Guilty as Charged!!!

The first post that I read this morning, was Barb's contribution over at "Faith Lifts". Barb is an amazing lady and she inspires me in so many ways, but one thing I've always looked up to, is her faith. It was surprising to me to read how her faith has been shaken the past week due to something her and her husband are dealing with.

It shouldn't have come as a shock, I'm guilty as charged of doing the same thing, and mind you, not just once, but time and time again.

I love the Lord and I'm pretty strong in my faith. I know He's there, I know where my blessings come from, but yet from time to time, when life is going great and everything seems to be running smoothly, I tend to overlook Him. I become complacent, I push Him aside with excuses of not having time, or being too busy. I forget to thank Him daily for the blessings in my life and ashamed as I am to admit, days will go by when I don't speak to Him.

Usually that's when He will decide to send me a wake up call. Something that will phase me, now mind you, it can't be something little, because I'm so caught up in my perfect little life, that I don't see it.

For me there have been a couple of times, and one would think that by now I would have learnt my lesson, but I'm only human and in His eyes, I'm only a child, I'm going to make mistakes over and over and act without thinking from time to time.

One of the biggest wake up calls for me, was about 2 years ago. Again, life was great, my husband had just sewn on his Staff Sergeant stripe, which meant almost $500 extra a month. We were happy, after the two miscarriages, I had just had Nicholas, he was 6 months old, we had extra money, we were all healthy and life was good.

That is until one morning. Hubby was working midshift, which was from 11pm to 7am. He would come home, go upstairs and kiss me goodmorning, before heading to bed himself. I was laying there and heard him come in, he walked up to bed, sat down and said "I almost died tonight". I jumped up and said "WHAT?!?!? What do you mean?".

Seems that one of the airman he was supervising that night, decided to mess around and fill some plastic bottles with liquid oxygen. A big NO NO!!! When my husband went to dispose of these bottles, one of them exploded in his hands. The impact was so big that it shook the hangar doors and the bottle was impaled on a tree a couple of feet away. But my husband walked away with not a single scratch, just deaf for a few days.

That wasn't the only thing, they had just gotten a new commander the day before, and he had expressed the need to "make an example" out of the next person that messed up. Because my husband was the supervisor when this happened, both he and the airman lost a stripe. The promotion that he had worked so hard on getting and studying for, was removed and so was the money.

I remember the day he went in to talk to his commander, to find out his punishment. I stayed home and prayed so hard, I literally begged God to please, please not let him loose his stripe, anything but that. The minute my husband walked through the door, I knew THAT was exactly what had happened.

I was angry, at him, at God and at everything. I felt betrayed, I remember thinking "Why??? would would you say you love me and then let something like this happen? Didn't I beg you hard enough, didn't you hear me pleading with you?".
The reality of what had just happened hit me like a bomb. We had the same bills, but less money every payday, the people my husband had been supervising were now HIS superiors and he was given 6 months to retest for his stripe and if he didn't make it, he was OUT. His whole career thrown out the window because of a stupid mistake someone else made under his watch.

Now became my fight, my fight for sanity and my fight to remain faithful to God. My hardest struggle??? Keeping my husband sane and from turning away from the Father. There were days that I cried myself to sleep, it was hard, it was the hardest time I've ever gone through. Our paychecks were around $400, and now I had to juggle, pay bills and buy groceries. If I paid the bills we wouldn't eat, and if we ate, the bills would suffer.

But in that minute that I found out about his punishment, it was a HUGE wake up call. I yelled and God was there, I complained and whined and God was there, I cried my eyes out and God was there. Then I felt ashamed and regretful for needing something so big to make me remember Him again. I got down on my knees and sat at His feet every night, I told Him how hard things were and how tired I was of trying to make ends meet.

It wasn't easy, it took 6 months of hardship, but one thing that never shook was my faith in Him....not after that first day.

I think I learnt my lesson, do I believe that I'll be complacent again in the future? Oh it's a sure bet.
Do I believe that He will have to use something big again? Probably, but I've grown so much closer to Him the past year that I doubt it will take something as big.

But for today, I'm thanking Him, for everything. For all the good and for all the bad, because if it wasn't for all the struggles I've been through, I wouldn't be the woman that I am today, I've seen the ugly side and I'm still seeing the wonderful and beautiful side of being with God, and I'm going to try my hardest to NEVER let anything come between us again.

Wordless Wednesday!!!

For more Wordless Wednesday, go on over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Morning Everyone :)

It's been a crazy morning. I thought I had it all under control, I was on a schedule, the kids were getting up with plenty of time to get ready for school and we still made it there about 10 minutes before the bell rang.

What happened this morning??? I couldn't fall asleep last night, it was about 2 am when I finally drifted off to sleep, then the alarm started yelling at me at 5:45am.
I am exhausted, I pretty much dragged myself around, trying to get ready....the kids didn't want to get up either, which meant everyone was being slow, and by the time we walked out the door it was 8:10am.

The first bell rings at 8:20am so we got halfway and heard it ringing.

Me - Run, Run, Run, just take the backpack and go as fast as you can Jasmine.
Jasmine - I don't feel like it, I'm tired, I don't want to run and my backpack is too heavy.
Me - WHAT?!?!? Just go, you're going to be late, look the kids have gone in already....
Jasmine - I said, I'm not going to run, the tardy bell doesn't ring until 8:30am. (Gives me the look)
*Nicholas stops in the middle of the field and refuses to budge*
Nicholas - I'm not going anymore, I want to go back to your home and play my Dora game
Me - *Eye Twitching* Are you KIDDING me?!?!? What is wrong with you both this morning, you're not cooperating at all.
Jasmine - Oh we're just kids!!!!

And there you have it, truer words have never been spoken. WE'RE JUST KIDS!!!
See how wonderful my morning was??? But in the middle of all this chaos, I was stressed beyond belief, exhausted and out of patience, begging God to help me get through it, and then I look outside the window and see this:

Isn't that a beautiful sunrise??? The pictures don't do it justice because it was this bright red which turned the whole sky that beautiful pinkish color. It just reminds me that He is still there and that I'll make it through this day, albeit holding on tight to His hands.

With school now going into it's second week, things are finally starting to settle into the school year routine. It's always hectic the first few days, it's like re-learning how to ride a bike, you sort of forget about it, but once you get back on that bike, it all comes flooding back. Except for me, in the case of a real bike, for some reason the older I get the more scared I am of riding it. How sad is that??? Seriously, hubby asked me to get on my bike, I did and then peddled a few steps and then all of a sudden I had this image of me just plopping to the side. I literally starting yelling "oh no, oh no, how do I stop it without falling over?".

Let's just say, the look on hubby's face was priceless. LOL

So I'm spending the day doing laundry, I'm tackling it all, I would have used it as my "Tackle it Tuesday" post, but it wouldn't be fair, I've used it before. I really couldn't come up with another project, so I guess I'm not playing along this week. But by all means, go on over to Janice and Susan's "5 Minutes for Mom" and check out what others are tackling all over blogland.

BTW, I'm still not able to post in some of your blogs, Barb, Annie, Rena, Lady Laurie and a few others. Turns out that you have your blogs set to not accept anonymous comments, hence my poor fate....I can't post using my blogger account until Beta has sorted itself all out, and I can't post anonymously either, so I'm faced with a dilema....I read your blogs, and want to post a comment and can't, no way around it. So if I used to comment everyday on some blogs, and now I don't, it's not because I'm not reading it, it's because I'm prohibited from doing so, by the Beta Blogger Fairy.....nasty nasty fairy she is!!!

While I was over at 5 Minutes for Mom this morning, I saw a post that really excited me. Heather at My Midlife Moments has teamed up with Janice and Susan to create a new group blog called "Faith Lifts." This is a quote from Heather:

There are many great bible study themed blogs out there, and it is not our desire to replace or over shadow any of them- We firmly believe that Christ is working mightly in the blogging world, and is using all of us! Faith Lifts, however, does want to be a bit different than the rest. Every day we all face struggles, disapointment and hardships. We sometimes feel as if we are traveling this journey alone, but that is where we at Faith Lifts want to help. We want to share His love and grace with you on the days when you need it the most. We also want to be able to just sit back and giggle like old friends from time to time!

Now while I wish I could be a contributor, I just don't have the time for it with the little ones, but I'm definitely going to be visiting the blog every day. I think we could all use some Faith Lifting, we all have our struggles and Heather says it best "We sometimes feel as if we are traveling this journey alone". Boy have I felt that way, numerous times.

The topic being discussed this month is faith. Go on over and read Heather's entry, reflect on your own faith, where you're at in your life, what can you do to change it, and let the stories you read give you the courage you need to get through that hard time.
I know that for me, this couldn't have come at a better time. I've added the Button on my sidebar, there to the left, if you want to help spread the word, just go HERE, pick the button you want and proudly show it off on your blog.




Last night I tried a new recipe for Round Steak Stroganoff. It was DELICIOUS and one that hubby and the kids have asked me to make again soon. It's right up there with my Smothered Steak Recipe which was a huge hit at dinner. If you want to take a look remember to check my food blog "Full Bellies, Happy Kids".

I decided that from now on, I'll end all my posts the same way. I will tell you what's cooking at home, what I'm doing that day, what I'm watching or reading, projects etc.

I guess all in an attempt to make you see exactly what my days are like. This is the first time I'm doing it, that's why I'm babbling about it, but from now on it will just be a normal feature.



I have a chicken in the slow cooker, roasting and permeating the air with a wonderful aroma. I also have carrots and potatoes ready to add to it in a few hours. There's a yummy salad to go with it, and for dessert, Fresh Fruit Salad.




ABC - General Hospital
Fox Channel - House (New Season)
Discovery Channel - Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe




Laundry
Ironing
Sewing
Baking for Jasmine's Class tomorrow

TREASURE TUESDAY!!!

Oh how I love Tuesdays and being able to share my treasures with you. I never really thought about all the things I have that bring a special memory, until Faith started the "Treasure Tuesday" feature. I'm so glad she did though!!!

The treasure I have to share with you all today, is actually a book. Yes a lot of us love books and have tons of them and for the most part we consider them treasures, but this book helped me through a really tough time in my life.

It was June 2001 and I had just been told by the doctors that I was having a second miscarriage. I remember sitting there looking at the little screen, while the doctors pointed out that the sac was drooped on one side and that there was no viable pregnancy. I was 8 and a half weeks pregnant and it hit me like a bomb.

How could this happen??? Just two months before I had my first miscarriage, and now it was happening again. I had so many questions, and other than the doctors with their medical explanations, no one seemed to understand what I was going through.

After a week or two, I got a phone call from the doctor. They wanted me to come in for a D&C, I was terrified but I went and got it done. Another week or two and I got another call, the cells that were removed during the D&C were NOT from the baby, so it might be a tubal pregnancy. I was now told to go in for an ultrasound to try to find the baby, I remember trying to joke with the technician and asking him if I had an 8 week old baby just floating around in there, since they were having such a hard time finding it. Nothing....no baby!!! Next step, Methotraxate, a dose of chemotherapy.

After going through all the medical procedures, I felt numb and alone. This is where my treasure comes in.....I was sitting at the computer and clicked on something, not even sure anymore, and up came this book called I'll Hold you in Heaven. I read the book that first day I got it and pretty much kept it with me constantly. It was the ONE thing that got me through the really bad times and the questions which no one seemed to be able to answer.

It not only gave me the answers to some questions I had, but it followed it up with scriptures, which brought me so much comfort. To this day, when I have my bad days (because I still do from time to time), I look to this book to help me get through them...it's never failed me!!!

And there you have it, my treasure for this tuesday. Are you sharing one of your treasures too??? If so, then head on over to Faith at Faithful Mommy and play along by adding your name to the list.

Tagged Tagged Tagged.....

Barb at A New Chelsea Morning, tagged me for this questionnaire, she wants to know what products I use, and because she's such a sweet lady, I'm going to happily oblige. So here it goes, but hey don't start ducking away for fear of being tagged, yeah you in the back there, sit up.....LOL


1. If you make sweet tea, or your favorite style, do you use Luzianne, Lipton or something else?

I'm not a sweet tea drinker, sorry to admit, that's my hubby's department. That man guzzles down gallon after gallon of sweet tea. Since there is no Luzianne around our area, it's Lipton or Bust.


2. What brand of toilet paper do you buy and is it the larger rolls or regular?

Charmin Plus Giant Rolls, Aloe Vera or the Wildflowers. What can I say, I like the smell of the wildflowers toilet paper, you'll usually find me sniffing the empty paper roll. (Too much info? sorry lol)


3. Which brand of bath soap do you use? Body wash or bar?

For me, Suave Moisturizing Body wash with Moisture Beads, Lavender scent. For the hubby, Old Spice Bodywash.

4. What cereal do you buy for yourself?

I don't, I really don't eat cereal, but on the occasional craving, I grab Honey Nut Cheerios.

5. What brand of dishwasher detergent do you use? Liquid or tablets?

Whatever is on sale, and yet I'm still amazed at why I sometimes get water spots on my dishes LOL Seriously though, whatever is on sale, I can't bear to pay ludicrous amounts of money for dishwashing detergent.

6. What's your favorite fruit?

Strawberries, oh and kiwi, guess that makes it fruits, instead of just one.

7. Which brand of laundry detergent do you use?

Well I have two I like but usually it's Gain Touch of Softeness Cotton Fresh, and I use Simple Pleasures Softener AND the matching dryer sheets. Lavender and Vanilla scent....oh boy, it's yummy!!!

8. Do you like chocolate?

What kind of a question is that? I LOVE chocolate LOL

9. Are you right or left-handed?

I'm right, right???

10. Do you still write checks or use a debit card?

I use a debit card whenever possible, or actually cash which keeps me from overspending. I seldom write checks for anything anymore, unless it's a really tight payday, then I have to write a check two days before and pray and hope to God it doesn't go through until payday.

Ok now, I'm going to tag someone, I really wasn't but I saw some of you trying to flee the scene and ducking away, that just means you WANT to get tagged right?

Because I usually tag the same people, I'm going to shake things up a bit. So I tag Annie, Addie, (see a pattern? lol j/k) Michelle-Ozark Crafter, Cyd and Domestic Goddess. I'm setting the clock and you have 10 minutes, GO!!! Nah, I'm just kidding, take all the time in the world :)