I am in absolute shock and awe at the moment. Pure overwhelming, awe, love, thanksgiving and amazement at God and what He does.
I always heard that when you start having a close relationship with God, that He will sometimes work through you. He will use you to minister to someone, to send a message, to tell someone something they really needed to hear. It hadn't happened to me yet, but this afternoon, at my doctor's appointment no less, He used me, gave me the words and helped me minister and encourage my gynecologist. Unbelievable!
I had mentioned that I was nervous and anxious, as I always am for these appointments, let's be honest, it's not something that any woman likes doing. It's scary, it's uncomfortable, awkward and seems to instill this fear in you of what could possibly go wrong or be wrong.
My biggest thing has always been the breast exam. For some reason that just freaks me out more than even a pap smear.
I had been in prayer the past week, because my previous doctor who I absolutely loved, left the beginning of last year, so by the time my appointment rolled around in November, I had a new doctor.
When I went for that appointment, I was so nervous and though she was very sweet, I felt that she was a bit rough with the breast exam. I know they have to check and prod and poke but she was pushing super hard, I felt like I was sore for days after. I didn't want that to be a repeat, and so I had been praying over that. Turned out that I didn't even need to do the breast exam. Apparently they are no longer being used if you are low risk and are up to date with mammograms. I don't know, but right there a huge relief washed over me.
She proceeded to do my pap smear and pelvic exam, everything was fine, and then we were doing the final chat, you know when they tell you everything is fine, what and if they need you to do as a follow up, like my routine blood work, and she also wants me to get my colonoscopy done. (I have been putting that off forever, but it needs doing).
She commented on how amazing I looked, how much younger and healthier, she was shocked that I had lost 45 pounds, and was genuinely so happy for me.
I was telling her what a blessing this whole blood work had turned out to be, because even though I was upset at first, if she hadn't sent me for the blood work, and my triglycerides hadn't show a slight increase, I never would have started this health journey. She was a blessing in disguise, and the results of the test were a blessing from God too because it gave me the push I needed to get healthy.
At this point, I started feeling the tears pooling in my eyes. I tried very hard to not cry, but I couldn't help it, and I started crying and before I knew it, she had moved her stool next to me, and was crying herself. I then started feeling this immense need to minister to her, to talk to her about God and I am not a person to do that at all. I am quite shy in public.
It was an internal struggle for a minute or two, the holy spirit pushing me and me essentially going "nuh uh, I'm not saying anything." And then it happened, before I knew it, it just started pouring out of me. I told her that God loved her, and she began bawling, she grabbed me and hugged me so tight, just sobbing, and I continued to tell her that He loves her, she's an incredible doctor and such a blessing not only to me, but to her other patients. I don't know why I was saying these things, I have no clue, but she pulled back and through tears said "Oh my God, you don't know how much I need to hear that today, how much I needed that today. I've had a horrible year, lost so much that was dear to me, and felt like I wasn't doing right in anything. I have been praying to God to please shine some light, to help me, to let me know that I'm on the right path, that I'm helping my patients, and you come and stand here and give me exactly what I was asking to hear."
Needless to say, there was more hugging and crying. At one point the holy spirit prompted me to wipe her tears from her face and when I tell you all, that it was almost like it wasn't even me, it was surreal. I again didn't want to do it, but my hand came up and slowly wiped away her tears and continued to tell her that it's going to be ok, that no matter what she faced last year, that this year is going to be amazing, she's got so much to give, and she is going to do amazing things. I told her that sometimes God allows us to go through tough situations to mold us into the people He wants us to be, to be better versions of ourselves, to move us out of places and things that no longer work for us.
Before I knew it, she asked if we could pray. She held both my hands really tight, and prayed, such a beautiful heartfelt prayer.
In that moment, I thanked God so much for what He had just done for me and through me. I have always wanted to have a doctor who is a Christian, who loves God like I do and is not afraid to show it. And now to have a doctor who is all that, but then prays with me right there in the exam room.
I wasn't even dressed guys, this is what makes it even crazier. I was still in my gown, with my little white sheet over my bottom half. Essentially naked, and God used me to lift her up and give her the words she needed.
When she said goodbye, she told she was going to have the best day, and that seeing the rest of her patients was going to be so wonderful, because she felt she had a purpose again and was doing what God wants her to do. She left the room with these words to me "I love you sister and I thank God for bringing you to me. When I first saw you today, I could tell you were different than last year, not just physically but I just felt and saw a light coming from you."
Wow!!!! Just no words!!! I left that hospital in tears, tears of joy and awe, of shock of what had just happened, of so much love, so so much more love for God, I can't even put into words the love and the gratitude I have for Him.
There is no bigger compliment than to have someone tell you that they see light shining through you, even if we don't see it ourselves. To see Jesus in you, to feel closer to God because of you. That is the most incredible joy anyone can feel.
I wish more than anything that I could somehow transmit to you what I feel and what I experienced today. If this has happened to you before, you will understand exactly what I'm feeling, but if it hasn't, and if you don't know God, I encourage you to seek Him tonight, right now. Stop what you're doing, and seek Him, He is waiting with open arms, ready to welcome you and to work on a relationship with you.
Being a Christian is not easy, you go through a lot, you are tested, you are put through the wringer, and some people find that enough reason to not want a relationship with God. But, if you actually have that closeness and that bond, it is the most powerful, most wonderful most beyond words blessing you could ever have.
Open your Bible, read, get to know Him, don't waste anymore time.
This is an experience that will forever stay with me, it will live etched in my soul forever. I wish the same for you, truly, I really really do.
Let me know if you've been through a similar experience, I would love to hear all about it.
