The Pink Elephant in the Room......3:59 PM
OR the post where I complain about my weight and the fact that I'm reaching the point where I am starting to feel better with myself and not worry so much about what I weigh.
Do you want to join the discussion or should we get rid of the elephant and move on to happier subjects?
I mean, we could, but I think it's something all women struggle with in some capacity and I for one blame society for this image that we need to be a certain size and look a certain way, if we don't fit the bill, then there's something wrong with us.
Before I got married I weighed 115 lbs, too thin I may add, but now a marriage, 2 children, dogs and deployments and moves and whatnot later......I'm at 140 lbs. I'm not scared or ashamed to say it, it's part of who I am.
Boy have I struggled with this issue for years, to the point where I started hating meal times because every single bite that went into my mouth made me cringe, made me start calculating the calories and pounds and if it would stick to my thighs or migrate to my behind. It became painful for me, it became almost like a prison, I couldn't enjoy food anymore and for someone who loves cooking and loves food, it's a sad way to be.
As the years have gone by, I've tried diets, I've tried exercising and I've tried to watch what I eat but that is all short term and temporary because once the weight dropped, it came back just as fast and brought some friends along.
So as I sat at the kitchen table yesterday eating dinner and clearly still hungry after my little portion, I eyed the remaining food and cursed myself for wanting to eat more and then it hit me....WHY?!?!?!
Why do I need to go hungry just because I think that I need to loose weight?
My husband is happy with the way I look, so are my kids, so why does it bother me that much?
And right then and there I made a decision, I made the choice to go in for seconds and to actually enjoy the food, to savor it, not just chew it fast and will the metabolism to start working right away.
This doesn't mean that I am going to overdo it or that I'm going to pig out, no, for me, it means that I will still try to eat healthy but I will no longer think of mealtimes as a horrible ordeal. I will sit down at the kitchen table and I will eat and not once think about how much, or how many calories or weight that bite is.
It was a wake up call for me when my 10 year old daughter turned to me the other day and said "I need to loose weight". This from a tiny little girl who weighs less than her 6 year old brother and when I asked her why in the world she would say that, her reply was that because the girls on tv always talk about being thin and she wants to be like them.
But it also hit me, it made me start thinking about what she may be watching me do or say, what will she remember years from now? Her memories of dinner time would probably be mommy eating a tiny portion of dinner and complaining the whole time that she needed to loose weight. Nope, I'm done doing that to myself and to my daughter.
Please don't think I'm saying this is how it should be for everyone, but if you've known me for a while and have been one of my long time readers, you know that I'm very honest and very open when I blog and I'm not scared to talk about things that others may not.
I have to say that just that little shift in my mind yesterday has made today seem brighter, I sat down for breakfast and drank my coffee, ate my bagel and smiled, feeling relieved and refreshed and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...how ironic is that?
If any of you have struggled with weight too or want to add anything to what I've said, feel free to do so. :)