Day 4

::::  Early morning coffee

::::  Miss Lola misses her daddy

::::  Our old lady misses daddy even more.  Curt is always hugging her and holding her so she's really feeling his absence

Pen to paper.......

It's one of those things that is becoming completely lost in the modern world.

We strive to keep up with the times, to make contacting someone an immediate thing, and while that is all great in a way, I think that in our eagerness to do so, we're losing an art that is intimate and so personal.

I haven't written an actual letter, like pen to paper letter, in years.

And I'm not going to completely blame the technology we have today, I mean, I wrote letters back and forth with my grandmothers back in South Africa, but I slacked on the writing too, truth be told.

But there was such a calmness that came with the letter writing.  I was able to put my thoughts to paper, share a story, vent or laugh or ask a question.

I looked forward to receiving the return letter, matter of fact, walking to the mailbox was more exciting than it's been in forever.  Nowadays all I get is junk mail or bills.

Knowing that someone took the time to sit down and write you a note, is a feeling like no other.  It takes a real effort to do it whereas with an email, it's almost impersonal isn't it?

So as my hubby is away, I have decided that I'm going to get back to letter writing.   While the kids sit down to read every day, I will be pulling out my Letter Basket and jotting a note to a family member, or a friend.

It doesn't have to be a super long letter, even just a small note will suffice, and I know they'll appreciate it, especially my grandmas.  Time to sharpen up my Portuguese again and work on my penmanship which has suffered with all this online typing.  Blech!

But I'm excited to get back into writing.  It will be fun filling up my writing basket with pretty paper, envelopes, pretty stamps etc.

I did talk about letter writing back in 2010 when I did my Postcard Exchange.

I think the biggest fear for me, or rather, sadness, is thinking that when my Nicholas and Jasmine are older, they will not have a stack of letters written by a family member or a friend.

How sad is that?

Anyway, I wanted to once again thank you all for listening to me vent, offering wonderful words of advice, and reminding me that I WILL be ok and I WILL make it through.

I'm feeling a lot better today :)









On this day:

In 2006:  Remember When?
In 2007:  Good Morning from Lawton, Oklahoma
In 2008: 
In 2009:  Chiquita Smoothies
In 2010:  Unafraid by Karen Goodman
In 2011:  31 Days of Prayer for my Husband #2

Day 3

I think the strong Sandra has left the building.....

I can't for the life of me understand what the deal is, other than maybe as we get closer to his retirement, which should only be about another 2 years, since he already extended 2 after his 20 years in.....I'm just maybe done with the whole military life?

It's rewarding, it's a great honor, it's something worth doing but after so many years, you tend to start feeling worn out.

I want to be able to be in a house long enough to plant roots, to be able to say that my kids grew up in it, and look there's the markings on the wall from all their height measurements.  Oh and look, that's the little apple tree we planted when they were babies, it's now producing fruit.

I don't think that civilians quite understand how extremely difficult it is to be a military family.

And I'm not saying this because I'm looking for sympathy or anything really, I guess it's just a vent due to the current situation.  Pity party of one, right here.

I'm having an extremely difficult day.  I am literally close to tears and trying to keep myself in check.

Truth is, to be completely honest with you all....I miss him. I miss him with every fiber of my being.

The one good thing about this day and age is that we have Skype, something which we never had back in the day.  It helps, it truly does, but in a way I think it makes it worse because you see their face, you hear their voice and you just want to reach through the screen.

And this is where I get really frustrated with myself.

This isn't my first rodeo folks.  It's not my first deployment, not my first TDY, not my first separation and yet I'm a blubbering fool.

I went grocery shopping with the kids this morning and they started acting out inside the store, fighting with each other, you know, the usual sibling rivalry.  I tried to put an end to it but the more riled up they got the more frustrated I became, to the point where I literally had to pull the shopping cart aside, put my face in my hands and BEG the Lord to please please grab my hand at that moment because I was *thisclose* to just falling apart.

It's been 3 days.  We haven't even made a dent in this TDY, but I'm ready for it to be over.

You're probably thinking I'm such a wuss, heck I think I'm being one too but in the interest of being completely honest with you all and opening my heart, I felt it imperative to lay it all out, not keep anything back.

I'm sure I'll come back and read this post tomorrow morning and laugh at myself, and I'm also sure that in a few days I'll be strong enough to put on my brave face and continue on.

"You can do this Sandra"

"You're strong Sandra"

It's just a matter of reminding myself.

Funny thing though, I opened up my Whispers of Encouragement Devotional just randomly, and the page it fell on says:

Trust God

Take hours, minutes, and moments as they come, one at a time.  Don't run ahead.  Do what you can now....and at the end of the day, let it go.

Put all that is left undone in God's hands.  God is a work in ways you cannot see..  Trust Him.

Sleep....rest....relax in His arms.

Which is exactly what I've been trying to do.

I'm not taking one moment at a time, I'm trying to shove this whole TDY into the now, like trying to pile all the weeks and the feelings into this very moment and it's overwhelming me and it's suffocating me. 

And it's a sure sign that if I don't do exactly what that little note says above, I am going to have a really hard time.

So, I've vented, I'm going to have a good cry and then I'm going to put on my big girl panties and try this again, only this time not alone but in the Lord's hands.

I'm sorry for the long babble, hope I didn't put anyone to sleep, and if you've made it this far, you rock!

Thanks for letting me vent, it really has helped a lot :)







On this day:

In 2006:  Get out of the way
In 2007:  Leaving on a Jet Plane
In 2008:  A little more Kruger Park for you
In 2009:  Happy Homemaker Monday
In 2010:  My blog on TV
In 2011:  31 Days of Prayer for my Husband #1

Everyday Contentment - #2

Take a moment to embrace contentment, to learn to love the everyday things that we tend to overlook or take for granted. 

I'm not referring to big things, or expensive things.

I'm talking about the nitty gritty, those everyday tasks, objects, thoughts that make our lives what they are.

So every Friday I'm going to be talking about my Everyday Contentment.

You are more than welcome to join me, to take a step back and to appreciate the small things.

 

 

Stop laughing!

No really, you can stop laughing now, because I know that you're looking at this picture and thinking that I've lost my mind if I think that Ironing makes me content.  LOL

Truth is, it does.  It really really does.

That photo was taken back in 2006.  I found it while looking through the old blog posts, and I immediately smiled because that joy on my face is still with me today.

You may not consider ironing a happy chore, but for me it's pure contentment. 

I find it relaxing, therapeutic, it allows me to think about my day, to mull over a certain problem I'm having and to just BE in the moment.

So yes, my contentment for today is Ironing, because though it may be frowned upon and looked at as a boring task by some.....for me, it's just another simple homemaking task that I enjoy :)