Saturday, August 15, 2009

It's so hard at times......

Airforce wife Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm a proud Air Force wife, extremely proud of my husband and the rest of the soldiers and for the most part this is a life I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.....except for the little part when you get to say goodbye to your husband as they leave on a deployment or TDY.

Every military wife knows that it doesn't matter whether they're leaving for a day, a week, a month or a year, the pain is the same and the kids don't understand what is happening, and how do you comfort them when you're wanting to cry yourself?

Luckily my husband is only gone for this weekend but the pain is just the same as when he leaves for months on end, because the heart knows no time, the heart only knows what it's missing.

Curt is in Chicago as we speak and he'll be back Monday afternoon, not that long, if only I could convince my heart otherwise.

The fact is that he walks out the door and we're lost, we're incomplete, we're left missing him and hoping that time flies until we see him walk in the door again.

I think for most military wives, the sight of his back turned away from you and walking away is what burns in our minds, you always wish you had hugged him a little tigher, told him you loved him one more time, kissed him that much longer. It's hard.

The nights are the worst, when you get into bed and he's not there.

I'm the kind of woman that can't really sleep or relax without my husband around.....he needs to be there, at least in the house somewhere, even if he's in the next room watching tv, that's when I feel the safest. Needless to say last night was spent tossing and turning, but I did get a very sweet "Good Morning" text at 5am. Had it been anyone else I would have been irritated for it being so early *snicker*

So it's me and the kiddos for now, just going through the motions.

Jasmine misses her daddy but being older she understands a bit more, Nicholas on the other hand is 6 years old, he's still my baby and he still doesn't get what is going on. He went to school crying yesterday and he went to bed miserable again, all he talks about is his daddy and where daddy is and what daddy is doing. But you know what, they're tough little cookies, I think all military children are!

Anyway, I'm sorry for venting, I think I'm going to go blog hopping and visit some of my favorites, I'm falling behind again in my reading AND posting. I've been awful at it lately haven't I?

Well I'm off to go spend some time with my kids. Hope you're having a good weekend and if your hubby is nearby, be sure to give them a big hug and thank the Lord that you can.

25 comments:

Terri said...

I sure am thankful for all you military families. I pray for all the ones that go away on deployment but also for the family left behind. I can only imagine the difficulty for you all. Please tell your husband and all his fellow soldiers that we appreciate and thank them for all that they do for our freedoms! I'm so proud to be an American!!

Tara said...

My heart acks for you. I know that pain well. I do not go thru it anymore since my husband seperated from the Navy. But the pain in the memories is as real as yesterday. I stood on that pier waving watching the ship pulled away. I never want to stand there again.
Yes the military life had it's positives and I do miss them.
Thank you to you and your husband sacrifice for us.

darnold23 said...

Thank you and your husband for the many sacrifices you are making. We really do appreciate you.

Mari said...

I can't imagine how hard it is sending your husband off. I know how hard it is being separated from my son. Give Curt extra hugs when he comes home and thank him for his service!

Jessica said...

Oh I know how your heart must break every time he has to leave. My girlfreinds son is leaving tommorrow. Just turned 18 and is off to boot camp. It breaks my heart to see her pain even though she is as proud as a mother can be, given the crcumstances. This young man is my son's best feind and like a second son to me. They are putting on a strong front, but we mothers know their pain. My son has one more year of high school...I catch a break ...for this year anyway. God Bless you you and keep you and your family. We owe everything we have to you!

...they call me mommy... said...

Awww....I don't understand what it's like...but here is a hug for you! (((HUG)))

Amy

Elenka said...

Is he in combat in Chicago? I could tell you guys haven't been married that long....being you are 35 and all. Wait til you're 60 and then a weekend to yourself is quite nice. Maybe even a week!!
No more than that, tho. Even after 34 years of marriage, I do miss him....but I can manage up to a week very nicely, thank you!! Your day will come.
Now, just to be clear, I'm not talking about when our military men go into harms way. THAT'S a totally different story. Hang in there, Sandra.
Thank you husband for me for his service.

Jen said...

I pray for you and your family each and every day. I can't even begin to imagine life with out my Husband here with me. I pray the weekend goes by quickly for you. Thank you for all you do!!

SUPER MOMMY! said...

Hey Sandra,

It is so hard! Funny, my husband is in Chicago also, for a month- We are on 1.5 weeks and it is so hard being apart! I know how you feel, hope it goes fast. ;)

Charee

Heart2Heart said...

Sandra,

I understand what you are going through. When hubby first started his job, I thought I would be OK with him traveling a bit but little did I know how hard 5 weeks of him being away really is on me.

I understand the night thing. You have to assume all the roles in your home, mommy and daddy for now.

I can tell you this, not that it will get any easier, but it makes you realize just how tough of a mom you can be and how much you can handle being alone.

Reach out to friends right now and see if you can't hang with family if you have them nearby. Keeping you in my prayers right now.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

JAMIE ANN said...

I want to start of by saying that I ready every new blog you post. I have been drawn into your world. I dont completely understand how you feel but, not sure if you read my blog. A young man that has stayed with us and almost lived with us for the last 10 years left monday for Boot Camp. I have pictures on my post on how I felt. It sure was hard. He is like a son to me.
My daughter and Son dont really understand but they know something. :(
My husband was in the Navy, My brother in 82nd and my sister a Marine. I dont know what it is like for a husband to leave but I sure do thank all of them for serving. I do hug my husband and this past year has been a real big learning lesson for both of us. Thank you for your venting becasue it has made me open my eyes a little wider. I will pray for you and a comfort for your family and the sacrafice that you make as a wife and kids and your husband. Thanks again. God Bless YOU ALL!

Conny said...

As a former military wife, I totally understand ... and am sending a cyber hug!! Stay strong & God bless your family.

Elizabeth-Plain and Simple said...

I am also behind on my posting and reading. My thoughts are with you and your children while your husband is away this weekend. I pray he has a safe trip home on Monday. Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

HollyB said...

I am sorry Sandra, I know how you feel, almost. I am not a military wife, but close. My husband is gone away from our family a lot too and everyday, I wonder if he will come home, to us. I know how having a husband in "service" is hard for the families. As I am missing my husband tonight, I will think of you as well. God is good and He will be those embracing arms we long for.

Judy said...

Sending you a BIG hug Sandra...Being a former Army Mom I can understand. We helped our DIL through some tough times on our sons last deployment. It's not easy for the wives and children.
But, we do appreciate what your husband is giving to us...and it's a lot.
Thank him for us.

Amy @ Puppy Tufts said...

{{{Huggs}}} Sandra:

Keeping Curt, your children and you in my thoughts. Thank you for the sacrifices that your family makes. We appreciate it.

Take care.. Amy

Mari said...

Hi Sandra - in response to your comment on my blog - I just changed my look. It was finished Saturday, so you really haven't been negligent!

FlowerLady said...

Bless your heart Sandra as you await the return of your other half.

It is hard being separated, but oh the joy when you are reunited.

Thank you and your husband for what you do for preserving the freedoms in our country.

Hugs ~ FlowerLady

Tina ♥ said...

Oh Sandra....sending you hugs, xxxxx

autumnesf said...

You said it!

When we lived at Offut (where the guys were gone to the desert more than home) I would cringe every time one of the single guys would marry a young girl from the area. They had no idea what they were in for. And even after dating for years...most ended in divorce. They thought they were marrying a partner...not a ghost.

Luckily the short trips no longer throw me as bad....after all the desert trips and getting off the plane to do laundry and get back on again in less than 48 hours, for at least another month...well, the short trips aren't so bad. And the ones where you can actually pick up a phone and talk to them are GREAT! LOL!

everyday mom of one said...

I am not a military wife but live close to a base and have many friends that are and its TOUGH. My man leaves in a bit over a week for a conference and will be gone a whole week, I still dont know how me and my little man are going to cope without him.

The good of it is we will appreciate each other more when I pick him up but I know I will be a mess the whole week he is gone LOL

venus said...

I pray for all the one that go away from deployment but also for the family left behind....i can also imagine the difficulty for you all...
--
Venus
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Kat said...

This is exactly how I feel. My husband left today to finish his tour in Afghanistan. It was hard to say good-bye...again! I was holding back my tears so my kids wouldn't see how my heart was breaking. It is so painful to go back home and know he won't be there. I pray everyday that the Lord keep him safe. I confide in the Lord that He will bring my husband back safe and sound!

South Loop Social Light said...

My husband and I are experiencing our first deployment and it's been extremely hard on me. I know that all of the books the AFB gave us to prepare stress the importance of staying strong for your soldier but it's hard to deny the fact that as the spouse that's here you go through a multitude of feelings. I've been trying to find outlets to reach out to because it feels like nobody really understands what it's like to have a loved one so far away, in a dangerous place, and be unable to have any pattern of communication. I'm glad to have stumbled across your blog post. It really made me feel nice to be able to read someone else's experience.

Anonymous said...

Sandra,
If your husband is active duty- you really should buck up and not complain about a weekend. I am a Navy wife whose husband has logged over 3.5 years of last 6 gone on the sea or sand. (my husband is in his 25th year of service)If you were really experienced in dealing with deployments and this lifestyle, you wouldn't be so melodramatic about a flipping weekend-in the US, no less, so I'll cut you some slack here. If you are going to be a proud military spouse, and live a quality life you have to develop some skill set that helps you deal with unpredictable absence. You aren't helping those children being so dramatic about a weekend-I hope you aren't moping around them. The more confidence you express at being able to function the same when you're by yourself, the happier you- and your kids- will be. Help them to be proud of their dad and proud of their role. Kids are resilient-my son is 6- his dad has been gone more of his life than he's been home- but he is happy and well adjusted and rarely cries or breaks down, he's confident that he's loved and he knows I will handle it when daddy isn't here-kids get their engergy from what you're projecting. It's ok to have bad days- but don't be a pity seeker unless the hubs is gone 6-18+ months at a time- during those times, you are allowed to be crazy :) we all are!