Sunday thoughts - Submissive or Weak?

On Friday night my friend Sarah over at Like Sunshine in the Home, gave me the heads up on a Amish show/documentary that played on BBC2 called Amish: A Secret Life. 

She knows how much I love Amish anything, so I immediately went and hunted it online and was able to find it, actually posted it on the Diary of a Stay at Home Mom page on Facebook.   You can watch it here, or by clicking the link above.

While watching the show, one of the clips shows how the Amish wife got up at 4:30am to fix breakfast and lunch for her husband, and after he left for work and she's doing the dishes, the interviewer/show producer/whatever she was, wanted to know why she got up that early to fix coffee and breakfast for her husband if he was perfectly capable of doing it for himself.  Why do that for him, why get up so early, why be submissive.

To be honest with you, it rubbed me the wrong way, because in that moment I saw myself in that Amish woman.  I too get up at 4:30am to fix coffee/breakfast/lunch for my husband, and I too have been constantly asked why do it if he is capable of doing it himself. 

Being a submissive wife is seen in society as being weak, as taking orders from your husband, as spoiling him and doing things that he can do for himself.

So why is it that so many in society confuse Submissive with weak or subservient?

That is not how I see it at all.

Do I do these things because I think my husband can't do them for himself?  ABSOLUTELY not.  He is a military man, he is more than capable of fixing his own coffee and meals and many many more things.  And doing this for him does in no way, shape or form take that away or make him less of a man.

I do it because I respect him.  Because I think that in a small way this shows him how much I love him and respect what he does for us every single day.

Submissive to me, is about being respectful, mutually.

I'm a very independent woman and I'm outspoken, I would never take orders from my husband or be his servant, and he knows this, he treats me as an equal in our marriage.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. - Ephesians 5:22

But what does it mean to submit to our husbands?

It certainly doesn't mean being a door mat, having no opinions of your own or doing every single thing he tells you to do.

I have been called old fashioned.  I have been told that I shouldn't dish food for him first because I'm not his servant, I have been told that I should just stay in bed and sleep in not needing to get up at 4:30am.

Let me set something straight right now.  My husband has never asked me to get up early with him, matter of fact there have been many times where he's told me that I can sleep in, that I don't need to be up so early....but it's MY choice to do so.

Why is it that society so easily forgets that in the Bible, men are directed to esteem their wives and love them as much as they love their own lives?  Nowhere does it say to make their wives their servants.

The time that we spend together each morning is precious and it's one of the reasons why we are as much in love today as we were when we got married almost 14 years ago.

So I will continue to get up early, I will continue to fix his coffee and his breakfast and lunch and dinner, and wash his clothes and take care of the house. 

If people want to think of that as me being old fashioned or a submissive wife, then I guess I am.  It doesn't bother me, I will continue to be the wife that I want to be and think I should be, and I will continue to let my husband know how much I love him.

With that in mind, I'm starting a 30 day feature called 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, it's something that I saw on the Revive Our Hearts website and I think that it will be wonderful to do for my husband.

The first post will go up tomorrow with instructions on what to do.  It's nothing crazy, nothing difficult, and weird, just a lot of praise for different aspects of his life etc.  I'm going to keep track of what happens to my marriage over the next month, and I would love you to join in with me.

I will have a Mr Linky up everyday, you don't have to post about it on your blog, but if you're joining in with the prayer or whatever the task is for that, I would love for you to add your name to the list so that we see just how God is working in our hearts and how many husbands are being lifted up to the Lord.

What do you say?

Sunday thoughts - Pursuit of the Simple Life

 

This journey that I find myself on, is not an easy one.

On the one hand, I do my best to return to simpler times, but on the other hand it's like being up a creek without a paddle.

In this day and age where everything is so dependent on technology, I often think that things have come NOT to simplify our lives, but to make them harder.  To distance people from each other, to create disharmony and heartache.

More often than not, I find that I want to completely remove myself from these things, from this way of life, and to dive even deeper into the simple.  The home, the family concept, the sometimes harder way of doing things but with so many more rewards.

So many times I am asked why.  Why do you want to go back to simple times?

Why would you want to wash dishes by hand instead of having the dishwasher do it? 
Why struggle with hanging clothes on the line when you can just throw them in the dryer?
Why would you want to make your own homemade products when they're in the store available to buy?
Why do you want to cook from scratch when you can just purchase everything ready to make?
Why do you want a homemade dishcloth?
Why make your own candles, or sew a quilt, or crochet a doily?

Why, Why, Why, Why!  Over and over I am asked this question.

In the beginning I felt like I was being attacked, questioned and that I felt I needed to defend myself and my thoughts and actions.  Like I had to explain or try to make people understand why I would rather do these things myself than fall into line with everyone else and go with the flow or the perfect world at your fingertips.

I have been thinking and mentally defining, for many years,  what a simple life means to me.   My goal is voluntary simplicity.

Some stuff has never made me happy.  Ok, I won't lie and say that I don't use modern things, of course I do, but it's never satisfied me completely.  In the moment you think "great, that is so helpful", but then I always found myself feeling unsatisfied, unhappy, low on the happiness meter. 

Less is more.  I know, I know, for some it means getting rid of all those things that we fill our lives with.  Unnecessary things, I believe.

You know what captivates me?  Pictures of simple cottages with a house that is not cluttered with electronics and the latest gadgets.  THAT makes me happy.

I want to be able to look around my home and smile, and I want to be able to look at what surrounds me and know exactly where it came from and how it got here.  The handmade things by me or others, knowing that time and effort and much love went into them.

Living a simple life doesn't mean you have to pack up and move to the middle of nowhere.  Though I would be remiss if I said that is not my dream, to live in the country, to have a garden, to have chickens and a cow for fresh milk and fields to run through.

But for now, it means being happy where I am.  Being content with what I have.

More specifically, feeling like I'm living for God, and for me, and for my family.  That I'm not just looking for the easy way out and for the things that are supposed to make my life easier.

I would rather take more time, do things slowly and really be able to appreciate the time I put into them.

So onwards and forwards.  I'll get there some day, but I'm having a blast right now, learning the skills that pioneer women excelled at.

Bread baking, pie making, candle making, quilt making, braiding a rug, canning and preserving.......making do.

Do you live a simple life?  What does it mean for you?

Sunday thoughts - Blessed Sidekicks

We need each other.

That's the focus of my post today and the focus of my devotional reading this morning.

Scripture says that two are better than one.

But how easy is it really to accept that?  To accept help when we need it?  To admit that you can't do it alone, or that you need a helping hand?

Maybe it's easy for many out there, but I guess for me it's not.  I've never been one to ask for help in anything, I just don't like it.  Don't like feeling like I'm being a burden or that I'm being weak because I can't do it alone.

But I think what the devotional made me do today was realize that people need each other, no matter how much we may insist that we don't.   For me, the biggest hurdle is accepting people unconditionally.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ - Galatians 6:2

Ahhhh yes.

I think it may be why I have very few friends, I've learned along the years that I'm not into backstabbing, lying, pretending, falsehoods.  I am who I am, and some people have a problem with that, they would rather I call them every day, they would rather I visit them or they visit me in my home every day, they would rather I say little and follow along.

All things which go completely against my beliefs.

But in being hard to trust someone, I do realize that sometimes it crosses the line into the not wanting anyone to help me with anything.  Which is fine I guess, for the most part.

Except for when things really go wrong and then I feel stuck, needing help but not wanting to ask for it.

I think it's that nagging thought in the back of my mind that somehow it will label me as a weakling, as a failure, as a person who can't do anything.  So trying to come to terms with that thought  process and realizing that it's ok to reach out without feeling worthless,  is not an easy thing, but again, it's something doable.

I do have some blessed sidekicks.  I have wonderful family members who are always there....and I have women that I have met through blogging but which have become very good friends even though we've never met.

So yes, I think I'm blessed and I think I have what I need, but most importantly, I think it's finally sunk in that next time I am in a bind, I can reach out and ask for a shoulder to cry on, or a helping hand.

Love one another deeply, from the heart - 1 Peter 1:22

What about you, do you have a blessed sidekick always there when you need it?

Do you have a problem asking for help?

Sunday thoughts - The Deadly Joy Busters

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Another great devotional come through my hands the other morning.  It was about the Deadly Joy Busters, places where as Christians we should never even consider parking.

Parking by Life's Defeats

Parking by anger

Parking by Escape

Parking by Discouragement

Parking by Worry

Parking by Guilt

As I looked at the list, I thought, actually, I felt embarrassed because I've been guilty of parking, sometimes for long periods of time, at some or all of those places.

So looking more closely at those Parking Places, I was able to realize that I do to some degree, hold myself back, sabotage my own joy, bring myself down, because I can't seem to let go of something things. 

"Let it go and let God"!

How many times have you heard that saying?  I admit to telling myself and others that many, many, many times.  But it's easier said than done.

Parking by Life's Defeats - Things that have happened in the past that disappointed me, that brought me down.  Why would I want to continue staying in that moment, reliving that?  Move on!

Parking by Anger - Storing anger, holding a grudge, thinking about something someone said a gazillion years ago but that still hurts deep down.  What exactly does this do for me other than hold me down, and eventually boomerang back ten fold?  Time to let it go.

Parking by Escape - Things look tough, so I quit.  I run away, I turn my back, I don't want to deal with it.  I have to learn to keep going, keep pushing forward, not let the thought of a difficult task or issue keep me rooted in fear or even worse, make me a quitter.

Parking by Worry -  Well I have to say that I have not only parked myself in this spot, I have set up shop and I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon.  So the what if's, the what may's, the what will's keep me almost paralyzed at times.  I worry too much, even my husband tells me this.  What sense is there in worrying, in driving yourself insane by the unknown?  Let it go, how will we know what possibilities are around the corner if we don't allow ourselves to think that far or to let whatever may come, just come.

Parking in Guilt - Simply put, let it go.  Stop thinking about what you've done in the past, rather start thinking about what you'll accomplish in the future.  Don't let resentment hold you back, don't tear yourself apart because you feel you are not worth it, or that you should pay and continue suffering for something that you did years and decades ago.  Forgive, put the past behind you.


I never really thought much about these things, or what effect they may be having on my life, on how I perceive things, on how I live.  But when you really break it down and start putting it into perspective, it's almost scary just how much you sabotage your own happiness.  The only person holding YOU back, is none other than yourself.  Scary thought isn't it???

God knows about all my pains, all my worries, all my guilt.  He loves me no matter what.  But here's the thing......unless I confess all of these to Him, I won't be able to move on and to be happy.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?" - Matthew 6:25

Sunday thoughts - Soaring through Struggles

Defying odds, breaking barriers, not being held back. Hanging tough when others are giving up, forging ahead when others are lagging behind, choosing to be cheerful when others are sinking in defeat.

I think I may be a little of both, depending on the situation at hand.  I guess in a way I'm a fence walker, never quite jumping to one side or the other, always walking that tight rope between being what God wants me to be, and being a quitter and a scaredy cat.

Even to your old age and gray hairs

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4

I was reading through my devotionals this morning and this one came up.....Soaring through Struggles.

If that doesn't talk to me right now, I don't know what does.

Struggles aren't defined by their enormity, by their quantity or by how much they make someone suffer.   At least that's not how I measure them, because to me, a struggle is a struggle, whether big or small they are equally important to whoever they are happening to.

Financial, emotional, relationship, spiritual, feeling inadequate, worthless, unwanted, struggling with something at work or even struggling through a project at home.

The eternal God is your refuge,

and underneath are the everlasting arms.

He will drive out your enemies before you,

saying, ‘Destroy them!’

Deuteronomy 33:27

The worst think you can do is surrender.  Give up.  Say "I can't do this, I can't get through it, I will never be able to.......".  Because the truth is, You CAN, You WILL and you ARE able.

For me, I think it's just getting my mind to click with my heart.  I know I can do anything I want, I know I'm strong, I know that God is with me, but getting my attitude to match what I know in my heart is a whole other issue, and I think it's what keeps me from succeeding at times.

I'm making a conscious choice to first, address my current struggles, name them, really put them in my face and stop being in denial.

Then I'm going to access them, how many of them are real struggles out of my control, and how many of them are self imposed?

Pass them on to the Lord, or throw them in the trash.   There is no middle ground for me here, I either take the real struggles and ask for the Lord's help and guidance and let HIM see me through them, or I continue to stumble through it all, hold myself back, continue to tell myself that this is not doable.  Self pity is a pain in the behind isn't it?

So that is what I'm doing today.  Accepting, Assessing, Alleviating.

It's time to wash my hands off the things that have no place in my life.  It's time to let Him do what He is supposed to do.  It's time to throw away the fake impostors of struggles, those things that are not really problems at all but merely little stumbling blocks....mole hills that I have turned into Mount Everest.

What are YOU doing with your struggles today?

Sunday thoughts - Big Kid Now

 Copyright © Gordon L Wolford - To purchase, click here.

I have this fantastic book called "Diapers, Pacifiers and other Holy Things" by Loraine Pintus.

I have had the book for many many years, and I've read it front to back and back to front and sometimes, just open it randomly and quickly peruse the pages and whatever chapter it happened to fall on.

Yesterday, I was tidying up the bedroom and picked up the book and again, randomly opened it, and it fell on the Chapter titled "I'm a big kid now".

This particular chapter in the book starts out by talking about how the author and her daughter Amanda are getting ready for the big day, the first day of Kindergarten, and how usually it tends to be more traumatic for the parents than for the child.

I can attest to this.  When Jasmine started Kindergarten, I felt like for months before the big day, I talked and talked and explained and tried to prepare her *so to speak* for what was coming, but when the day finally arrived I actually felt sick to my stomach.

Here I was, sending my little baby off to school, to the care of a stranger, surrounded by tons of other kids who may have God knows what germs hanging around.

Would she be ok?  
What if she had to go to the bathroom and didn't tell the teacher?
What if she didn't eat her lunch and then she would starve?
What if something went wrong and she started crying and I wasn't there to comfort her?

I felt like I peppered myself with these and many other questions.  All these what if's.

I had Nicholas in the stroller because he was only a year old, and I remember pushing the stroller to the school with a knot in my stomach.  We got there, she lined up, she kept looking at me and I guess I was looking for that one little sign that I could swoop on in and save her, but that didn't come.  She ran up to me once, gave me a very big tight hug and then with a wave over her shoulder, followed the classmates inside.

Kindergarten at the base school we were stationed at, was only for 3 hours.  But it felt like forever.

I walked home crying.  I'm not kidding you, I was bawling all the way home and then counted down every single minute until I could go back and get her.

When they were let out, she ran right up to me, gave me another big hug and I asked her "did you miss mommy?  I missed you so much baby"

And her reply, in her innocence was "No, I didn't.  I put you on the back of my head so I didn't miss you".

Lordy, you may as well have slapped me across the face.  Ha!

The realization that my little baby was growing up, was a tough pill to swallow.

The author of the book talks about how by the time we are eighteen we are considered "grown up", at least physically.  But what about spiritually?

Is there an age or a  mark we can point to that says "I'm a spiritual grown up"?

Spiritual growth closely parallels physical growth.  We begin as babies when we are "born again" and take in "milk", or the basic teachings of God (Heb. 5:12).  After a time, we "leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity" (Heb. 6:11).

If we continue to grow in the Lord, we will one day reach spiritual maturity, which is recognizing that no matter how mature we become, there is always room to grow.

Amen!

Where are you spiritually?  A dependent baby?  A self-absorbed teen?  A maturing young lady?  A Wise woman?

That question stumped me.  I thought I knew it all, where I was, what my place as a Christian is, who I am.  But really, what exactly am I, or rather, at what phase of my development am I in?

I would have to say that I'm a maturing young lady.  I'm not longer a dependent baby, nor am I self-absorbed teen, and I'm certainly nowhere near a wise woman.

Which really leaves me just one, the maturing young lady and I think it does fit where I'm at in my life right now.

So now what?

Well the author encourages you to press on.  She's not talking about memorizing full verses in the Bible or immersing myself into a ton of Church activities.

She's talking about small steps.....a morning prayer, turning to Jesus with a problem, forgive someone, refuse to fall into old habits, persevere through a current trial.  PRESS ON!

And that is what I'm doing.  I think my goal is pretty simple, even though right now it may seem as big as climbing to the top of Mount Everest.

I want to be me, I don't want to change, but I want to love God with all my heart, I want to live for God, I want to do everything that I can for Him and through Him.

It's not easy.  I stumble, I fall, I stomp my feet, some days I'm too tired to pick up the Bible, too tired to go to God with my problems, too tired to even contemplate being a woman of faith.....but those are few and far between, and they're totally acceptable, really.

All I have to remember is to PRESS ON!  That, I can do.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-4

So my question to you this morning, is this.  Where are you spiritually???

Sunday thoughts - Positive thinking

 

Have you ever noticed how negative thinking blows things out of proportion? Problems start to seem larger and much more difficult than they really are.

I've always considered myself a positive person.  When others are freaking out about a certain issue, I'm the one usually sitting back and saying "let it go, calm down, it will be ok".

But it doesn't mean that I don't also have doubts at times, that I don't also succumb to the negative train , the one that seems to gain speed with each passing thought, the one that seems to be never ending and the one that seems to always have the worst outcome, kinda like envisioning a train going at high speed and slamming on the brakes, the cars just piling on to each other.

Graphic thought?  Maybe!

But then again, when you think negatively all you're ever going to get is visions of horrible things happening.

Our enemy bombards our minds with every weapon at his disposal every day of our lives.

As long as we are alive, our minds remain Satan's battlefield.

Not exactly a warm fuzzy feeling is it?

I've been struggling with this for a while.  See, as much as I try to be positive, there still seems to be moments where I let my guard down and allow myself to be overcome with not so nice thoughts.

And it's not easy to stop them because usually it will be our worst fears playing in our minds.  Oh it's never just a small little thing, the enemy has to strike hard, he has to hit where it hurts, he has to bring to the forefront the things that he knows will get to our core.

I'm learning to stop that.  I'm trying really hard to not allow any kind of negativity into my mind or my life, and no it's not easy, matter of fact it's extremely hard because we live in such a negative society.

I can't use excuses to continue thinking and acting a certain way.

My problem is that I'm weak......God says "that is not a problem, I am your strength."

Amen!

You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. - Psalm 91: 5-6

So how do I change how I think?

One of the devotionals that I have on hand is Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind.  What a fantastic treasure this book is.  She will teach you how to change the way you think because believe it or not, our thoughts DO affect the outcome of things around us.

Your attitude determines your actions.  Oh boy, does this ring true.

If there's one thing I've learned from these devotionals is that we can't prevent bad thoughts from popping into our mind but we can remove them.

I still have so much to learn, I have to recognize what is a true thought and what is a negative one, and I need to weed them out.  It hasn't been easy, but I'm working on it.

In closing, I just want to share this video where Joyce speaks about Wrong Thinking.  It's worth a watch :)




Again, I am not sure why I felt compelled to talk about this today, maybe it's a lesson for me, well, actually I'm SURE it's a lesson for me, but maybe there's someone else out there struggling with this very same issue.  I hope this helps in some way :)

Sunday thoughts!

Good morning everyone, I'm up bright and early again.  Come on in and sit with me a little, I have some Chocolate Velvet Coffee that is divine and I don't mind sharing :)

About 5 minutes ago I would have said that it's nice and quiet, but since then, little feet have hit the floor running, pugs have woken up and are walking around looking for a treat, and hubby is up as well checking his facebook.  Quiet no more, but then again, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

So, let's chat.  I've been really good with my Bible Reading everyday and my devotionals, they have certainly given me a lot to think about and some of those thoughts need to be shared.

Do you sometimes feel like you are just a face in a crowd or a number in a system?

One of the devotionals I read is from Joseph Prince.  I love it.  My friend Natalie from school actually told me about him and said that she thought I would really enjoy him, and boy was she right.

One of the very first passages I read was about feeling depersonalized and dehumanized in this day and age.  How we are identified by a social security number, when we see a doctor, when we are called by customer service etc.

It actually made me think of my friend Sarah's post the other day about gender neutralization.  You should go over and read, it's really a great post and makes you think.

But back to the devotional.

I think as a mother I have felt that dehumanization many times and I'm not saying that it's an awful thing, or that it's really how my family sees me, as just a mom, as just a wife, as just the homemaker, the person who cooks and cleans and nurses you when you're sick.  But, even though, it's very easy to feel that you're just invisible and not your own person anymore.

Raise your hand if you've ever felt this way, cause I'm raising mine way way way up there!

The devil relishes in these thoughts and he will fill our heads with constant doubt about who we are and what we are and who loves us.  He will make us think that we don't matter much to anyone, especially to God.

What I do need to remember, actually what we all need to remember, is that God loves us, we matter to Him, He calls us by name.  He knows exactly what we're going through and where we're hurting, He sees us and cares for us.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.  -  John 10:10

Reading these words was an eye opener for me, it's something I desperately needed to hear.  I do hope that if one of you out there reading is feeling the exact same way, that my post today will bring you some peace.

I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the devotionals I'm reading, maybe it will help someone, maybe not, but for whatever reason God has pointed me back in the direction of my blog and I'm going to follow His lead because only good things can come from it right???

So every Sunday, I'll be here, talking, sharing, venting, whatever I feel led to do.  I hope you'll come sit and chat with me so I won't feel so alone :)


On this day:

In 2006:  Uncluttered Faith
In 2007:  There should be a law against waking up early
In 2008:
In 2009:  Summer List
In 2010:  The Hot Mom to be handbook giveaway
In 2011: