Sunday, August 5, 2012

# sunday thoughts

Sunday thoughts - Submissive or Weak?

On Friday night my friend Sarah over at Like Sunshine in the Home, gave me the heads up on a Amish show/documentary that played on BBC2 called Amish: A Secret Life

She knows how much I love Amish anything, so I immediately went and hunted it online and was able to find it, actually posted it on the Diary of a Stay at Home Mom page on Facebook.   You can watch it here, or by clicking the link above.

While watching the show, one of the clips shows how the Amish wife got up at 4:30am to fix breakfast and lunch for her husband, and after he left for work and she's doing the dishes, the interviewer/show producer/whatever she was, wanted to know why she got up that early to fix coffee and breakfast for her husband if he was perfectly capable of doing it for himself.  Why do that for him, why get up so early, why be submissive.

To be honest with you, it rubbed me the wrong way, because in that moment I saw myself in that Amish woman.  I too get up at 4:30am to fix coffee/breakfast/lunch for my husband, and I too have been constantly asked why do it if he is capable of doing it himself. 

Being a submissive wife is seen in society as being weak, as taking orders from your husband, as spoiling him and doing things that he can do for himself.

So why is it that so many in society confuse Submissive with weak or subservient?

That is not how I see it at all.

Do I do these things because I think my husband can't do them for himself?  ABSOLUTELY not.  He is a military man, he is more than capable of fixing his own coffee and meals and many many more things.  And doing this for him does in no way, shape or form take that away or make him less of a man.

I do it because I respect him.  Because I think that in a small way this shows him how much I love him and respect what he does for us every single day.

Submissive to me, is about being respectful, mutually.

I'm a very independent woman and I'm outspoken, I would never take orders from my husband or be his servant, and he knows this, he treats me as an equal in our marriage.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. - Ephesians 5:22

But what does it mean to submit to our husbands?

It certainly doesn't mean being a door mat, having no opinions of your own or doing every single thing he tells you to do.

I have been called old fashioned.  I have been told that I shouldn't dish food for him first because I'm not his servant, I have been told that I should just stay in bed and sleep in not needing to get up at 4:30am.

Let me set something straight right now.  My husband has never asked me to get up early with him, matter of fact there have been many times where he's told me that I can sleep in, that I don't need to be up so early....but it's MY choice to do so.

Why is it that society so easily forgets that in the Bible, men are directed to esteem their wives and love them as much as they love their own lives?  Nowhere does it say to make their wives their servants.

The time that we spend together each morning is precious and it's one of the reasons why we are as much in love today as we were when we got married almost 14 years ago.

So I will continue to get up early, I will continue to fix his coffee and his breakfast and lunch and dinner, and wash his clothes and take care of the house. 

If people want to think of that as me being old fashioned or a submissive wife, then I guess I am.  It doesn't bother me, I will continue to be the wife that I want to be and think I should be, and I will continue to let my husband know how much I love him.

With that in mind, I'm starting a 30 day feature called 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, it's something that I saw on the Revive Our Hearts website and I think that it will be wonderful to do for my husband.

The first post will go up tomorrow with instructions on what to do.  It's nothing crazy, nothing difficult, and weird, just a lot of praise for different aspects of his life etc.  I'm going to keep track of what happens to my marriage over the next month, and I would love you to join in with me.

I will have a Mr Linky up everyday, you don't have to post about it on your blog, but if you're joining in with the prayer or whatever the task is for that, I would love for you to add your name to the list so that we see just how God is working in our hearts and how many husbands are being lifted up to the Lord.

What do you say?


  1. i love your post. it is too bad that our society has gotten so far away from showing love to our husband/wife. this world has gotten so selfish and is teaching our children to be self absorbed. you certainly are a role model for women. thank you.

  2. It's all about love. What you do for your husband, and your children, is to love them in a tangible way. What you do is to simply live out the heart of the Christian message of loving hospitality and servanthood in your home.

    It is easy to say we love someone, it is better to show them. Something to be proud of I think.

    Hugs x

  3. I soooo agree with you! I do the same thing for my husband! I always have. (I hope you didn't take offense when I said go back to bed after he leaves) I too believe it is a respectful thing to do for our men. When I was workin..I did the same thing, breakfast, lunch and supper. I will continue to as long as I'm able. My meals are an expression of my love and appreciation for my husband. I've worked with some women that hate men, some wanna-be-feminist that have tried to put me down for what I do but I learned quickly that they are unhappy people that are usually just jealous of the relationship that I have with my husband.
    Stand tall! You are a voice for many of us!

  4. Very well written! I think it's sad that doing things for our husbands is put down. I think it goes along with the whole trend of demeaning men in general - they are portrayed as incompetent husbands and Dads so often in the media, and when their wives do things to show love, they are portrayed as demanding...
    Thanks for the post.

  5. I say GOOD FOR YOU - and I agree ... :)

  6. Olá sandra,eu tambem me levanto quando o meu marido sai para trabalhar,não é tão cedo mas antes das 7 e não é todos os dias ,porque ele trabalha por turnos.. mas levanto me acho que é porque quero não que ele não saiba fazer.. beijinhos

  7. This post speaks right to the heart of me. Lately, I have been feeling the conviction to be a better wife and submit myself to my husband and to let my actions show honor and respect to him. I agree totally that, that doesn't mean I am his door means that I am his helpmate, an equal partner in love and mutual understanding. I'm definitely interested in learning more about this 30 day challenge that you speak of! Have a great rest of the weekend!

  8. L O V E is the answer. Doing things for our husbands does not mean we are walked on or under his thumb. Anything, no matter how small or grand can be an act of love. I love doing things for my husband. I'm not perfect by any means and I wish to be his helpmeet and friend all the days of my life.

    Great post ~ FlowerLady

  9. Our society no longer values serving others in love for no reason other than... Well, love. To do so is to debase yourself or be weak or old fashioned. The divorce rate is a pretty good indication of the percent of people that put themselves first in all things. So sad. I'm not ashamed to love my husband and do acts of service to show it. Great post Sandra.

  10. I'm not married and probably never will be. But if I were, I would hope that I have the type of relationship that you and your husband have, Sandra. RESPECT is what I see here, as well as love (and from both sides, not just yours to his or his to yours).

  11. AMEN sister!!! Such a great post, thanks for sharing with us. I think my hubby and I both submit to each other out of love so wish more couples could understand to true meaning of marriage, our families need to get back to basics

  12. I guess I am that amish wife too. I rise every morning at 5am to fix my husbands coffee, iron his clothes, pack his work bag and make sure he has everything he needs for work. I am submissive to him in ways but never a door mat. I am very loud and hardheaded. I CHOOSE TO HONOR him this way and showing my love and appreciation for him.
    He shows the same for me because I also do work nightshift so I lay everything out for him to rise in the morning when I am at work. I always call to wake him up, his coffee pot has automatic timer, his work clothes are laided out next to the bed and his bag is packed already.
    I love my husband and proud to be his young precious wife who loves him and God above all.

  13. Great idea....very well said....and all I can say is I'm the same way and Amen! :)

    My favorite paragraph is this post because it sums me up too!

    "If people want to think of that as me being old fashioned or a submissive wife, then I guess I am. It doesn't bother me, I will continue to be the wife that I want to be and think I should be, and I will continue to let my husband know how much I love him."

    Thanks for sharing your heart and what many of us happy submissive wives feel!


  14. fingers get ahead of my brain sometimes....that was supposed to say my favorite paragraph in this post is....



  15. Very good post, Sandra. I love how you defined the difference between being submissive and being a servant. It's all about little things that say "I love you" and it's too bad in today's society we throw the baby out with the bath water in an effort to show our independance and our self-reliance.

  16. I'm happy to have found this! Thank you! Following your blog now.


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