Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Catching up on life....
Hello my sweet friends, how are you all doing?
Thank you for all the kind words, the support, the prayers and the emails asking me how I am, and checking up on me. I can tell you that I'm much better today, and so, I thought I would come in and give you all an update.
The past 5 days have been excruciatingly difficult.
I have learned things I didn't want to learn, I have tried to comfort my siblings, I've had my siblings comfort me, and in the middle of this all I have felt this heavy sadness that seemed to be pulling me down, just like an anchor.
My home duties took a back seat, and I have been completely drained.
Divorce as an adult child is extremely hard, for many reasons, but the main being that we are expected to understand certain things, and are made aware of others and sometimes put in very difficult positions.
Yesterday, it all kind of came to a halt, I had to say things I didn't want to say, face some other things that were very hard to comprehend and accept, while putting on a brave face....but I did a lot of praying and I felt immediately better after facing certain things head on.
I honestly woke up with a renewed spirit and ready to get back to what matters, which is my family.
5 days of things taking a back seat, was starting to take some toll around here, so I got right to business.
A simple breakfast of coffee and toast and some lesson planning for the rest of the week.
I got the laundry going, worked on my budget, and also paid some bills.
Also updated the chalkboard with the new menu for the week, as yesterday was grocery shopping day for me.
I gave the house a very good cleaning, got things all tidy and put back in their rightful places, and really did for the first time smile in quite a few days.
It felt good to be back in the game, and my children certainly appreciated seeing mom as she always is, happy, smiling, puttering around the home and whipping up treats for them.
You know in the middle of all this drama, we have grandchildren that are very confused with everything going on and have a lot of questions. I just hate to see this happen, and I hate especially to know that my children and my nieces and nephews are suffering as well.
The only way I can think of to try and make things a little easier, is to retain some sort of normalcy, not just for their sake but for mine as well.
Stepping outside today felt amazing. It was as if I had been imprisoned inside a jail for months on end and was now for the first time enjoying the fresh air and the sun on my face.
Fall is here folks, and with a vengeance. The past two days have been very cold in the mornings and evenings, I am thinking we may just have a really cold winter coming up. We'll see.
Back in the house, I made some Breakfast Burritos for the freezer and cooked up some chicken for dinner, which left me with some delicious broth which I will refrigerate and use in upcoming recipes.
As my soul and my spirit continue on their healing journey, I am choosing to surround myself with pretty things and to look at life for what it is....a here and now moment, to be enjoyed and soaked up to it's very last minute, because as I've been reminded of, nothing is set in stone and things can change very quickly.
So, I am here, I am doing ok, I have my days, some better and some worse....some filled with questions, some filled with worry and many filled with tears.
But my job is to take care of my own children and I can't do that if I'm not in a good place physically and mentally, which means I can't take on other people's problems as my own and I have to detach myself while still being available for comfort and support where needed.
It's a balancing act, and I will be completely honest and tell you that the past few days, I was not winning and the scales were tipped in the opposite direction, but I'm working very hard on tipping them back to my side.
I know I will be ok and I will come out on the other side of this trial, a much stronger woman. The journey is never easy is it? The finishing line though?
That is sweeter than honey, and I am looking forward to ripping through that ribbon with a huge smile on my face.