He answered their prayers, because they trusted in Him.
-1 Chronicles 5:20-
It's been a hard day for me.
My husband and I were woken out of our slumber just shy of 4:30 am this morning, by Lola twitching in her sleep. The pugs sleep with us and her favorite spot is right between hubby's legs, and on her back. She has always snored like crazy, and being the pug that she is, breathing issues are a common problem amongst the breed.
It didn't take us but a second or two to realize that the twitching was more serious than we thought. She was on her back, stiff, front and back legs kicking, her little tongue hanging out a little and it was purple....and there was some foam in her mouth.
It scared us half to death. It didn't last long at all, only a few seconds but it was the worst few seconds of our lives.
To say that this little pug is well loved is an understatement, she is more like our little baby, mine especially, and having lost a pug before, as my husband picked her up and held her in his arms, I felt the walls around me disappear and I was back to being a teenager, in my kitchen, watching my dog take his last few breaths.
I froze. I just froze.
She quickly came out of it and was back to her normal usual naughty, loving, happy, hyper pug within 5 minutes. She's been fine all day, hasn't shown any signs of being unwell, but this mama is walking on egg shells.
I can't concentrate on anything, I find myself constantly looking at her scared that she will have another seizure.
I've often heard non pet lovers say "it's best to not even get a dog, you grow attached to them and they get sick or die and you grieve".
Truthfully, yes, it would be much easier to never love a pet, to never allow yourself that vulnerability, but is that really living??? Do we stop having children for fear of them getting hurt? Do we not allow ourselves to love or be loved just in case something happens???
I think not. Personally, I am thankful for these wonderful pets in our lives, no matter what.
Yes I could do without the frights, without the heart stopping fear of watching them hurt in any way, but then I would not be able to say that I've been loved unconditionally by a wonderful little being.
So as hard as it is for me, and trust me, I'm struggling to hold onto that word I chose for this year "Believe". I want to......
- Believe this was a one time occurrence
- Believe that she is fine
- Believe that it's nothing serious
- Believe that whatever it is, we will deal with it
Oh so easy to want to do it, but a totally different thing to actually try it.
I'm determined to push through, to do my part down here while the Lord does His part up there. So made a call to her vet and have an appointment on Friday afternoon, just to do a check up, see how she is and try to determine if it was indeed a seizure and if so what kind, if there will be the need for medication etc.
All the while this phrase screams inside me "This is not what we planned...we are moving in a few months, we have to save money, we can't afford vet visits or tests, we don't need this worry".
What a senseless little child of God I am. It's not what I WANT, it's never what I WANT. When will I learn that?
Learning to see every phase of our life as an assignment from God for that time period and glorifying Him in everything you do.
Please let that sink into my brain. I don't know why this happened, and quite honestly I don't think I need to know, it won't change anything. My job is to love this dog, to thank the Lord that I have her, and to face any challenge that may come my way as best as I can.
But I'll start tomorrow, because today, I'm drained, been relying on coffee and prayer to keep me from falling asleep.
I did manage to make 4 loaves of Buttermilk Bread and now I have to get into the kitchen to work on dinner, thinking meatballs and spaghetti, something hearty and comforting.