{ What has really been going on with me }

I've been feeling very unmotivated again, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.  I prayed on it, over and over, asking God to enlighten me, to show me what is going on and why I feel this way.  It seems I've been feeling like this for a while.

But, I think I finally realized what is going on, with the help of God and my husband and children.  

 

See, this started last year around this time, when Marley first got sick.  I went months walking around like a zombie, taking my sweet boy back and forth from the Vet, trying to figure out what was wrong.  

Then he got diagnosed with Lymphoma and within a month he was gone.  It was all so quick, and yet so slow.  There were days that I felt the stress would never end, I couldn't think straight, I didn't know how to get past it, and just wanted it to end, not even realizing that once it did end, it would catapult me into a deep grief.  Yes, what I am dealing with is grief.  Pure and simple.

I don't think I ever really dealt with my feelings.  The first part of the year I was focused on *fixing* him, wasn't getting much sleep, wasn't eating properly, was exhausted mentally and physically, and then losing him was excruciating for me.  It still is.  I still can't think of him without crying and feeling a pain in my heart, like never before.

 

 

I hadn't quite realized just how deeply this had all affected me, until I tried to crochet after he passed, and I just couldn't do it.  He was my little shadow, he was always near me, always around when I was working on a new crochet project, and I guess I connected the two.  I've tried over and over to pick up my crochet hook, to start a new blanket, or work on an old unfinished one, and I just can't do it.

 

I even tried again last week, I grabbed my crochet bag, picked a few colors and was all set to sit and do the one thing that I have loved for so long.  Started, ripped it apart, started again, ripped it again.  Just could not feel it, and it started frustrating me, to the point I set it aside and have let it just be.  For now!

 

For some reason, I have not been able to get past Marley's death.  I haven't accepted it, I haven't move on, I haven't made peace with it, any of it.  It is strange in a way, because I've had so many dogs before, and I've lost so many too.  It's not that I didn't love my dogs, because I did, all of them and I felt their deaths deeply, but Marley?  There was something about him.

 

And that's probably why it's affected me so much.  So, I'm making myself face what happened, deal with it, as ugly and raw as it may feel.  I need to accept it, see it for what it is, and move on.  I haven't even able to get another dog, it just hasn't felt right for me.

 

But I'm giving myself time to really go through the process of grief, seeking help and hopefully bring a new sweet puppy into our family, by the end of the year.  I miss the companion of a dog, I just can't seem to do it quite yet. 

I'll get there, I'm sure, just as soon as I face it head on and stop living in denial.  I will say, having Elliott has been so good for me.  I had no clue I would ever all in love with a cat, but this sweet boy has become my shadow.  You know how they say cats pick their person?

I never believed that until Elliott.  He goes where I go, he has to be near me all the time, cuddles up against me, purrs and throws himself at my feet.  I love him so much!!!

As always God knew what I needed before I even did.  Thank you Lord!!!

 

I know that I will never get over it, that's normal,  we learn to live with it, but we don't forget.  Please just pray for me, that I am able to get through this process, to not hold back, to not shy away no matter how painful it gets.

I need to, so that I can get back to enjoying my life, and my blog, and all the things I've always loved doing.

In the meantime, I am trying to just live each day, whatever it brings.  

Whether it's enjoying watching the birds out in the yard, or new plants coming in from the ones I propagated, or just my usual homemaking, cleaning and cooking. 

The biggest thing I need to remember and keep in mind, is that we gave Marley a wonderful life.  He was so loved and so spoiled.  I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world, and if you ask me would I go through this all over again to have him here?  Absolutely, without even a second thought.  

He was that special.  

So I'll get there eventually, just have to be kind to myself and stop ignoring what happened.  

I'm sorry if this post was not my usual, but it's been weighing on my heart for a long time, and I felt I needed to get it written down and on the blog.  It's a part of my life, it's a part of my journey, and I want to be able to look back on it one day, and see where I was and how far I came.

I am looking forward to the day I come on, and share our newest family member, and know that I will be able to love him or her, just as much as I loved Marley.

If you've made it to the end of this post, thank you.  Thank you for sitting and reading and letting me vent a little.  As I said above, I would really appreciate your prayers.

I'll leave you now with a picture of my sweetest boy.  Gosh how I miss him ♥

{ My sweet Marley is gone }

 

October 5, 2016 - August 9, 2021

I wish I had the words right now to begin to tell you, how heartbroken I am.

Marley started getting worse last week, and very quickly declined.  Sunday he became quite lethargic, wouldn't eat or drink, go potty etc.  And he also began to throw up.  It continued all Sunday, and into Monday morning.

By Monday he was throwing up blood too, and we knew that it was time to say goodbye.

We called the vet, and she said she would be over at 1pm.

Curt, myself, Jasmine and Nick sat with him from 8 am, loving him, kissing him, hugging him, and telling him what a good boy he was and how much he changed our lives.

Everyone was able to hug him and love him, but he was very offish with me.  He would look away when I tried to love him, or would actually stand up, in his very weak state and try to go hide under the table or by the couches.

I couldn't understand it at first, and it broke my heart that he wasn't allowing me to be with him the last few hours of his life.

Ten minutes before he passed, he walked over to me, lay his head on my legs and had his first peaceful nap, since weeks.

I stroked his head, kissed him, told him how much mama loves him and that as much as it was going to hurt, he would go home to Heaven.

10 minutes he napped, then got up, walked over between the couch and futon and started throwing up again.  Curt was immediately by him cleaning him and as I was walking towards them with paper towels in hand, he looked back, straight into my eyes, and the look he gave me.......oh my gosh.  The look my sweet boy gave me told me immediately he was going.

He dropped to his side, and began his passing over to Heaven.

He died pretty quickly, while I held onto his face and told him over and over how much I loved him.  I lost it, I'm not going to lie.

I didn't even think that I would react that way, but the pain I felt when he passed was unimaginable.  My heart broke in a million pieces, and I'm struggling, really struggling to come to terms with what just happened.

He came to help me deal with the passing of Lola, and I never thought I would love another dog after her.  I can tell you at this moment, that as much as  I loved Lola, I loved Marley even more.  There was something about this baby boy that was so special, so pure, so full of love.  He didn't have a mean bone in his body, and everyone that met him talked about the sweetness he radiated.  

I don't know how I will get through this.  Both Curt and I are completely devastated beyond all words.  We are broken, totally broken over this loss.

I apologize for not posting my Happy Homemaker Monday yesterday, I think it was the first time I haven't posted it since I began it years ago.  But, Marley was not well, and we were with him, where we needed to be.

I pray that now that this season of heartache is finally at and end, I may be able to start blogging again, and doing the things I love again.  I hope soon, but just know that right now, in this moment, it feels like my heart is broken beyond repair.  The pain I feel is so real, so strong that I can't even breathe at times.

If you have fur babies, love them for me today.  Give them a huge hug and kiss, and let them know just how much you love them.  

Thank you all for the countless prayers, thoughts and love sent to me, my family, and especially our sweet boy Marley.  It means so much.

 

To Marley, my sweet boy, my heart.  I am so thankful for the 4 years God gave you to me to care for.  You taught me how to love again, you healed my heart, you made me laugh, you brought me immense joy and never left my side.

I will miss our afternoon naps where you would jump onto the bed and right onto my lap.  I will miss you laying next to me when I was sick, giving me kisses when I was sad.  I will miss you coming to the kitchen to stand at the counter where the treats were, and barking for me to give you some.  I will miss the times you stood up on the counter to see what I was doing.  I will miss you laying between me and daddy at night, all stretched out, on your back happy as can be.  I will miss you laying your head across my neck to sleep at night, or the way you would curl up beside me.  

I will miss you bringing me your squeaky ball to play with, nudging my arm at dinner time hoping for a bite of whatever we were eating.  I will miss how you clung to me the last few weeks of your life, nudging me awake at night to let me know you needed a hug, comfort, or that you were feeling sick.

I will miss your sweet face, your beautiful eyes and the love you showed me.  And I will miss seeing the love and the bonds you had with your daddy, and your brother and sister.

I hope you know just how much you were loved and how much we are going to miss you here, by our side.

My only consolation is knowing that your fight against this horrible cancer, is over.  That you are in Heaven running free, completely healed, with a perfect body, eating all the treats you want and playing for hours on end.

I count down the minutes until the day I see you again.

I love you Marley!!!

♥♥♥♥♥

{ Marley has a diagnosis }

Yesterday started out pretty normal.  I got ready in the morning, and then took Marley to the vet, to drop him at 8am, off for his surgery/biopsy.  I filled out the paperwork, signed the usual pre op sheet and kissed him goodbye.  

The nurse told me that she would give me a call around lunch time when he woke up, to let me know how it went.

I came back home, walked in the door, started the water boiling for a cup of coffee and was talking to my sister in law, when the phone rang from the Vet.

I picked it up and it was his doctor.  She told me that Marley was not well, that he was getting worse quickly, that she wouldn't be able to do his biopsy, because when they drew blood for his Fever of Unknown origin panel, that they had a hard time getting the blood to clot.  She just didn't feel comfortable doing surgery on a dog that wouldn't be able to clot his blood.

To say that I was stunned is an understatement.  I immediately started crying and asked her what now, is my dog ok, is he going to be ok?

She informed me that she would like me to come and pick him up and take him immediately to the big Vet Clinic in Oklahoma City to see one of the Internal Medicine Specialists that has been following his case.  They could better assess the situation and maybe do the biopsy themselves since they have all sorts of equipment at their disposal.

She gave me the number for the Vet and told me she would keep Marley as long as needed and would keep watching him, but that he really was not doing very well and needed to be seen by Internal Medicine as soon as possible.

 

I hung up the phone and just broke down in tears.  I couldn't understand how everything just went downhill so fast.

I immediately called Curt to let him know what was happening and he rushed home.  While I was feeding Elliott and getting ready to leave, he quickly called the other vets and made the appointment.

We then rushed to our vet to pick up our boy, and got on the road for a 2 and a half hour drive, with a sickly puppy.  He sat on my lap the whole well, breathing hard, panting and extremely uncomfortable sitting on his swollen back legs.

Our vet couldn't give him any steroids to bring down the swelling because she didn't want to interfere with whatever the specialists may need to do for him.

It was one of the hardest drives I've ever had to make.  You are in a truck, with your baby feeling sick, and your mind going over multiple scenarios, none of which seem good to you.  I prayed so hard, the whole way, asking God to please just help us and help Marley.  To give us wisdom, discernment and to just help us get the best treatment for him, no matter what it was.  God's will be done was my last word.

We finally arrived and he was seen immediately.  He was examined by the internal medicine specialist, they also did a sonogram on his belly, and went through all the records from that our vet had sent over.

The specialist told us right off the bat that she was leaning towards Lymphoma.  But she wanted to do a thin needle prick aspiration to send off to the lab and to also draw some blood to make sure his clotting was ok.

We once again said goodbye to our boy, they took him back, sedated him and did what they needed to do.  We waited for an hour and a half, then were able to get our baby, who was sedated and quite out of it, and start our drive home.  She didn't want to give him any steroids for his swelling until she had the results of the biopsy.  So again, we made a drive of 2 and a half hours with a sickly dog, even worse off than he was when we first arrived.  Sick to his stomach, groggy, out of it, still swollen and really hot because of the heat we are experiencing.

About an hour from home, we got the call from the specialist.  The results from the pathologist were in.

Marley has Lymphoma.

It is extremely rare for a 4 year old puppy, but it is also one of the most common cancers in dogs.  Our next step, an oncologist to talk about treatment and so on.

We talked to the doctor, hung up, and stared at each other in shock.  To tell you that I never saw this coming, I never saw it coming.  I have always been very good at relying on my instincts and any time I have asked the Holy Spirit to guide me in something or show me, or just tell me if this was going to be ok, or was that fine, or is this bad or good etc.  I ALWAYS get an answer and it's never been wrong.

From the first moment he developed the swollen nodes, everything within me, and every time I prayed, I got "It's not cancer, he is going to be just fine".

Weird thing?  I still feel that way deep in my heart.  Maybe I'm in denial, but I've never been wrong before, and neither has my husband, so this was shocking.

Shocking to us, and shocking to the vet and specialists because Marley's symptoms have never fit into lymphoma or any other cancer.  He was fitting more into infections, especially with the fevers, rash and so on.

Let me just make something very clear.   The vet and specialists did everything in their power, the past 4 months to nail down what was wrong with him.  We checked off every disease and infection from the list, and were working our way down.  The reason a biopsy was only going to be done now, is because Marley has been fine, playful, happy, eating, drinking, just being Marley.  The only thing wrong that we could see was the swollen nodes which didn't seem to bother him at all.

The biopsy that was supposed to happen Thursday and then changed to yesterday (Tuesday), was practically our last resort, kind of a "it's nothing else, let's just do the biopsy and see if anything shows up".

Unfortunately everything just took a turn yesterday morning.  Out of the blue, from good to bad.

I'm so thankful to God, not only for moving the appointment from Thursday to Tuesday, but for literally saving Marley's life by having us rush him to Oklahoma City, which prompted an immediate aspiration biopsy and rushed lab results.  He was able to start steroids again last night which have saved his life.

This is Marley this morning.  The swelling has almost completely gone, he still has a bit of swelling on his back feet but those are quickly going down as well.

He is still not eating very well.  He didn't eat all day yesterday, and had about 5 blood tests done, sonograms and exams, plus the stress of being left with strange people in two different veterinary clinics, and then super long car rides.  He went through a lot.

Curt and I had to force the steroids down, and we hated doing it, broke our hearts, but we had to get them in him as quickly as possible and he refused to eat.  Had to break down the steroid pills, mixed them with a little water and used a big syringe to get it down into his mouth.  

He is still slowly coming around, but is already feeling much better.  He also ate 3 chicken strips around 10 am which made me so happy.  It's not a lot but it's something.  And he is still drinking water as he normally does and going potty, so that's good.

Please understand that this diagnosis is extremely devastating for my family and I.  My heart is broken, especially since we got Marley to help me with my grief over losing Lola 4 years ago.  To know now that I face losing my baby again, is so painful.

Ultimately, God has the last say and He may use this situation for a testimony in the future, and for praise to be given to Him.  But if not, if Marley is going home soon, then I will have to accept that and deal with it as best as I can.

We have a long road ahead of us, and I can't believe I'm sitting here talking about my Marley having cancer, while also dealing with my SIL's breast cancer diagnosis too.  It's too much, but if God is letting or allowing this at the moment, then it must be for a reason, a good one.

Just keep Marley in your prayers please.  

We are going to do whatever we can to save him, and keep him comfortable for as long as we have him around.  It's not going to be easy, we've been down this road with Lola and with Bella just 4 and 2 years ago, and to think we are facing it again so soon, is just.............

Thank you to all who have reached out, left messages and emails, private messages on social media and have been praying and covering myself, my family and our Marley with so much love.  We appreciate it more than you know.

{ Marley's ongoing health issues }

We've been on a roller coaster the past 2 months, with Marley's health.  

He's always suffered from allergies, but they seem to have gotten worse over the past few months, and then his lymph nodes started swelling up.  We knew then that something was not right and took him to the vet.

I've talked about this before, it was suspected that he had some sort of infection going on, because his blood work had come back negative for cancer or anything else.  He did a treatment of steroids and antibiotics, and even though it helped the infection, it didn't solve the problem.

We were sent home and told to give him Benadryl.  Over the next month that what we did but the lymph nodes never went down.

He started running a bit of a temperature and so we decided to take him to a different vet for a second opinion.

She was shocked at how big his lymph nodes were.  Again, the possibility of an infection was mentioned and he is now on a one month treatment of steroids and a broad spectrum antibiotic.

We just went back yesterday for a reevaluation to see if we are on the right track, but unfortunately his glands continue to be swollen, though they tend to fluctuate.  They go down, they come back up, go down and come back up.

It is the strangest thing.

The vet was and is perplexed and said she has never seen a case like this.  She called in a specialist and the specialist herself is confused and perplexed as well.

So, this is where we now stand.

I will tell you that Curt and I are almost 1000% convinced it is allergy related.  I don't feel in my spirit that it is cancer.  I have a peace about this situation that can only come from God, and I've prayed on this, and the answer I always get is "he will be fine, it's not cancer".

The thing is, we can't rule anything out.

Both the vet and the specialist have told us that we can't rule out cancer yet, because sometimes cancer will cause the nodes to swell up, and shrink back down and so forth.  (not that I'm questioning the doctors, but that just doesn't sound right to me)

Our plan of attack at the moment, is to finish off the next 2 weeks of the antibiotic and tapering off the steroids, once the steroids are done, we are starting him on Apoquel which is a prescription medicine for allergies.

A week after that we will go back in for a reevaluation.

At that point, if it is allergies, and the Apoquel has worked, the lymph nodes should be back to normal size.  If not, then we will need to aspirate one of the swollen nodes, and send it in to the lab for diagnostic.

It's never something we want to even think about.  I told the vet yesterday that I don't want to hear the word cancer, but I understand that we have to rule everything out.

 

I have been struggling with this the past two months, because the thought of my baby boy being unwell, breaks my heart.  God sent him to us to heal the pain of losing Lola, and I can't imagine that He would allow him to be taken from us after just 4 years.  

 

But, with that said.  We can't question God's plans or His will.  

 

After leaving the vet yesterday, I released it all into His hands.  I finally let it go, and said "Lord you know how much Marley means to me, to us.  I am releasing him unto your hands, Lord do as you will, we will just follow whatever the plan is."

 

It was a relief, like a flowing rush of stress being removed.  It felt so good to just let it go, to not carry that weight on my shoulders and not fight it.

 

Again, I felt that overpowering feeling of "it's not cancer, he will be fine".

 

After arriving back home, doing dinner, and the nightly routine, I took my shower, got into bed and opened Instagram.  The very first post I saw was from Prophet Charlie Shamp, and it said this:

 

I prophesy to you tonight that where they told you that it will never work and that it's impossible;  suddenly it will rearrange!

The possibilities will be endless and the blessings will be bottomless.  I prophesy this season you will swim in the miraculous.

 

Wow!!!

 

Confirmation of what He has been telling me all along.  Right there.  Have you noticed that when you are needing a word of comfort, you will read something, hearing something, or watch something that seems to be just what you were needing?

 

It happens to me all the time.

 

In ending this post, I wanted to ask you to please continue to keep Marley in your prayers, and keep us in your prayers as well.  For us to find the correct treatment to make him better, for us to have the peace that we need to move through this trial, and for us to have the finances to afford whatever is needed.

 

I will tell you that just the past 2 months we've spent over $700 in vet appointments, medication and blood tests.  

 

It's something we do willingly, and we will do whatever is in our grasp to make our baby boy healthy again.

 

But in the meantime, we leave it in the hands of the Almighty God, for He is the doctor of doctors, the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega, the King of King and the Lords of Hosts.

 

His will be done!  

{ Week in review - Marley pulled a muscle }

Happy Sunday my friends, how has your weekend been going so far?

 

Mine is going pretty well, thankfully.  I am just sitting down to type up this post.  So far today, hubby and I have gone to church, then came home and he went to pick up some lunch for us from Braums.  Not really meals, but just some chicken sandwiches.

 

In the meantime, while he did that with Marley, I started the dishwasher, cleaned and picked up the kitchen and living rooms, cleaned the bathroom counters and got some laundry put away.

 

It's been a bit of a nutty week around here.

As you can see from the photos, Marley hurt his leg last week.  I don't even know how he did this, but he pulled his leg muscle.  I'm assuming either while playing or chasing squirrels out back, or it might have been when he was jumping into bed, because sometimes he lands weird.

 

Anyway, I called the vet and they asked a bunch of questions.  The first night, he wouldn't put his leg down, and when he walked he wobbled on 3 legs.  I actually had to pick him up off the bed and put him on the floor so he would go to the bathroom.....all 90 pounds of him.  Yikes!

But within a few hours, he was walking on the leg, he let us touch it and move it, so the vet said it obviously wasn't broken and it didn't sound like he had torn anything either since he wasn't in visible pain.

We were told to keep an eye on him, make sure he is off that leg and resting as much as possible.  We gave him dog aspirin and bandaged the leg to give it a bit more stability.  He was not a happy camper but I think he was sore and knew it would help.

Thankfully this only lasted 1 full day, and by the second day he was moving better, trying to jump on and off the bed, running around and so on.  It was so difficult to keep him from running and acting crazy on that leg, but I'm so thankful to God that he is now all better.  

Friday I got my grocery shopping done.  I went to the base commissary and got everything I needed for the next two weeks.  If you're wondering what my meal plan is, I posted it in my previous blog post. 

 

Not much else happened last week, just the usual homemaking and homeschooling, work, driving back and forth and taking care of Marley.

 

We did watch a movie yesterday afternoon, Curt and I sat down and actually ended up watching the new Lion King, which was so sweet.  It's funny but there are times that we are not in the mood for big people movies LOL    We still enjoy kid movies, to this day!

 

Well friends, I don't really have much else to say about this past week, but I did want to come in and do a quick week review.  I like knowing what went on in our lives, and it's always fun to go back in the future and read these things.

 

Sometimes we get so caught up in the moment, or if something goes wrong we tend to have that split moment thought that we've never had hard situations before.  It's good to have these moments to look back on and to remind us that it's not always roses and tulips, there are days that we are sick or one of our pets is not well, but like always, we get through them.

 

Anyway, hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend.

 

I'll be back bright and early, with our Happy Homemaker Monday. 

{ Fresh haircut and finally have bedside tables }

It is Sunday night, and I am in my bed, under the warm covers, shivering.   I am so cold!

The weather hasn't been too bad for this time of the year, we've been in the high 70's which is not normal for end of November, but today they dropped down, we had rain and high winds and all sorts of winter weather.

I will say though, we have yet to light the fire.  We try to hold out until it gets much colder so that we don't go through our wood pile too quickly.

Let me show you how I spent my weekend.

Starting with Friday morning, I dropped Jasmine off at work, then went to my commissary.  Last Friday when I got my groceries, I did a Walmart pick up, and as much as I like the convenience of it, there is always something that I order that doesn't make it to my house.  Which is ok, if they told me they didn't have the item, but they don't, they just leave it out of the order and I usually don't even realize until I'm ready to cook and am missing something.

I know, my fault too because I should check as soon as I get home, and I don't.

Anyway, some chicken, pork chops, and a few other items never made it to the pickup, and I kind of put it off for a week, but really needed them for meals, so decided to go ahead and make a trip to the store.

I managed to get everything I needed and a few extras my husband asked for, like chips.  The ground beef was also pretty cheap, so I picked up a few extra for the freezer.

Got home, got it all put away, with my trusty helper, Elliott.  He is the inspector, checks every bag, smells everything, you know quality inspector.  Hahah

Didn't do much else on Friday other than picking up my daughter from work, making dinner and cleaning the house.

Saturday morning we dropped her back off at work and then drove by Walmart to pick up the peanut oil we needed for our turkey.  Luckily for us, we spotted some really nice bedside tables for a very good price, and decided to go ahead and get them.

Got back home, and Curt got busy with his college work, he had a few papers to write.  I decided to build the furniture myself while he did that.

Love how they turned out, it is exactly what I was looking for.

While I worked on those, someone took a nap on the bed.  He is so cute, and look at just how fluffy he is.  Sweet boy!

Curt brought in some more harvest from our Fall/Winter garden.  My lettuce is going crazy out there, and so are my green onions.

I soaked everything in a water and vinegar bath, then set them out to dry on clean kitchen towels, and packed everything away between paper towels, for use during the week.

While that was drying, I worked on laundry, folded a ton while hanging out with hubby.  Look at the smile on his face hahahah  He figured out the camera was set and quickly looked back like this.  LOL

Marley sat at my feet, chewing on a piece of cardboard he ripped from a box.  He is such a gorgeous looking dog.  Love him so much.

And yes, I got a fresh hair cut.  I was trying so hard to grow out my hair but I just can't do it.  I have very thick heavy hair and it becomes a hassle for me.  I got a bob, not an asymmetrical one, just a plain bob and it already feels lighter.

And cutey Elliott sat on the couch, next to the laundry basket, pawing at every article of clothing I pulled out. 

Now let me show you Elliott's mama.  She is our barn cat, remember I told you the story of how she abandoned him in our workshop.  She took all the others and left our sweet boy behind.  

I know it's normal for this to happen, but every time I think about it, it makes me so sad.  Just thankful Curt went to the workshop that day and found them, or he would have died in there.

But, regardless of that, he looks so much like her, the face is different though and she is not fluffy like he is, but you can tell they are related.

Today, we started with rain and high winds.  I took Jasmine to work early morning and then came home, worked on editing these photos, let Marley sleep on my lap for a little and just took it easy.

Marley wasn't feeling very well today, he threw up a few times this morning and his stomach was making loud noises all morning long.  When he feels that way, he likes to lay on my lap and rest, so I let him do that.

I kind of needed that moment too.

While I was driving back home this morning, it was raining and the wind was blowing , and my little car always feels like it's being smacked around on the road.  It makes me nervous and uneasy, and so I turn to prayer and keep it going until I pull into my driveway.

But as I was driving, I was praying and listening to worship music and the tears just started to flow.  I don't know why or where they came from, but I got a knot in my throat and it just went from there.  

I started then thinking of my sweet mother in law and how she is no longer among us, how this is the first Thanksgiving without her, and it really hit me that she is gone for good.

Needless to say by the time I got home, I wanted to lay on my bed and nap all these feelings away.

And I did just that, a very short nap and then back to laundry.

Little did I know that Elliott was about to give me a huge surprise.  I had washed some bed sheets yesterday, but set them on the couch and didn't get to fold them because we got busy with other stuff.

I went to fold them today and as I started folding the flat sheet I realized that it smelled weird, and I couldn't figure out why.  I brought it to my nose, smelled it and again pulled it away.  I didn't know why it was smelling like that because I had just washed them.  That's when my eyes shifted to the couch, and a dead mouse was laying there, right where the sheet was.

  

You guys, the scream I let out must have been heard countrywide.

I dropped the sheets to the ground and ran to the kitchen.  Shoved my face under water and washed as hard as I could all the time gagging and trying to tell myself that it was ok that my nose touched the sheet that was on the dead mouse.  Hahahah

I don't know, I don't know if I can handle this mice thing with cats.  Lord knows I can't stand mice, they make my skin crawl, and now it's been 3 mice that I've had to encounter hahahah

Jesus give me strength!

Anyway, I thought that was a funny story to share and some of you cat moms can appreciate.

I am going to get this post up, then try and get some reading done before bed.  How has another weekend gone by so fast, how is it Thanksgiving in a few days?  Goodness.

Have a blessed night friends, I'll be back in the morning with our Happy Homemaker Monday.

{ New camera and my reading basket }

 

Well hello there. 

Yes, it's me, actually sitting down to work on a post that is not a Happy Homemaker Monday or a book review. For shame!!! 

Honestly, I don't like seeing my blog like this, it bothers me because I feel like so much has been happening, and so much is going on in our lives, that I should be writing it down. 

But time, time just slips through my fingers and I end up letting days, weeks and months go by without a proper blog post.

   

Not what I like to do, but it is what it is. Anyway, I am here right now and I just wanted to come in and chat a bit, catch you up on what has been happening, what we've been doing and so on. 

As you may have noticed, or maybe you didn't, but I finally got a new camera. 

My old camera has officially been packed up and set aside.  It still works and will be kept as a back up, but I am so thrilled with my new one. My husband surprised me with a Canon Rebel T7. My previous was a Canon Rebel T2i and it has been a huge blessing for 10 years.  

Yes, 10 years I had that camera. The poor thing was falling apart, the little plastic cover for the memory card won't stay shut, my battery compartment was also loose, the padding around the camera itself was coming unglued and you can even see where my fingers sit because it has worn completely down.

 

And yet, I still love it.  It was my first big girl camera, and I'll always have it with me.   I can't say that I'm not excited about my new one because I am, it's a blessing for sure and it's been a dream of mine to upgrade for many and I mean many years.   

It has been a bit hard learning all the new ways to take photos, obviously being a newer model the menu is different, the way the camera itself works is different and so on. 

It took me over an hour to finally enable my back button focus LOL 

I enjoy it though, I have always loved learning new techniques and new technology, so it's been fun figuring this one out.  It also helps that I have the cutest subjects that let me just snap pictures.  They're the best, never complain, never say they don't look good in the shots and always willing to just sit there and let me go on snapping here and there.

I think I had already mentioned how we finally also got a new bed?  I'm not sure, this is what happens when I don't talk to you every day, then I get on here and have no clue what I've shared or IF I've shared certain things.

Anyway, before we go on and I tell you about the new bed, I just wanted to clear something up.

It may seem like all of a sudden we are making all these purchases, and that is true in a way, but these are purchases that have been made over the past few weeks or so, and the reason they all seem to be happening right now, is because we are finally on our feet financially.

We have been very strict with our money and have worked extremely hard to pay off all our debt.  Just in the past few months, we paid off our lawn mower, my car, our credit card and our military card.  The only thing left is Curt's truck and we're working towards getting rid of that debt as soon as we can.

What that means for us, is that, as things have been getting paid off, we've been able to set money aside for these purchases that we needed to make, or rather these upgrades.

Next on our list of wants and needs are a new fridge, a new dishwasher, redoing the kitchen floor and the dining room floor.

But those things will come in God's timing and when we have the money for them.  

The feeling of paying off debt is wonderful though and we are very thankful to be at this stage in our lives.  Best advice I can give?

Stay away from credit cards LOL

We have also been trying to wade through a lot of legal stuff pertaining to my mother in law's passing.  That takes up a lot of time, a lot of phone calls and traveling back and forth between Texas and Oklahoma.  

It's not something we like having to do, but it is what it is, and we just have to push through and do the best we can.  

My mother in law had a house in Oklahoma that has been now passed on to my husband and his brother, so there's that too for us to deal with.

Like I said, a lot of craziness at the moment.

But, I am relying on my books to help me relax and forget the stress going on around us.

  

I have a basket, have had it for years, where I keep the books I'm currently reading, or rather, on my reading list.  It used to hold my library books, now it just holds the newer books I've acquired either at the Christian book store or while we're at thrift stores.

This one is next on my list.  Matter of fact, I think tomorrow or sometime this weekend, I will begin this bible study.  

Can not wait.  

And speaking of books I can't wait to get into?  Can we say Francine Rivers?  One of my favorite book authors.  

Sons of Encouragement and A lineage of Grace.

And then of course Liz Curtis Higgs who we know is a fantastic Christian book author.

So that's basically what I've been up to.  Homemaking, driving back and forth, taking care of business *literally* and reading, reading, reading.

I better skidaddle on out of here, it is bedtime for me, I have an early day tomorrow.

I'll leave you with this adorable picture of our Elliott getting all comfy for a nap.