After I did my laundry and dishes and tidied up the house yesterday morning, I sat on the couch and wanted something to watch. I decided on The Shack, it's a movie I had been wanting to watch for a while but had been putting it off. I'm not even sure why, maybe because I knew it would affect me somehow and I wasn't ready for it.
I sat down, started the movie up (was lucky to find it online) and from the first minute in, I was crying. I'm not meaning just a little tear falling down my face, whimpering kinda cry, I mean bawling ugly cry. I have never had a movie do this to me, yes I've watched sad movies, movies that I loved and thought were amazing, but this movie? It is beyond amazing.
The Shack is life changing. At least for me.
I've always been on a journey to a better relationship with God. Some times I achieved, and most times I haven't. As I've been going through my blogs earliest posts, I find myself quite jealous of the woman I used to be, when it comes to Faith. I had one of the strongest Faiths I have ever seen, I couldn't be closer to God at the time. It was like I devoured every single Christian book I could find and it was never enough.
I want that back.....I miss it.
So for the past week I've been telling myself, rather more like reminding myself, over and over that the only way I'll get that back is if I make the change. And as always has been the case in my life, when I need something, God provides, or points me in the right direction. It can be a book, a quote, something somebody says to me or even a movie.
I honestly believe he led me to watch The Shack yesterday.
I needed it so badly right now.
The truth is that the past 2 years since we moved to Texas, things haven't been easy. Financially we felt it was the best decision for our family but since moving here, it didn't seem like it. Things kept happening, we've accrued more debt and more bills, our rent and utilities are way more expensive here, hubby's contracts kept ending, he was laid off and so on.
Just a few days ago we were in the car and we both said to each other "You know, I'm starting to wonder if this was a good idea, if maybe we shouldn't have just stayed put in Idaho, because it's been a constant of things going wrong since we got here.".
I had started questioning why God would bring us here, why put forth this opportunity if we were going to be worse off than we were in Idaho, why dangle this before our eyes and then leave us here feeling lost and alone and confused.
My, my how far I had fallen.
In the movie, Mack has similar thoughts, but completely different circumstances as he deals with the loss of his little girl. But nonetheless, I was able to relate to some of those negative questioning thoughts.
This is why I cried, because through the movie I was able to see just how wrong I was, how completely and utterly wrong I was in what I was thinking about God. One of the scenes in the movie, God is talking to Mack and God says this......
“Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.”
WOW!!!! Just WOW!!!! It stopped me dead in my tracks, it changed me, it made me love God even more and gave me the motivation and incentive I needed to get back on track and working towards the relationship I had with Him in 2006.
Suddenly the world looks brighter, everything makes sense, and I have a feeling of overwhelming peace.
I can't tell you enough just what this movie did for me, or recommend it enough for others to watch. I would love to hear from you all, especially if you've read the book or watched the movie. What did you think about it, did it change you in any way?
I know for me, I'll never be the same, but not in a bad way, in a very good way. :)