Friday, January 8, 2016
Falling off the homemaking wagon
It happened, last year.
One thing I've always been so proud of, was the fact that I love homemaking and love doing those tasks that so many others seem to find annoying, frustrating, useless. I won't lie, there are certain aspects of homemaking that I like less than others, but overall, I love being a homemaker.
With the move last year and everything that was going on, I kind of fell off the happy homemaking wagon. It's as if one minute I was trotting along quite happily and the next we hit a huge rock on the path and everything went willy nilly all over the place.
Since then, my homemaking has been mediocre at best, just being done because it has to be and often times tackled with the same inspiration and motivation of someone walking the green mile. Truly!!!
I've let it slide, always with the excuse that there was so much going on, this is temporary, you'll pick it right back up soon. But folks, it's been a half a year and now that things have finally calmed down, it's time to get my butt in gear, hop right back on that wagon and continue plodding down the path.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that even I, have my days, or in this case, months.
It's ok to not always enjoy being the homemaker, to not always approach it all with a big smile on our faces, we're human and sometimes as moms and wives and homemakers we feel so much pressure to please and to have everything so perfect, that we forget about ourselves and what we need.
The trick here, for me at least, has been to sit back and allow this process to work itself through.
First it all happened because of the move, 4 months separation from my hubby, followed by the cross country move with a broken down car on the side of the road somewhere in Colorado, the influx of family activities and places we needed to be, family reunion, trips here and there, and my body trying to catch up with it all.
Then I just told myself that I needed time to relax and calm down and de-stress, so to speak.
What followed then were the past two months where the holidays kicked in and as much as I wanted to jump back on that wagon I told myself "why bother, there's too much going on, just let it slide".
Let me quickly explain something though, I hope I'm not confusing anyone by making them think when I say I let it slide or fell off the wagon, that it means I stopped cleaning my house or homemaking in general. No, no, no.....it means, I stopped caring about the little details, about making things for my home, about trying my best to keep it all cozy and warm and cute. I just did what was necessary for that day, dishes and cooking etc.
Didn't go the extra mile, so to speak!!!
Beginning of this year, about a week ago, I started feeling this overwhelming need to go back to my roots. It didn't help that I've been going back on my blog and reading posts from prior years where I was like the perfect little homemaker, always on top of everything. It made me feel good to read these posts but it also made me feel somewhat like a failure? Like what is wrong with me that I stopped caring, stopped doing little things for the house.
The more I read, the more I realized how much I miss that structure and routine, and the more it became apparent to me that I have got to get my butt in gear and jump back on that wagon STAT.
Not because it's what is expected of me, or what others may want, but because it's what feels right and because it's what I love, and because I miss putting on my apron every morning and going about my chores, and making homemade bread, and preparing lunches for my children, and crocheting pillows for the couches and little doilies or jar cozies.
I miss plants in my house, I had so many back in Idaho and couldn't bring them with me and the house feels so empty without them. I miss my herb garden back in Arizona, and my vegetables too.
I miss doing the dishes by hand and seeing all the pretty dishes drying.
I miss setting the table all pretty and sitting down for a meal with my family. Oh we still have meals together but it's usually a quick hit and run, plates and forks and knives, a napkin and there ya have it.
I miss lighting candles and sitting down on the couch after a long day with my crochet.
I miss a house that is fully finished, not having to worry about moving boxes that have yet to be unpacked (I always unpacked everything within a few days of moving, not this time).
I miss being organized and staying organized.
I miss me.
The me that had time for everything, the me that would do laundry almost daily and not leave it for the weekend, the me that had a spotless kitchen and not dinner dishes in the sink in the morning, the me that made the phone calls that needed to be made and the appointments that needed to be set.
We can be our biggest critics, that is for sure. I know I am, but instead of going on about this, I had a nice long talk with myself.
But now the talking is done, and I am sitting down today to work out a plan of action, a routine, a way to get me back on track without feeling overwhelmed.
Truth is, and I'm sure you all know this already, but when you fall of the wagon with regards to anything, it's mighty hard to get back on, and mighty hard to not feel completely overwhelmed in the beginning. Trick is to get past that, to push through.
So, I'm saying this in here because I need to be held accountable, and what better what for me to do that than to put it down on my blog where I will see it, and read it, and know what needs to be done.
There will be no more tackling household chores with a sense of dread.
There will be no more rushed meals to get on the table.
There will be no more boxes in closets waiting to be dealt with.
There will be no more lists of things to do collecting dust.
There will be no more dragging myself through the day, counting down the hours until bedtime because I feel exhausted.
There will be no more skipping blog posts just because it's too much effort to get on and write something, it's not that I don't have things to blog about, it's that I didn't have the patience.
There WILL be the old me, back on it, back being the homemaker that I always took so much pride in. I miss her, so very much and am thrilled to have reached this moment where I'm ready to make a change.
Past year has been absolutely miserable for me, I haven't been very happy to be honest, and not because of anything outside of myself, but because I wasn't being true to myself or my family or my house.
I know this post is long and I apologize, but I needed to vent and get my ideas in order, and if this in any way helps other homemakers out there, then even better.
I guess ultimately what I'm trying to convey here is that we all go through these moments and just as easy as it is to fall off that wagon, it's not impossible to get back on.
So if you've been feeling as I have, just know that it's normal and that you can start to enjoy your role as a homemaker, and when you do, taking care of the family and the house won't seem like such a difficult, frustrating task to do.
If you've made it to the end of this post, thank you, thank you for listening and reading, I so appreciate it :)