Maybe it's due to this time of the year. Watching the trees drop their leaves to the ground, as if shedding the past and getting ready for the future. I sort of feel the same way, like I need to let go of some things and start new.
I have never made it a secret that there are things in my life I am not happy about, or rather, one big thing, which is where we're at. I'm not a fan of Arizona, I didn't want to come here, I still can't stand it, and everyday I have to force myself to look it at through different eyes, to try and appreciate what I see, what is around me. To remind myself that I may not be where I want to, but I am with WHO I love and that has to count for something, it COUNTS for something.
But letting go and letting God is one of those phrases that I tell myself constantly. And it doesn't just relate to this particular issue, but to everything I do in my life.
Some people make it seem so easy, and I envy their faith, their way to be able to really take that phrase to heart and do what it says without looking back, without question, without doubt.
And then there's me. Letting go is hard. It is SO very hard. It goes against every fiber of my being.
It's that nagging little thought in the back of your mind, that little doubt that creeps up and stops you in your tracks, every.single.time you make progress towards being free of worry.
Your mind really can become your worst enemy.
You know, I had to stop and tell myself that it's ok to just stumble along, it's ok to feel overwhelmed and helpless and like I'm not in control, and that if I let go the world will not cease to exist in that very moment.
I think deep down I am slowly realizing that the biggest issue of letting go, is that I will have to completely let go of the need to be right. Of the need to feel that only I can fix things and only I can do what is best for me. Because really, who else but myself would have MY best interests in mind?
So I'm learning, I'm plodding through and I'm trying my best to be content with everything in my life, including and more importantly, being in the moment of where I am in this point in time.
I am just like everyone else when it comes down to it. Living life, trying to do my best, failing miserably at times but always pushing myself to continue and not be consumed by the negative feelings that sometimes threaten to take over. I'm not perfect....I don't want to be perfect, I just want to be me.
8 comments:
AMEN!!!! I too struggle with letting go too often. Why is it we women think we should do it all, all of the time??
We all struggle! I have moved many times with the military. I have hated many places that I have lived while I was living there. When I left, I had many fond memories and friendships to reflect on. I am currently living in West Virginia due to a military relocation. I never thought I would live in West Virginia. One thing is that I can make the best of it or the worst of it. I choose to take every move in and learn what I can about that place. Even the next town over may be a getaway. I learned that while living in Germany. I also have the same thoughts during a military deployment. I can be happy or I can be sad. I choose happy. It changes the whole perspective. I know it sounds so basics and childish, but positive thinking really works! You will get there. Soon you will retire, as I will too. We will have many wonderful and not so wonderful memories. But, all in all I feel we will reflect and will cherish our military lives and all that it has given us.
Beautiful post Sandra and I can so relate. We don't like where we live, oh we love the countryside which is right on our doorstep, but we have had some major neighbourhood issues.
Amidst all this though God has brought us through. It's given us some life lessons (many of which I am still learning), like learning to be content whatever the circumstances and making a happy, safe, cosy home even when really you'd rather live anywhere but here.
Huge hugs Sandra xx
Thanks for this post. It's so honest, but honesty with ourself is the first place to begin to get anywhere. I am brand new to the world of blogging, but have just started following you and I LOVE LOVE LOVE all your posts! It's amazing to read all about someone on the other side of the world who has such similar interests. Thank you!
Great post Sandra. Letting go is sure hard to do.
Being content in all things is a goal in my life, each and every day.
Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady Lorraine
I'm so much like this too ... OR I let things go ... but then I take them back again. There is a hymn I love that says, "Take your burdens to the Lord AND LEAVE THEM THERE."! I need to remember that more often.
You know, I did fine with the whole letting go and letting God the first 9 months with no employment. Now it just sounds like a bunch of crap. Just sayin.
Wow! I needed this, tonight! Am dealing very much with a back-and-forth willingness to move to a new place and desiring to stay right where we are . . . all the while, wondering which way the Lord is going to lead us . . . Thank you so much for posting!
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