{ Congratulations, you are now an American Citizen }

Those words, oh my goodness, those words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today, Thursday, September 16, 2021, I officially became an American Citizen, after taking my Oath of Allegiance.

I think for so many that are born in this country, and privileged to be born here, they don't understand the magnitude of becoming a citizen to the most powerful nation in the world.  You are born here, and that's that.

But take if from someone who was born elsewhere, and lived in multiple countries before making America my home, I only wish you understood the blessing that it is, to be called American.  

I pray you never have to live in a communist country. I pray you never have to live in a country where there is no freedom of speech, where you can't say what you think, can't express how you feel, and don't have the freedoms that are taken for granted on a daily basis.  I have, and I came to the United States for a better life.

 

See, when you have never had to live differently, never been on the other side looking in and hoping and wishing and dreaming of becoming an American, you will never understand. 

 

For me, this means everything. This means respecting this beautiful flag, pledging to protect it from all enemies foreign and domestic, and if ever need be, taking up arms.

 

I don't make those promises lightly and neither did the other 28 people who became citizens along with me. We took the Oath, we cried, we congratulated each other and walked out with the biggest smiles on our faces, our throats choked by tears. 

 

We held onto the envelopes handed to us, containing a flag, a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, a form to register to vote and a form to apply for an American passport.

 

We clutched those belongings, as if they were made of gold, because to us, they are just as valuable, and actually even more so. 

 

After 23 years I can finally say that I am a PROUD American Citizen, and you better believe that I will love this flag with all my heart, as I have been for so long.

 

For some it's become just a piece of cloth with no meaning.  For me?    It is EVERYTHING, it is freedom, it is a better life, it is opportunity, it is my home, and above all, it is God's nation.

 

So thank you Lord, thank you for this blessing, I am beyond grateful and ecstatic to be able to say that I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!!!

{ When is the last time you relaxed? }

 

This may sound like the strangest question, but stop for a moment and really think back to the last time you stopped and relaxed?

You'll probably say "Oh just this morning, I sat down for 5 minutes."

Ok, but did you actually relax?  And I mean relax in the sense of, leaning back, closing your eyes, dropping your shoulders and taking a deep breath.

I have noticed that the past 3 months, through this difficult season we've been in, my neck and shoulders have been so sore.  I kept thinking, I may have tweaked them somehow, but I can't think of anything I did that would cause this tightness and soreness.

Then it struck me.  I sat down, dropped my shoulders and my neck, and really relaxed.  I had no idea that I had been walking around stiff necked, tightened with all the stress I've been under.

The situations we are facing are still here, but I made the decision a few days ago, that I will not allow them to continue influencing my well being, and my joy.  In case you didn't know, joy is not a feeling, it is a choice.  I know, I know, I lived my whole life thinking it was a feeling only to realize it was a choice that I could make every morning.  How liberating when you actually take that step and choose joy.

No, it doesn't take away the problem, and sometimes it doesn't completely take away the worry either, but it does change your attitude and allows you to enjoy your days, instead of living under a constant dark cloud.

I didn't realize just how much stress I was carrying on my shoulders, until I sat down to work on my new meal plan.  I leaned my head back on the couch, closed my eyes and let my arms drop at my side.

It felt like 100 pounds lifted off my chest and shoulders.

In that instant I choice joy.  I said to myself "Right, enough of letting the giants around me pull me down, make me sad, take my joy.  It's up to me."

And so I did, I chose joy.  I got up,  I cleaned, I rearranged, I laughed, I played with Marley, I watched a favorite show and I fixed a yummy meal for my family.  It felt so good to be back to myself.  

We can embrace the goodness in our days, or we can let the worries take us over.  I was choosing to let the darkness guide my every step, and oh my goodness, it was dark.  I feel so much better just being myself, working around the house, cooking and baking and moving through my days with a smile on my face.

Thank you all so much for the sweetest comments you've been leaving.  I know your prayers are working and helping me shift from this dark place I was in.  Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I know I haven't been posting much, things are difficult as you know.

Today I went with my sister in law to a chemo class, where they explained her treatments, side effects, what kind of breast cancer she is dealing with and all that stuff.

It was an overload of information, we asked questions, as many as we could think to ask at the time.  Then we walked out, looked at each other and literally said "What the hell?".

See we are at that point right now, where we are still all so confused to what is going on.  We talked in the car about how we never in our minds, thought that we would be here one day, going to a chemo class and facing such a huge battle ahead.

My sister in law and I have known each other, and been friends since 1988.  33 years.  

There's a lot of history, we went through a lot together, grew up, spent weekends as teenagers watching movies and laughing until the sun came up.  Watched each other get married, have children, become adults and make huge moves across countries.

And now this.  The one thing that never crossed our minds.

But we face it with laughter until our sides hurt.  We keep saying, we laugh so we don't cry.  

As we sat and listened to all the side effects that she is possible facing, losing her hair, her eyebrows and her eyelashes, we sat stunned not knowing what to even think.  See for us, we look at each other the same way we did when we were 15 years old.  

 

We don't think that we are 47 and 46, we still feel young.....well, for the most part, honestly our bodies let us know daily that we are no longer teenagers.  

 

But, the way we are going to get through this, is with laughter, and that same young spirit we have always had.  It's going to be tough, but we will get through it as a family.  

So whatever you're facing, whatever seems impossible to you at the moment, just remember to sit down, tilt your head back, close your eyes, drop your arms at your side and release that tension and stress.  Then get up, put a smile on your face, choose joy and face that giant.

{ I really and I mean really, don't like driving }

 

Honestly, the more I drive, the less I like it.  The drivers in our city are by far, some of the worst I've ever come across.  I have never seen such reckless driving, and it's no wonder the highways are littered with police cars and people pulled over.

If I could avoid driving, I surely would.

I don't know about you all, but it's nerve wrecking for me.

I apologize for the lack of photos on this post, but I haven't had the chance to take many, I find that lately I'm getting on with my days and by the time I realize that I didn't take a single photo, it's far too late as I'm literally climbing into bed.

Monday and Tuesday

Every day I have the best of intentions to come in here and write some things down.  I envision sitting on the couch with my laptop and just allowing my thoughts and feelings to transpire through my fingertips, but dawn turns into dusk and those intentions are left behind, much like some of the tasks and chores not done that day.

It's been a beautiful glorious past week.  I've grown a renewed love for the life I'm living, and I find that I am enjoying the sunrises and the sunsets more.   I stare out of my windows throughout the day, completely in awe of the colors splayed across the sky.

Rain, sunshine, early morning, late night, it doesn't make a difference as I tend to find something beautiful about every single one of those moments.  See the trick is to stop, enjoy it and not allow anything else to cloud that moment, just let it be, let it swirl around in your thoughts and bring forth whatever feelings there may be.  Contentment, in it's purest clearest form!!!!

I've been busy the past 2 days, pottering, faffing, doing this and that, and letting life go by at whatever speed it chooses, which lately seems to be turbo infused.  I could sit and be frustrated as I so often was before, but I have taken to seeing it differently.  It just means that I need to make those times more productive, enjoy every single minute of every day and get as much in as I can.

Fresh lettuce in all it's beautiful vibrant green.  It's some of the best lettuce I've ever eaten too



A little afternoon pick me up when the exhaustion kicks in and you find yourself nodding off to sleep around 2:30pm



While the world seemed to come to a full halt to view the eclipse, some kept on with their tasks at hand.  When you live in the country and mowing needs done, you don't have time for interruptions, even if they come in the form of a solar eclipse





I finished my chores and sat down for a bit of crochet.  This is the Mandala 21 from John Kelly which you can find over on Ravelry.



Sometimes you need a bit of an easy, mindless, quick to make project to get you out of the irritation that is the big blanket looming in the basket.  My Mandala Madness is a work of love, and frustration, and everything in between.  After a quite irritating Part 14, I needed a break, I needed something that would keep me from chucking out all my crochet materials and giving up, and this was just what I needed.



In the middle of my crochet reprieve, my kids begged me to check out the Solar Eclipse.   Luckily for us, we have expensive amazing telescopes which we've had for almost 20 years now, and have solar filters so that we can get some sun photography.   I used that filter for us to enjoy the eclipse.



I wasn't too into it, matter of fact I was going to skip it altogether, but I had also said from the beginning that for me it was a "if I can see it, great, but if I miss it, I won't be upset either."

Was able to snap these two pictures at different times during the eclipse.  The one above was around 1:30pm and the bottom one was an hour later.



Some of my favorite and most intimated moments with God, are spent in my kitchen as I prepare our family's meals.  I pray, I talk to Him, I confess, I ask for guidance and I thank Him for our lives, our homes, our bounty before us.





After dinner, dishes and clean up.  I have started stepping outside each night and watching as the sun starts to set.  There's this calming lull that settles over the land, even the birds and wildlife know it's time to slow down and get ready for the much needed rest ahead.



I am so thankful for the life I have, the place I live and the chance to be surrounded by beautiful country land.

I woke up with a pounding headache, a headache that had settled in about an hour after the eclipse and just seemed to increase in pressure as the day moved on.  I fell asleep around 8pm, my body fully exhausted, Marley at my side, TV control in my hand.



As I woke up on Tuesday, the headache persisted, no doubt my body telling me to slow down and take it easy, and I've learned over the years to take cues from that little voice in my head, not to fight it and think I know better.

And so I did my quick daily pick up and clean of the house and grabbed my Mandala Madness again.  I figured it was the perfect time to finish Part 14, now that I was forced to slow down, to not be distracted by other things, and I could give it my full attention which was desperately needed to get through the very wordy part of the pattern.



Two hours later, I made the last stitch and felt an immense sense of accomplishment.



These 4 rows that tested my patience and ability to read patterns, almost defeated me, but I didn't let that happen, I pushed through, pulled rows apart, wound up yarn ball after yarn ball, did it all over again, 4 times.....but I finished it and it felt great to know that in the end, through my perseverance, I beat the obstacle in my path.



It's more beautiful than I could ever imagine, truly breathtaking.  I only wish that I had as much creativity and talent as some of these crochet creators do.  To be able to envision it in my head and put it into words. 



I'm about to get ready for the day and head out.  My Jasmine has a hair appointment, she's now about to color her hair to a deep blue. 

I used to get frustrated with her because I feel that she has the most beautiful natural red hair, but she's 18 and she's in that stage of her life where she is enjoying experimenting with color and changing things up here and there.  And so I let her do it, and I no longer go into it with a frown, I smile and enjoy the process with her, it's a bonding moment for mother and daughter.

As she gets older, these moments are waning, they're probably some of the last ones I'll have with her on a day to day basis before she sets off into the big world. 

Lesson of the day friends, enjoy life, don't sweat the small stuff, and treasure every moment you have.  Breathe in the fresh air, take in that sunset, watch the birds flutter above and thank God for every second that you're allowed to do that :)

{ Are we really that dependent on technology }

I used to think that as things evolve and technology advances, that human beings as a whole, would be happier.

But sometimes I just have to wonder, because if my household is any indication of how it is nowadays, then I have to say that's a big fat lie.

When did we start depending on computers, internet and cellphones so much?

It's taken a lot away from personal contact, from actually talking to people face to face, from making an effort to go out of the way to see them and use words instead of punching letters into a phone or a computer screen.

Perfect example, we had no internet for about 5 hours today and it was like the world was ending. I have never heard my kids say so many times "I'm bored, there's nothing to do"......5 minutes later "I'm bored, what can I do?"

I don't remember it being like this when I was a child, matter of fact I didn't touch my first computer until I was 17 or 18.

What happened to just being a kid? To using your imagination, playing with your toys, inventing games?

What happened to spending hours entertained without being near anything electrical?

It just seems to me that in this day and age we rely far too much on these modern things, and I'm not saying just the kids, I think me personally and other adults too are so used to these things which we say simplify our life, that we're forgetting or actually choosing to oversee the fact that they really don't.

Simple for me was making popcorn on the stove with my stepmother and brothers, hearing it pop............not shoving a bag in the microwave.

Simple for me was putting in a movie on the tv, having the whole family gather around with blankets and watch it together........not having everyone at their respective computers watching it online.

Simple for me was sitting in my bedroom with my toys around, playing for hours......not sitting on the computer with games.

Simple for me was picking up the phone and talking to a family member......not picking up the cellphone and texting.

Simple for me was taking the time to send out pretty invitations for a party........not finding an invitation online and emailing it.

Simple for me is opening a book and reading through the pages.......not downloading an ebook and listening to the words.

Life was simple, and it was far more enjoyable than it is now, that is for sure!