October 5, 2016 - August 9, 2021
I wish I had the words right now to begin to tell you, how heartbroken I am.
Marley started getting worse last week, and very quickly declined. Sunday he became quite lethargic, wouldn't eat or drink, go potty etc. And he also began to throw up. It continued all Sunday, and into Monday morning.
By Monday he was throwing up blood too, and we knew that it was time to say goodbye.
We called the vet, and she said she would be over at 1pm.
Curt, myself, Jasmine and Nick sat with him from 8 am, loving him, kissing him, hugging him, and telling him what a good boy he was and how much he changed our lives.
Everyone was able to hug him and love him, but he was very offish with me. He would look away when I tried to love him, or would actually stand up, in his very weak state and try to go hide under the table or by the couches.
I couldn't understand it at first, and it broke my heart that he wasn't allowing me to be with him the last few hours of his life.
Ten minutes before he passed, he walked over to me, lay his head on my legs and had his first peaceful nap, since weeks.
I stroked his head, kissed him, told him how much mama loves him and that as much as it was going to hurt, he would go home to Heaven.
10 minutes he napped, then got up, walked over between the couch and futon and started throwing up again. Curt was immediately by him cleaning him and as I was walking towards them with paper towels in hand, he looked back, straight into my eyes, and the look he gave me.......oh my gosh. The look my sweet boy gave me told me immediately he was going.
He dropped to his side, and began his passing over to Heaven.
He died pretty quickly, while I held onto his face and told him over and over how much I loved him. I lost it, I'm not going to lie.
I didn't even think that I would react that way, but the pain I felt when he passed was unimaginable. My heart broke in a million pieces, and I'm struggling, really struggling to come to terms with what just happened.
He came to help me deal with the passing of Lola, and I never thought I would love another dog after her. I can tell you at this moment, that as much as I loved Lola, I loved Marley even more. There was something about this baby boy that was so special, so pure, so full of love. He didn't have a mean bone in his body, and everyone that met him talked about the sweetness he radiated.
I don't know how I will get through this. Both Curt and I are completely devastated beyond all words. We are broken, totally broken over this loss.
I apologize for not posting my Happy Homemaker Monday yesterday, I think it was the first time I haven't posted it since I began it years ago. But, Marley was not well, and we were with him, where we needed to be.
I pray that now that this season of heartache is finally at and end, I may be able to start blogging again, and doing the things I love again. I hope soon, but just know that right now, in this moment, it feels like my heart is broken beyond repair. The pain I feel is so real, so strong that I can't even breathe at times.
If you have fur babies, love them for me today. Give them a huge hug and kiss, and let them know just how much you love them.
Thank you all for the countless prayers, thoughts and love sent to me, my family, and especially our sweet boy Marley. It means so much.
To Marley, my sweet boy, my heart. I am so thankful for the 4 years God gave you to me to care for. You taught me how to love again, you healed my heart, you made me laugh, you brought me immense joy and never left my side.
I will miss our afternoon naps where you would jump onto the bed and right onto my lap. I will miss you laying next to me when I was sick, giving me kisses when I was sad. I will miss you coming to the kitchen to stand at the counter where the treats were, and barking for me to give you some. I will miss the times you stood up on the counter to see what I was doing. I will miss you laying between me and daddy at night, all stretched out, on your back happy as can be. I will miss you laying your head across my neck to sleep at night, or the way you would curl up beside me.
I will miss you bringing me your squeaky ball to play with, nudging my arm at dinner time hoping for a bite of whatever we were eating. I will miss how you clung to me the last few weeks of your life, nudging me awake at night to let me know you needed a hug, comfort, or that you were feeling sick.
I will miss your sweet face, your beautiful eyes and the love you showed me. And I will miss seeing the love and the bonds you had with your daddy, and your brother and sister.
I hope you know just how much you were loved and how much we are going to miss you here, by our side.
My only consolation is knowing that your fight against this horrible cancer, is over. That you are in Heaven running free, completely healed, with a perfect body, eating all the treats you want and playing for hours on end.
I count down the minutes until the day I see you again.
I love you Marley!!!