to not check for ourselves, or get the yearly pelvic exams and paps and all that stuff???  Oh absolutely, I don't think any of us enjoy this yearly ritual, but at least I know that I'm doing something proactive towards my health and being able to be around for years to come to enjoy my children and my husband.

I actually have it set up where I get my mammogram the beginning of the year, do my self exams at home every month after that, and then have my yearly Gynecologist exam six months later in the middle of the year. 

And yes, this is my new norm since turning 40 and will be my life until the day I die.  I can complain, fight it, get frustrated or whatever, or I can just accept it and do what I have to do not just for me, but for my family.

So I go into this weekend with a sense of relief and a renewed love for God, for putting up with me the past few days and never letting go, and I'm so glad he didn't because the relationship I have with Him at the moment, compared to the one I had with Him just a few months ago, is worth every fear, stress, worry and anxiety filled moment I went through......and why you may ask??

Because it taught me to trust implicitly and to let go and let Him take over, and that's not something I ever want to change, ever again :)

Physical Therapy

If I were to pick a favorite time of day, I would have to pick sunrise or sunset, merely for the magical hue it places on everything in sight.

A few days ago, the sunrise was especially beautiful, a deep orange and red splayed out across the clouds in the sky and turning all the branches on the trees, a beautiful burnt orange color.  Just gorgeous :)

Here I am.....this is me!!!

I've been debating sharing this post with you all.  Let's just say that I've thought about it, started to type it, deleted it and forgot about it.  Then thought about it again and talked myself out of it.

There's this thing with being human, and that is that we feel we have to portray ourselves as something stronger than we are, we are afraid to be vulnerable, to show emotion, to show weakness or to ask for help.

We don't want anyone looking at us with pity or thinking any less.  Problem is, all those thoughts are usually what we tell ourselves to stay in that bubble.

Over the last 12 years of sharing on my blog, I like to think that I've always been pretty open about who I truly am, and I've shared quite a lot of my life, my struggles and thoughts and have tried to always be as truthful and honest as I can. But there's a little part of me that has held back, and that is the part that I am going to lay out today.

{ In all things give thanks }

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 

* 1 Thessalonians 5:18 *

I sat on my couch and looked around the living room.  All my little corners, things here and there that I lovingly set down with the purpose of making it homey.

Even those things that were just set down without a second thought, like my glasses on the book I'm currently reading.  Pieces of me, of my soul, of my likes and dislikes.

I like to think of them as small glimpses into my soul, into what makes me tick, what I'm all about. It's these little bits and bobs that will give anyone who enters my home, a bit of an understanding about who I am as a person.

And surprisingly enough, they also at times serve as a reminder, to myself, about who I am and who I want to be, and more importantly who I want to portray myself as here on earth.  On those days where I'm feeling down or a little lost, it helps to have a visual reminder, to be  able to shift my eyes around the room, from one spot to the other and always see something that is sure to make me smile and feel thankful.

"In all things give thanks".  This verse seems to pop into my mind quite frequently, it's almost as if God is sending me little hints, reminding me of what really matters, and it's not the little things that bother us, like the fact that I feel like I can't catch a break from laundry, or the nagging allergies that out of the blue hit me like a ton of bricks, or maybe the potty accident that Marley once again had in the house.

And I do, I really do give thanks in everything in my life and whatever is going on around me, even the hard moments because they're learning moments,even if we don't see them at the time.

I am so thankful, so blessed.  I have a beautiful family, a husband who loves me and respects me, beautiful children, we are all healthy, we have adorable pets and a beautiful big house.

Our pantry and fridge are full, we have water and electricity, a roof over our heads and a permanent stable source of income.

Every single thing in this house, was bought by us, or gifted to us out of love, or handmade by either my husband or I.  Even the big yards have been worked on by our own hands.  Hours upon hours in the scorching sun, blisters on the hands, and annoying prickly weeds stuck to our fingers and shoes.

 

Even in those moments when I'm tired and sweaty and clammy, and really disliking being outside, I find that the minute I step into my home, it all disappears, and I'm once again awash with gratitude.

It wasn't always this easy for me, but for a couple of years I have tried extremely hard to live a life of gratitude, to practice daily thanksgiving, and it's changed my outlook on life completely.  It's become second nature, the minute something good happens, whatever it may be, big or small, I immediately thank the Lord, without even thinking about it, it just slips right out of my mouth "Thank you Father, thank you so much".

{ The Shack }

After I did my laundry and dishes and tidied up the house yesterday morning, I sat on the couch and wanted something to watch.  I decided on The Shack, it's a movie I had been wanting to watch for a while but had been putting it off.  I'm not even sure why, maybe because I knew it would affect me somehow and I wasn't ready for it.

I sat down, started the movie up (was lucky to find it online) and from the first minute in, I was crying.  I'm not meaning just a little tear falling down my face, whimpering kinda cry, I mean bawling ugly cry.  I have never had a movie do this to me, yes I've watched sad movies, movies that I loved and thought were amazing, but this movie?  It is beyond amazing.

The Shack is life changing.  At least for me.

I've always been on a journey to a better relationship with God.  Some times I achieved, and most times I haven't.  As I've been going through my blogs earliest posts, I find myself quite jealous of the woman I used to be, when it comes to Faith.  I had one of the strongest Faiths I have ever seen, I couldn't be closer to God at the time.  It was like I devoured every single Christian book I could find and it was never enough. 
 

I want that back.....I miss it. 

So for the past week I've been telling myself, rather more like reminding myself, over and over that the only way I'll get that back is if I make the change.  And as always has been the case in my life, when I need something, God provides, or points me in the right direction.  It can be a book, a quote, something somebody says to me or even a movie.

I honestly believe he led me to watch The Shack yesterday.

I needed it so badly right now.

The truth is that the past 2 years since we moved to Texas, things haven't been easy.  Financially we felt it was the best decision for our family but since moving here, it didn't seem like it.  Things kept happening, we've accrued more debt and more bills, our rent and utilities are way more expensive here, hubby's contracts kept ending, he was laid off and so on.

Just a few days ago we were in the car and we both said to each other "You know, I'm starting to wonder if this was a good idea, if maybe we shouldn't have just stayed put in Idaho, because it's been a constant of things going wrong since we got here.".

I had started questioning why God would bring us here, why put forth this opportunity if we were going to be worse off than we were in Idaho, why dangle this before our eyes and then leave us here feeling lost and alone and confused.

My, my how far I had fallen. 

In the movie, Mack has similar thoughts, but completely different circumstances as he deals with the loss of his little girl.  But nonetheless, I was able to relate to some of those negative questioning thoughts. 

This is why I cried, because through the movie I was able to see just how wrong I was, how completely and utterly wrong I was in what I was thinking about God.   One of the scenes in the movie, God is talking to Mack and God says this......

“Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.”

WOW!!!!  Just WOW!!!!  It stopped me dead in my tracks, it changed me, it made me love God even more and gave me the motivation and incentive I needed to get back on track and working towards the relationship I had with Him in 2006.

Suddenly the world looks brighter, everything makes sense, and I have a feeling of overwhelming peace.

I can't tell you enough just what this movie did for me, or recommend it enough for others to watch.  I would love to hear from you all, especially if you've read the book or watched the movie.  What did you think about it, did it change you in any way?

I know for me, I'll never be the same, but not in a bad way, in a very good way. :)

It's in the mundane tasks....

The simple moments.

When you're standing at the kitchen counter, in your robe, in the early morning hours, making a cup of coffee and a slice of toast.

When you're washing the dishes by hand and mindlessly standing while the warm water pours over your hands.

Or when you're folding laundry, the mountains and mountains of never ending laundry.

It's in those moments that I find myself realizing that everything that seems like an insurmountable object in my path, means absolutely nothing when you're in the Lord's grace.

The worries, the fears, the feelings of not being in control, or the overwhelming sense of being on a roller coaster with no end.  Those feelings, every.single.one.of.them mean nothing but what we make of it.

I'm not saying that problems don't exist, or that there is no fear and worry or pain.  Of course all of those are legitimate feelings, but it's what we do with them that can either push us through the day to keep fighting, or hold us stuck in place in sheer panic.

So as I go about my days lately, I focus on the mundane tasks at hand, and anytime my mind starts drifting into a problem that I've handed over to God, I immediately push it out of my mind.

It's not always easy, oh my goodness, it's actually almost impossible at times to let your mind go right back to old bad habits.  But, I'm making an effort to push through and push them away and it's been working miracles in my well being, mentally and physically.

As I type this up, a huge thunderstorm is brewing outside.  The thunder is loud, the raindrops are heavy and it reminds me of my soul when I let problems get the better of me.

I choose to believe that the drowning sound of the rain on the roof, is almost like God hammering away all my worries and fears, all the negativity surrounding me and my family.  And boy does it feel good to think that way.

I've been struggling, you all know that, but I also know that you've all been praying for me and my family and I can't tell you how much that means to me and how thankful I am.  I haven't seen huge changes or resolutions to some of the issues, but I have noticed some signs here and there that God is working on my life, and I'll take it.

No matter how small the change may be, I will gladly take it and accept it and smile through it.

As I work through this not so good phase in my life, I'm turning to those things that always make me feel better.  I'm reading again, I'm crocheting, I'm homemaking and I'm decorating and crafting and blog posting. 

I'm not going to make any promises because life is crazy at times, and school IS starting next week, but I really do want to continue staying focused on these things, because after all they are what brings me the most joy.

Being a homemaker!!!!

So many lessons I have learned

 
You know how I always say that things happen for a reason, and we need to let go and let God?

But it's easier said than done, and I usually believe this with all my heart, but every single time that something goes wrong or doesn't quite work out the way I want it, I tend to react in a negative way first.  It's like all common sense flies out the window and I forget what I believe in only to replace it with shameful whining and complaining.

These past few weeks in preparation for the retirement and the move, have been some of the hardest moments of my life.

Things have come and things have gone, opportunities have presented themselves and then been swiftly removed from under our feet, and I have found myself at a loss, stuck, wanting and wanting and not getting and not understanding why.

I have seen the worst in myself, been torn down and pushed to the limit, been tested and asked by God "are you really trusting of my timing?"...."are you sure that you have faith in me to do what I think is best for you, even if it's not what you had in mind?".

I'm going to be completely honest with you.  The answer to both of those has been no on quite a few occasions.  It's been embarrassing for myself to realize that I really am not quite the faithful, trusting child of God that I thought I was.  Again, it goes back to the whole *easier said than done* issue.

Our plans of buying a home have been officially put aside for the moment.  I would like to say that I accepted it graciously and that I didn't complain once, but I would be lying because I did throw quite the tantrum at first, and I fought God every step of the way in the first few weeks.

I'm slowly and I emphasize, very slowly coming around to being the Christian and the woman of God that I want to be.

It's been a painstakingly hard process, some very tough decisions had to be made, some equally tough lessons had to be learned, but I am extremely blessed to have a husband who loves God as much as I do and who has held my hand through all of this, allowed me to hold his and together we've grown in Christ.  And for that alone, and if for nothing else, I am so thankful for what we've been through.

The truth is that we tend to get stuck in a certain pattern and when we see something we want, and key word is "WANT" not "NEED", we think that we're entitled to it, and we think that because we're Christians all we have to do is pray to God and He will give it to us, just because we asked.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that He answers our prayers and He WILL give us the things we ask for, but it's not always when we want them and sometimes it's not even the exact thing we were asking for.  Knowing the difference and understanding it and accepting it, is by far one of the hardest hurdles any Christian can go through.

I can only speak from experience, of course, and from my own life, but I do so with the hopes that someone out there will read my words and have that light bulb moment of realizing that they are in a similar situation or have been in the same boat and know exactly what it feels like.  Maybe, just maybe they will read this post and realize that it's not a lost cause, and that sometimes we have to go through these moments of sheer panic and desperation to get back on track with God.

I have been brought to my knees, I'm clung to the Bible and to His word, I've devoured devotional after devotional, I've cried, I've begged, I've stripped off all the layers of negativity and stubbornness and I've come through on the other side.

Better, with a stronger marriage than ever before, with renewed passion for life and well on my way to being that all trusting, full of faith child of God that I have wanted to be for so long.

It's been so hard, and I've stepped aside from the internet a bit, just so I could work on me, because I deserve it and I can't be there for anyone else if I'm not happy with myself.

But oh the feeling, the amazing feeling of contentment and joy, of knowing that everything is going to be just fine because He loves me and never leaves me.....there is nothing like it.

So thank you for all the prayers and the thoughts and the advice, truly, I wouldn't be able to make it through any of this without the continued support of family and friends.

I know this post has gone on quite long and I've probably lost a few of you along the way, but I felt compelled to write this.  I almost didn't do it, started it, deleted, started again, wondered who would care about what I'm saying, but felt led to post it, so my hope is that it helped at least one person, maybe it was the message that you needed to hear today, who knows.

I do feel better for writing even though it's now 10pm and I really should be in bed resting, but that's ok, first things first right???

Have a blessed night my friends!

He always knows best!

Yet for some unknown reason I still question and wonder and get frustrated and sometimes I downright demand answers from Him, as if I think I deserve anything with the attitude.

See it's always been a struggle for me, the whole control issue has been exhausted in my life and even on my blog, I've mentioned it quite a bit so you would think by this point in time I would be a pro, an expert at dealing with the Lord, a know it all and been through it all. Quite wrong actually, so this is why I'm writing this post today, in the hopes that others out there will share with me, and you, their personal experiences in a way to maybe get some insight and learn a lesson or two.

When Jasmine got sick again on Saturday I didn't think much of it, kids get sick all the time. Ok, MY kids seem to get sick all the time, but that's neither here nor there, the point is that I didn't really worry about it, until monday morning when the fever kept getting higher and she kept getting weaker and more miserable etc.

Then I stopped, and during my prayers, asked the Lord to please take the fever away, to make her better, to step in and heal her. Then I sat back with a stupid grin on my face and thanked Him for doing it.


Again, it's the control thing and the ignorance on my part, because no matter how many times I've heard the saying "all in His time" I still tend to think I have some special line to Him, that He will put everything and everyone else aside for my problems and issues. How ridiculously unfair and quite pathetic on my part....but you know, I'm human and I err and continually stumble and mess up. This is why I love my blog, because on here I can be ME, the real me, without hiding behind a facade or pretending to be something I'm not.

By Monday afternoon I began feeling extremely irritable, I couldn't understand why such a simple request for my child to be better, was not being answered. The truth is that it WAS, I was just too blinded by my need to have things done on MY time that I wasn't seeing anything else.

When Curt and I had to take her to Urgent Care yesterday I was beyond annoyed. Yes, I get annoyed at the Lord and anyone who says they don't, is lying....with me it doesn't last for long but there's that split second where I think "Come on, why are You not answering my prayers?"

I sat there with my little girl running a fever of 103.4, out of it, extremely sick and as I look down at her I felt helpless, like I had never felt in my entire life. That overpowering feeling of knowing that you've done everything you can but yet it's not enough, it's not up to you anymore. That's when I had that brief meltdown and inwardly told the Lord that I was really upset with Him.

But after being to the doctor, getting the antibiotics, coming home and now watching my girl starting to get better, it suddenly hit me.

He didn't ignore my prayers, Yes, he didn't take away the fever and make her all better when I asked him, but it doesn't mean He wasn't at work. He was. The proof is in the fact that any other time I would have kept doing what I was doing, giving the Motrin and doing the washcloths and the baths and the fluids and hoped that she would feel better. But I didn't, I scooped her up and took her to Urgent Care all the time questioning the Lord, wondering why I was having to go this far when it was nothing more than a cold.

Now I look back and think "You were right, You couldn't take the fever away on monday and just make it all go away, because she needed the antibiotics, she needed to have a doctor look at her and see that her ear is red and her throat is red and she's really sick".

And once again I was hit with the reality of it all. STOP trying to control things, STOP trying to tell the Lord what His timeline should be. Let go and Let God! So simple but yet so so hard for me to grasp. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever quite get it, I would like to think that one day I will but for now.....not quite there yet. Still stumbling, still learning.

What about you? I want to know if at any time you asked for something from the Lord and got irritated that it wasn't done when you wanted it, only to have it come to fruition at a later date and making you realize that it was for the best. That it really wouldn't have been the same or good if it had happened when you asked.

Won't you share with us?

{ Nurse Calling }

If you're anything like me, when the phone rings and you see certain names and numbers on there, you get nervous. So it went this morning when around 11 am, I was just about to start mopping and the phone rang, knowing that it's probably a telemarketer, I just wandered over and took a peek at the caller ID.

The number on there was from the kid's school and right away my heart clenches, I don't know what it is, but the minute any call comes in from that number, my mind immediately goes to "what if's".

So I pick up the phone and it's the school nurse informing me that Jasmine's teacher had sent her down to the Nurses Office with a sore throat, sore stomach and a headache. She asked me if I wanted her to just give her tylenol and see how it goes or if I wanted to come and pick her up seeing as she has been sick this week and was home yesterday because of it.

If this had been any other time, I probably would have told the Nurse to go ahead and give her the medicine and keep an eye on her, BUT being as both kids have been sick this week I felt it better to pick her up. I did go ahead and grab Nicholas too....apparently he was just going to recess. He comes walking around the corner with his little backpack on, a runny nose and coughing. Yep....I made the right decision, so they're both home for the day.

I'm a very protective mother, I don't like knowing that I'm not in control when my children are not feeling well, so having them both with me at home where I can keep an eye on them, is just what we all needed.



So that was my day, surrounded by kleenex, clingy miserable kids, blankets and teddy bears, medicine, soup and juice. I'm exhausted right now, it's hard enough when one child is sick but when they're all at the same time, it's double the work for little ol' me.

I have to tell you earlier today I felt quite overwhelmed, because at one point I had laundry needing to be switched from washer to dryer, the dishwasher open with dishes waiting to be loaded and I had both kids crying at the same time and asking me for different things. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe, like I wanted to just dig a hole and climb in and come out when everyone was feeling better.....and then I remembered this book that I absolutely love, "Diapers, Pacifiers and other Holy Things".

In one Chapter the author says "If you faithfully wipe your child's runny nose, I will give you a mansion." LOL

Which of course we know is from Luke 19:17 "Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities."

It always reminds me that in order for me to be responsible for big things, I need to be faithful in the little mundane ones.....far too often as a mother and wife AND especially military wife, there are many times that I want to throw my hands up and give up, cry out "UGH, enough, I don't want to do this anymore". You know when you're having a super bad annoying, everything goes wrong, kinda day?

But this book always snaps me back to reality, when I feel that way I grab it and I page through it and see things like:

God entrusts you with little things to teach you faithfulness in big things.

God wants you to see that each little thing you do can have eternal impact.

WOW! Yes, Yes and YES! Everything we do matters, even the little things which we think of with no significance, like cleaning runny noses and scrubbing toilets, if your motive is right.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Colossians 3:23, 24

And that's what I try to do everyday! I don't always succeed and I don't always remember this, but I try.

I did get a chance to sit down and do some crochet for Valentine's Day. Curt and I don't do anything specialy, as you already know, but I do usually make little chocolates for the kids Teachers and a nice dessert for dinner.

This year though, I'm going to take a page out of Bella Dia's book and make this adorable Crocheted Heart Garland. I've had my eye on it for so long, but alas my crochet skills were non existent. So glad I can do it now.

I'm going to stick with red, white and pink hearts for my garland and I've already made one and started the second. I couldn't believe how easy and quick they crochet. It's the perfect project for when you want to get rid of leftover yarn.

(click each thumbnail to enlarge)

Here soon I need to get the kids in the bathtub and ready for bed, I've decided to keep them home from school tomorrow, no sense in having them go back only to get called by the nurse again. Baths and pj's, milk and medicine and off to bed early, I'm sure with some good rest over this weekend they'll be healthy and ready to return to school on Monday morning.

Tomorrow it's payday so I'll be out all morning, thank goodness that Curt is home to watch the kids. So I'll be out getting groceries, running errands and picking up lunch and whatnot. It's usually an exhausting day but it feels good to come home and see the cupboards and refrigerator overflowing with food.

Anyway, I think I've babbled enough for today, hope you're all having a wonderful Thursday night. Stay warm and stay safe and God Bless!