We went to school together and a few years later she married my brother Miguel. Let me tell you, she is one of those wonderful people that just bring sunshine into your lives. She's always been there for me, no matter what was going on in my life, she knew just what to say.
When I moved to the States back in 1998, it was so hard leaving my family behind and especially Hayley. There is NOTHING that we can't talk about and no subject is taboo between us. I'm so happy and proud to call her my sister, and we've now been friends almost 20 years. How amazing is that???
So Sis, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, I so wish I could be there to celebrate with you, but will be doing so in heart and spirit. I love you and miss you more than words could ever say.
Something Janice said in her post this morning, reminded me of a day last week where my kids were fighting and when I went to see what it was about, I was surprised to hear them going and on about Jasmine wanting a baby sister to play with, and Nicholas wanting a baby brother.
It breaks my heart because I wish more than anything that I could do that for them, but I don't want to push my luck.
Having the two miscarriages drained me mentally but also physically, so when I managed to get pregnant with Nicholas, I was a high risk pregnancy and couldn't do anything, I would sweep the floor and start bleeding, I had contractions from about 16 weeks and on, I went into preterm labor at 28 weeks, the night before Curt was leaving for a TDY (Temporary Duty) and was put on bedrest. Talk about a scary thought, I had a 3 year old to take care of and my husband was going away for a while.
So last year while going for my yearly exam, my OB/GYN asked if I wanted to have anymore kids and I said Yes, I wanted one more. I thought that I might be better off having my last one now before I turn 35, which is already considered too old for having babies, it's like a cut off date or something, who knows.
I was put on prenatal vitamins so that this year we could have my IUD removed and I could start trying to get pregnant. While talking to God one night, I asked him to help me make this decision because one day I'm eager to have another one and then there's days that I'm so happy with just the two kids.
I don't know what happened or how, but I've finally come to the realization that I'm FINE, perfectly FINE, with just my two kids. I have a boy and a girl, what could be better right???
But yet there's times I see a little baby, or baby clothes or toys and it tugs at my heart, it's almost like a knife twisting and I yearn to have another one. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy and why push my luck right???
So as much as I wish I could grant the wish to my kids, I think it's safest not to venture into dangerous waters (so to speak). I'm sure they would be happier having a healthy mommy around :)
There seems to be a common topic amongst the military wives blogs the past few days. How to allow yourself to miss your husband and show your true feelings, but still remain a good military wife. Honestly???? I don't think one should outweigh the other, I think being a military wife is just a path that some of us choose to take and it does come with a lot of baggage. Yet we are constantly faced with the feeling of letting our soldier down or disappointing him by showing some weakness while they are deployed. The matter of the fact is that we miss them, we want them home with us and the kids, it's not easy not knowing what they're doing everyday, it's not easy being kept in the dark and the worst part for me??? Trying to explain to the kids why daddy is not with them.
See as much as it is difficult for us as the wife, to hold the fort down and become the mother and father to the kids, it's extremely hard for the kids to deal with. I remember Curt being gone and Jasmine begging me to see daddy and when I told her that she couldn't, she looked at me with such hurt in her eyes almost as if blaming me, like I was the one not letting her see him. It's heartbreaking.
So as much as I know that military wives cry for themselves and for the need to have their husbands back home, I know that for the ones with kids especially, we cry for them, for daddy not being there to take them to the playground, for the lack of wrestling around on the ground, sitting on his lap, laughing hysterically as they tickle each other and for the hugs and the kisses at nighttime with whispered "I love you to the moon and back".
So if you have some time, I ask that you go on over to Emily, Courtney, Charla, Glo, Michelle, Faith and just let them know that they are doing an outstanding job and that they are appreciated for the daily sacrifices they make. Believe me, it helps to hear it :)
I don't think I'll have a "Remember When???" today. I think I'm running out of stories and it's time to move on to something new. What that is, I have no idea yet, but I'm sure I can find something fun to do on a friday.
What's on my to do list for today?
- Return Carpet Cleaner
- Grocery Shopping (without the kids, YEAH)
- Laundry (I just can't seem to get rid of this, dagnabit)
- Work on Lori Foster's store
Update Food Blog Update Pug Blog
Not too much today, thank God, I don't think I could handle an extremely busy day. Next week I'm going to start using my new schedule that I mentioned yesterday, shouldn't be a huge change since that's usually what my day consists of just that it's not in such particular order LOL
I truly hope you all have a blessed and relaxing friday. For my family in South Africa, I hope you all enjoy your public holiday :)