Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Trust in the Lord

He answered their prayers, because they trusted in Him.  
 -1 Chronicles 5:20-


It's been a hard day for me.

My husband and I were woken out of our slumber just shy of 4:30 am this morning, by Lola twitching in her sleep.  The pugs sleep with us and her favorite spot is right between hubby's legs, and on her back.  She has always snored like crazy, and being the pug that she is, breathing issues are a common problem amongst the breed.

It didn't take us but a second or two to realize that the twitching was more serious than we thought.  She was on her back, stiff, front and back legs kicking, her little tongue hanging out a little and it was purple....and there was some foam in her mouth.


It scared us half to death.  It didn't last long at all, only a few seconds but it was the worst few seconds of our lives.

To say that this little pug is well loved is an understatement, she is more like our little baby, mine especially, and having lost a pug before, as my husband picked her up and held her in his arms, I felt the walls around me disappear and I was back to being a teenager, in my kitchen, watching my dog take his last few breaths.

I froze.  I just froze.  

She quickly came out of it and was back to her normal usual naughty, loving, happy, hyper pug within 5 minutes.  She's been fine all day, hasn't shown any signs of being unwell, but this mama is walking on egg shells.

I can't concentrate on anything, I find myself constantly looking at her scared that she will have another seizure.


I've often heard non pet lovers say "it's best to not even get a dog, you grow attached to them and they get sick or die and you grieve".

Truthfully, yes, it would be much easier to never love a pet, to never allow yourself that vulnerability, but is that really living???  Do we stop having children for fear of them getting hurt?  Do we not allow ourselves to love or be loved just in case something happens???

I think not.  Personally, I am thankful for these wonderful pets in our lives, no matter what.


Yes I could do without the frights, without the heart stopping fear of watching them hurt in any way, but then I would not be able to say that I've been loved unconditionally by a wonderful little being.

So as hard as it is for me, and trust me, I'm struggling to hold onto that word I chose for this year "Believe".  I want to......

  • Believe this was a one time occurrence
  • Believe that she is fine
  • Believe that it's nothing serious
  • Believe that whatever it is, we will deal with it

Oh so easy to want to do it, but a totally different thing to actually try it.

I'm determined to push through, to do my part down here while the Lord does His part up there.  So made a call to her vet and have an appointment on Friday afternoon, just to do a check up, see how she is and try to determine if it was indeed a seizure and if so what kind, if there will be the need for medication etc.

All the while this phrase screams inside me "This is not what we planned...we are moving in a few months, we have to save money, we can't afford vet visits or tests, we don't need this worry".

What a senseless little child of God I am.  It's not what I WANT, it's never what I WANT.  When will I learn that?

Learning to see every phase of our life as an assignment from God for that time period and glorifying Him in everything you do.

Please let that sink into my brain. I don't know why this happened, and quite honestly I don't think I need to know, it won't change anything. My job is to love this dog, to thank the Lord that I have her, and to face any challenge that may come my way as best as I can.


But I'll start tomorrow, because today, I'm drained, been relying on coffee and prayer to keep me from falling asleep.

I did manage to make 4 loaves of Buttermilk Bread and now I have to get into the kitchen to work on dinner, thinking meatballs and spaghetti, something hearty and comforting.


Mari said...

Our pets do become part of our family. Glad you are getting her checked out. Praying for all of you!

Renee said...

My heart goes out to all of you. You Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

AllyJo said...

How terrifying. We watched our rabbit die like this and witnessing a seizure is traumatizing. Our pets our children, brothers and sisters in our families. Be at peace. The Lord is with you and your family. (((hugs))) I will pray for you all.

Sherri B. said...

My heart goes out to you..we love our dogs the same way and so when something goes wrong, it rocks our world for sure. I will pray with you that this is a once time event.

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

I hope sweet little Lola will be just fine. She is a cutie pie. Our pets do become our babies and we can't help that. God gave them to us to love and care for. How young is she?

Love and hugs to all of you ~ FlowerLady

Joanna Perez said...

Oh gee !! This is a terrible feeling, but it should never stop anyone form loving!
Having a child, a pet, a spouse, anyone in your life is hard when a problem occurs.
But that shouldn't stop anyone from ever having loved.
Good thing you DID make an appointment. God gave you those little pugs for a reason. NO worries. I'm sure it'll all get better :)

Susan said...

Sandra,very well said. I have a tiny dog who changed over the summer from this hyper little thing to staying in his bed all day only to go out. I am blessed to have a Daughter who is a Licensed Vet Tech. She did tests on him,blood work everything,and as I was like you said "walking on egg shells" only to find he's perfectly fine, I just have to except that he is getting old. So ,he only eats table food,will not touch his dog food and sometimes spends all night wanting to go out 20 times. I am going to treasure these days with him and Pray when time is up for him,he will let me know. And then I know the Lord will give me what I need to get through it. Thank you for letting me share, I will be Praying!Suzy M.

Lulu said...

glad she is ok Sandra..i am going through some issues with my baby girl, just went to the vet today..Its horrible knowing something is happening and you cant do much at times..

Wendi said...

Scary for sure... praying that it was a one time thing.

Christy said...

Those are lessons I am trying to learn too - to stop trying to follow my own agenda and learn to follow the Lord's. Glad there were no more seizures, every day that she is fine will be a little less stressful. Hopefully you will get some answers on Friday.

Sami Jo said...

oh :( so sorry, sweety. pets do make their little places in our hearts. it's tough but all that good/joy/love out-weighs the tough. Praying for your little one and you all <3

Judy said...

I totally understand what you went through, last summer our Sadie went through some thing that I can't even describe, her back legs cramped up and she couldn't walk, it was the worst thing I have ever seen. My husband and I watched her like a hawk the rest of the day and many days after. She's fine now and I hope your sweet pug is too. I can't imagine not ever having her, I know when she's gone it's going to be very hard on us, but our life just wouldn't be complete without her.

Naomi said...

I so understand that feeling of 'walking on eggshells' and the constant lookout in case of another seizure... although it is not a pet for me, my husband has epilepsy with no identified triggers and no warnings.
Sadly for me I know that there will inevitably always be another seizure, be it one day later or one year later. I sincerely hope and pray that this is not the case for your adorable little Lola.
Your are in our thoughts and prayers Sandra xxx

CaityClaire said...

Oh no! Poor little pug :-(. Thinking of you guys, really hope she is fine. Hope you can find some peace to be able to relax and sleep well tonight and not have to worry too much. Give her some extra pats and rubs from your blogging friends :-) xx

Amber said...

Sandra - I have a border collie that has epilepsy. She's had it for probably six years (she's twelve) and she's still alive and well. It is heartbreaking to watch her have a seizure though. The vet discussed putting her on meds but said since she was only having 2-3 seizures per month, it wouldn't be necessary at that point. The meds were expensive so we passed. So I just wanted to encourage you that I know what you're experiencing. Oh, and when she first started getting them, the vet had told us to give her some corn syrup on a spoon in case the seizures were being caused by low blood sugar. You kind of have to just dribble it onto her gums from the spoon since her jaws will be clenched when she's having the seizure. You should check with your vet before doing that though. That's just what ours said.

Stay at home mom said...

So sorry about Lola. I know how close our pets can be to us. When I was a child, we had a Schnauzer that had seizers. All we could do was hold her and love her through it. She died an old dog and had been a good mother, herself.

I just want to say, I love your blog. My daughter accidently came across it while searching the internet for my blog. She even thought we favored a bit. lol.

Praying everything is ok with Lola and the vet visit was good.

autumnesf said...

I'm catching up on my blog reading! So sorry for your scare! Its funny how we parallel often - I spent today at the vet with hubs dog. She ate some socks or something and we aren't sure if she will pass them or not. Its awful seeing her in pain and struggling. All I could think about it Dion is coming home Wednesday and I killed his dog! Awful.