When he just won't let up.....

By pureness, by knowledge, by LONG SUFFERING, by kindness, by the HOLY GHOST, by love unfeigned - Corinthians 6:6

Well hello there, it's me and I've returned to the wonderful world of blogging.

I really do love my little corner on the web, even if I do have to step away at times.

So without going into detail, I felt that in a way I needed to share one or rather, the main reason why I needed a hiatus.  It simply boiled down to an ongoing fight within me that seems to pick up every single time that I inch closer to God.

I would love to say that I have an amazingly close relationship with Him, that I have unshakeable faith and strength.  I think it may be the reason why I'm so fascinated with the Amish way of life, in a way I envy their devotion to the Lord.

But I am human and I make mistakes and I too often find myself unfocused and led astray.  I never leave the Lord's garden, I just simply tend to drift around aimlessly instead of stopping to smell the flowers.

Submit yourselves therefore to GOD. RESIST the devil, and he will FLEE from you. - James 4:7

And that is when he, who shall remain unnamed but which I'm sure you know exactly who I'm talking about, starts grinning from ear to ear, he knows what is coming.

See when I find myself drifting the first thing I do is grab on to the Lord's Hand and clutch it tightly, I open my Bible, I dive head first into devotionals and I surround myself with His love.  But that is exactly when the unnamed one ups his ante, so to speak.  That is when he gets the green light to come into my life and wreak havoc, to throw doubt, to throw worry, to give me pains and feelings and make me think that I'm ill or that I need to concentrate on something else other than what is important.

And like the human weakling that I am, I fall for it.  EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)

 I used to ask myself why.  Why would I be so dumb as to fall for it and stop doing what I was supposed to?  And then I started asking myself, why not?  Or rather, why was it happening to me.  Simple, so simple.  It's a battle for my soul and I tend to forget about that on a daily basis.  I just go on with my life, do this and that and then I start reading the Bible again and BAM!  Without fail, there it is, something happens to me or to someone I love.

He tends to latch onto things that he knows scares or worry us.  It's THOSE things that he will bring to the forefront to make you stop dead in your tracks.

So yes, I've been having my own spiritual warfare of kinds.  I used to wonder why he would care about little ol' me but I've since then realized that he cares because I must be doing something right, I must be such a threat to him that he has to try and stop me.

"With God ALL things are possible." - Matthew 19:26

 And this is when I ask for your prayers because as much as I'm determined to see this through, to push, to continue, to hold on to the Lord's hand even if by just one finger, I do need some extra help thrown my way.  Ultimately it's not just my fight, it's good against bad and we're in this together right?

I'm tired of playing the role of Christian, I don't want to just look like a Christian, I don't want to just act like I have a relationship with God.  I want to actually live it and be it.  Boy do I have a long road ahead of me.

Who knows what tomorrow brings, other than the fact that God will be my side.  It may not seem much to some, but to me it's everything.

Lord, I wait for You today. I put my hope in Your Word and ask that You would fill me afresh with Your Holy Spirit and wash away all anxiety or doubt. Shine Your light into any dark corner of my soul that needs to be exposed. I don't want my impatience or lack of trust to stand in the way of all You desire to do in my life at this time. I realize that no matter how difficult life gets, as long as I cling to You I am moving forward on the path you have for me. Help me to wait on You and not grow impatient with my circumstances simply because my timetable does not coincide with Yours. Help me to understand Your ways and not give in to discouragement. Strengthen my faith to depen on Your perfect timing for my life. Help me to rest in You and be content with where I am right now. At the same time, I ask you to heal, restore, redeem, transform, and bring new life to my situation. Teach me what I need to learn and help me get beyond this time successfully so I can rise above the storm to Your place of perfect peace. Amen.