Friday, June 16, 2006


Today is a special one for me, it's my SIL's birthday. I say sister in law because that is what she is according to the law, but in my heart, she is my dear sister Hayley.

We went to school together and a few years later she married my brother Miguel. Let me tell you, she is one of those wonderful people that just bring sunshine into your lives. She's always been there for me, no matter what was going on in my life, she knew just what to say.

When I moved to the States back in 1998, it was so hard leaving my family behind and especially Hayley. There is NOTHING that we can't talk about and no subject is taboo between us. I'm so happy and proud to call her my sister, and we've now been friends almost 20 years. How amazing is that???

So Sis, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, I so wish I could be there to celebrate with you, but will be doing so in heart and spirit. I love you and miss you more than words could ever say.


Something Janice said in her post this morning, reminded me of a day last week where my kids were fighting and when I went to see what it was about, I was surprised to hear them going and on about Jasmine wanting a baby sister to play with, and Nicholas wanting a baby brother.
It breaks my heart because I wish more than anything that I could do that for them, but I don't want to push my luck.

Having the two miscarriages drained me mentally but also physically, so when I managed to get pregnant with Nicholas, I was a high risk pregnancy and couldn't do anything, I would sweep the floor and start bleeding, I had contractions from about 16 weeks and on, I went into preterm labor at 28 weeks, the night before Curt was leaving for a TDY (Temporary Duty) and was put on bedrest. Talk about a scary thought, I had a 3 year old to take care of and my husband was going away for a while.

So last year while going for my yearly exam, my OB/GYN asked if I wanted to have anymore kids and I said Yes, I wanted one more. I thought that I might be better off having my last one now before I turn 35, which is already considered too old for having babies, it's like a cut off date or something, who knows.
I was put on prenatal vitamins so that this year we could have my IUD removed and I could start trying to get pregnant. While talking to God one night, I asked him to help me make this decision because one day I'm eager to have another one and then there's days that I'm so happy with just the two kids.
I don't know what happened or how, but I've finally come to the realization that I'm FINE, perfectly FINE, with just my two kids. I have a boy and a girl, what could be better right???
But yet there's times I see a little baby, or baby clothes or toys and it tugs at my heart, it's almost like a knife twisting and I yearn to have another one. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy and why push my luck right???

So as much as I wish I could grant the wish to my kids, I think it's safest not to venture into dangerous waters (so to speak). I'm sure they would be happier having a healthy mommy around :)

There seems to be a common topic amongst the military wives blogs the past few days. How to allow yourself to miss your husband and show your true feelings, but still remain a good military wife. Honestly???? I don't think one should outweigh the other, I think being a military wife is just a path that some of us choose to take and it does come with a lot of baggage. Yet we are constantly faced with the feeling of letting our soldier down or disappointing him by showing some weakness while they are deployed. The matter of the fact is that we miss them, we want them home with us and the kids, it's not easy not knowing what they're doing everyday, it's not easy being kept in the dark and the worst part for me??? Trying to explain to the kids why daddy is not with them.

See as much as it is difficult for us as the wife, to hold the fort down and become the mother and father to the kids, it's extremely hard for the kids to deal with. I remember Curt being gone and Jasmine begging me to see daddy and when I told her that she couldn't, she looked at me with such hurt in her eyes almost as if blaming me, like I was the one not letting her see him. It's heartbreaking.
So as much as I know that military wives cry for themselves and for the need to have their husbands back home, I know that for the ones with kids especially, we cry for them, for daddy not being there to take them to the playground, for the lack of wrestling around on the ground, sitting on his lap, laughing hysterically as they tickle each other and for the hugs and the kisses at nighttime with whispered "I love you to the moon and back".

So if you have some time, I ask that you go on over to Emily, Courtney, Charla, Glo, Michelle, Faith and just let them know that they are doing an outstanding job and that they are appreciated for the daily sacrifices they make. Believe me, it helps to hear it :)

I don't think I'll have a "Remember When???" today. I think I'm running out of stories and it's time to move on to something new. What that is, I have no idea yet, but I'm sure I can find something fun to do on a friday.

What's on my to do list for today?

  1. Return Carpet Cleaner
  2. Grocery Shopping (without the kids, YEAH)
  3. Laundry (I just can't seem to get rid of this, dagnabit)
  4. Work on Lori Foster's store
  5. Update Food Blog
  6. Update Pug Blog

Not too much today, thank God, I don't think I could handle an extremely busy day. Next week I'm going to start using my new schedule that I mentioned yesterday, shouldn't be a huge change since that's usually what my day consists of just that it's not in such particular order LOL

I truly hope you all have a blessed and relaxing friday. For my family in South Africa, I hope you all enjoy your public holiday :)
God Bless,


  1. That baby hunger can be such a huge thing, can't it? I've been on bedrest for my past two pregnancies, and it's been such a disruptive thing for our family, of course. But then I look at my baby and my son and am just so grateful for that disruption - and also that I didn't end up losing a baby.

  2. Thank you Sandra! I really appreciate your support. You are such an amazing friend.
    (((BIG HUGS)))
    Love ya,

  3. Sandra, I have to thank you so much for your encouragement and support. You're such a strong woman and I truley admire you. You always have the words to lift me up and I just want to let you know that I am thankful for you and your friendship. In regards to wanting another baby, I think God has a plan for all of us. He knows exactly what he wants for all of us in every aspect of our life. I feel that he will never give us more than we can handle, which is funny considering how much I've been struggeling with Steve being gone. I think the true problem is that I just haven't given it to him completely to guide me through it. I'm just trying to say that I believe God will tell you what he wants for you and your family. I'm so glad you've found peace with your decision to be happy with the two terrific kids you have already been blessed with. ((Big Hugs))
    I Love ya!

    PS: I hope this all made sense, I have a bad habit of rambling! :) I love ya!

  4. Sandra, that's a really beautiful post! I do believe our military wives deserve much more credit than they get. Kudos to all of you!

  5. Sandra, Love your blog site. thanks for your support.Also thanks for visiting my site. Isn't it cute ( Court & Charla ) did a great job for this old lady....I think God new what he was doing when he picked military wives.He helped all of us become stronger than we ever been and he also gave us an extended family. I am so proud of all you with children and I admire each and everyone of you.I sometimes wonder if God had of given me this when I was young with little ones,would I have handle it as well as you guys do. You women are terrific and amazing...To all Military Wives I say HOOAH!!!!
    Love,Hugs and God bless

  6. My first daughter was unexpected my senior year of highschool. I conceived my second daughter in 1 month. I have friends who can't conceive, or who've had multiple misscarriages, and I feel guilty for being able to have children so easily. I try to make sure I love my children the best I can, and take care of them and give them the best life possible. I don't know why conceiving and carrying is so much easier for some and not others. You have beautiful children. I wouldn't push my luck if I was you either. You've been through enough. Raise those 2 cuties! I really don't know how to put into words what I'm trying to say, so I'm going to quit rambling on like an idiot now.

  7. Sandra,
    Thank you stopping by the Cottage. I am going to make some of your recipes. I admire you strenght. I understand how hard deployment can be. Our son is in the Army. WE had a very hard thing happen last year while he was gone. After being gone for 2 1 year long deployments to Iraq with only a 6 month break he came home last Nov. In Jan. of this year his wife announced that is had been having an affair while he was away with his best friend and she left him and took the kids to live with this man. It has been hard on the whole family to deal with this.
    You are doing a great job.Hope to have you visit me again soon.

  8. First may I say I can not imagine the anguish haveing daddy's away on deployment must be for everyone. Itis heartbreaking. I have soooooo much gratitude respect and awe for all of you. I will head over to your friends blogs as well.

    About the baby thing - funny that you should wirte about that. I started to write a longer post and share what I really am going through about this baby thing and then i changed my mind, deleted it and just left the first part. Perhaps I will share - you made me feel like maybe it would be ok to open up about what I am goign is hard for me to talk about it on my blog for some reason... so I am going to go and think about writing about it...we'll see what happens...

  9. tried to visit all their sites, but michelles wasn't loading properly an faith's didn't accept my comment. I kept tryign but no luck.


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