Saturday, February 24, 2018
How I fell in love with homemaking, all over again!
I was talking to you the other day, about the fact that I had stopped enjoying being a homemaker, had fallen off the wagon and only recently found that joy again.
I wasn't going to really talk about it much, but then I started thinking that maybe there are others out there going through the same. One minute you're a happy joyful homemaker, loving what you do, and the next you find yourself not only enjoying it but completely off in a different direction.
Not to say that we're all exactly the same, or the circumstances are identical. I think we all fall off the wagon for different reasons, at different times and due to different situations.
But I wanted to sit and talk with you a bit, kind of explain when I realized I had messed up and how I figured out why and how to get back on track.
For me, it all started when we went from being an active duty family to civilian, and moving from Arizona to Idaho.
I don't think I've ever said it here on the blog, but my husband and I both agree that was one of the worst mistakes we ever did in our lives. We should have stayed in Arizona, but then again, things happen for a reason and if we had stayed we would not be where we are today.
Shortly after arriving in Idaho, my brother and his family moved to the States and moved in with us. That was another huge change, so within a month we went from active duty military family with a set routine and schedule, to being in a different state, different house, adapting to civilian life and with a very uncertain future.
I tried my best to make the move as smooth as possible for the kids and us, all the same time trying to keep things as normal as possible as well. But with everything going on, I started derailing, and I derailed pretty fast.
I often felt like I was in a whirlwind of emotions, like everything was moving around me too fast and I didn't know what to do or in which direction to go. Normal homemaking chores that applied in Arizona, now had to be changed and adapted to a new place. We moved from one house to another which was extremely frustrating because we so much wanted to pick one place and not have to worry about uncertainty or moving.
Shortly before we moved to Texas, which was yet another huge change in our already frantic and chaotic life, I started pulling away from homemaking. I did the necessary jobs around the house, but nothing more. There was no crafting, not much baking, no new recipes, my blogs were not being updated on a regular basis and I started focusing too much on things that pulled me away from the person I was and loved being.
Suddenly I was more focused on exercising, Zumba, losing weight. It's like I wanted to feel younger and was fighting super hard to avoid my 40's.
I'm going to be absolutely blunt with you all......turning 40 scared the heck out of me. Everything changed, my health, my well being, my skin, my hair, my body, my mental health and so on.
It may seem strange, but the more I focused on all of those things, the more I pulled away from homemaking, and I'm not saying it is like this for everyone, I'm saying it was like this for me.
This went on for years, from middle of 2014 to January of this year, so 2018. Almost 4 years.
Know what's weird? I strongly believe that all of this is what led me to my anxiety panic filled mini breakdown middle of last month. I think in a way my body was finally fighting back and saying "STOP, just STOP, enough is enough".
And so I did. I stopped.
I started reading devotionals every single night before bed, and praying. When I say praying, I mean actually praying with all my heart and soul, talking to God as if He is right there, holding a full on conversation. I have NEVER been able to to do that, ever and it feels amazing.
As I started healing from the anxiety, learning not to worry and live fearlessly, I started opening my eyes to everything around me. What I came face to face with, was ugly, because I had withdrawn from my family and from homemaking and doing all those little things that made them feel loved and taken care of.
I asked them if I let them down and they said no, that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but that they did notice a change, and missed me cooking and baking, and looking like I was enjoying what I was doing.
I didn't realize at the time, that I was so caught up on losing weight, hitting the gym, doing zumba, hanging with family and get togethers and so on, that I was taking away time from those that really matter.
The ugly truth is that, when we live in a worry full mindset, when we constantly catastrophize, live anxiously and stress......we don't feel well. It takes over and we stop being able to do the things we usually love. Our life, our thoughts are consumed and it leaves no place for joy.
It's like being in a constant state of irritation.
So when my mind and my heart started clearing up from that *cloud*, I was finding myself pulled towards the things that I love and enjoy, and that was homemaking and spending time with my family.
I was suddenly back in the kitchen, baking, trying new recipes, blogging more, crocheting, decorating, thinking about projects I want to finish. It was like discovering homemaking for the first time.
I am loving my job again, and I find it to be such an important contribution to my family's life and well being.
My husband and children are really happy with everything they're seeing around them, and especially the baked goodies, if I do say so LOL
The bottom line is this, I am a homemaker, I love being a homemaker and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm in no way saying that all the other stuff isn't important too, but it's secondary in my eyes and I have plenty of time to focus on it all in a few years, when the kids are out of the house. My job right now, is here, in the moment, being present physically and mentally because that is what they will grow up remembering.
If by some chance you find yourself off the wagon, don't fret, don't panic, if I was able to get back on, so can you.
If this post helps even just one of you, then I'm happy.
It just saddens me that in this day and age, homemaking is still often seen as a bad thing, when in reality, it is one of the most beautiful examples of love for our family.
I for one am going to continue on this homemaking journey, with a renewed love and inspiration.
Matter of fact, I am ending this post, and then getting busy setting up for tonight, as we have family coming over dinner.
Have a wonderful blessed Saturday friends, God Bless!!!