Thursday, June 22, 2006

Weddings, big or small????

I'm a romantic and I love the whole fairytale idea, but when it came to my own wedding, I had a small intimate gathering at my house back in South Africa. Why you may ask??? Why not???

It's not that I didn't have the choice of a huge lavish wedding, but I didn't want it, for some reason the whole princess big white wedding dress, the hundreds of guests (some of who you don't even want there), the food, the flowers etc, didn't appeal to me. You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up, well that's because the other day I was watching tv and saw that "Bridezilla".
Quite frankly I was shocked and disgusted......yes I know a wedding is an important day and you want it to be perfect (blah blah blah), but I think these women take it to the extremes.

So yes, I had a very small wedding, went to court and got married, then had about 12 friends and family back at my house for a nice intimate dinner, but I did have my Pastor come and perform the ceremony again at the house. It was a beautiful night, it was romantic, it was inexpensive (we made all the food ourselves), and most importantly, I was able to have my greatgrandmother nearby (at this point she was extremely sick and had to use a wheelchair). Am I happy I did it, ABSOLUTELY!!!

Aaahhhh look how young we looked in that picture, to think it was only 8 years ago.

I have nothing planned for today, which is a good thing because having a sinus infection can be a real pain in the nose neck.
I will have to keep the kids busy, either with a craft or a game or something. It's always like this, summer starts and all of a sudden I have to become a "Planner". It's like a wedding planner but on a smaller scale and just substituting a few things. And let me tell you, kids are harder to please than an angry bride.

So with that said, here's what I've learnt this week (so far):

  • If mommy is sick or not feeling well, the world does NOT stop.
  • If the kids are quiet it does NOT mean they are being good.
  • If you hear "don't tell mommy", it's NOT a good sign.
  • If you mention the word -bedtime- all does NOT fall into peaceful quiet.
  • If you give the kids a bowl of popcorn, NOT all goes into their mouths (hence the million pieces needing to be vacuumed).
  • If you go to the grocery store and have to take the kids with, just because you ask them to behave it does NOT mean they will.
  • If you do all your laundry and fold it nicely, it does NOT mean you will put it away that day.
I'm sure I will learn a lot more before the week is over, that's the thing about being a mom, you're constantly learning something new.

While reading Liz's blog this morning, (and yes, I would encourage you to go on over because if there's ONE blogger that keeps it real and is open about her life and her faults, it's Liz), she brought up a very important topic, that of which relates to how we treat our husbands. I too am guilty of not always being fair and "nice" to my hubby.

Why you may want to know? Or maybe you don't, but I will tell you anyway. Since I can remember, all the boyfriends I have ever had were the type that walked all over me, they had no problem letting me know that I just wasn't THAT important. I was cheated on, I was stood up, I was slapped, but I think the thing that got to me the worst and did the most damage was the feeling of being "unloved and not worth it". Yes, that is a major thing for any woman, or man.

I brought that into my marriage, unfortunately, and not because I don't love my husband (he knows I love him to death), but because that was what I was used to. I couldn't trust him though he never gave me any reason not to, and let's not even mention the numerous time he tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, and I respond with "no I'm not, you're just biased".
Why do I do that? Because I can't seem to accept that there really is someone who loves me for who I am, and that I'm actually worth something. It hasn't been easy getting over these feelings I have, I mean, it's going on 9 years that we've been together and I still struggle with it.

Proverbs 31 Woman........Not only is a virtuous woman righteous in the Lord, but she is a loving wife and mother, a smart shopper, a seamstress, a gardener, a good housekeeper, and trains her children with wisdom. Her husband appreciates her and can praise her to his associates and friends because she is worthy of praise.

If I could just become the Proverbs 31 Woman, and I have no doubt that someday I will be able to achieve that, but not without pain and suffering and a lot of work.

So thank you Liz, thank you for reminding us all that our husbands need our devotion, our understanding and our love. I can tell him that I love him everyday, but am I really showing him???


  1. I had a huge (over 200 guests), lavish wedding, stuffed full of my mother-in-law's friends - none of whom my husband or I knew. We had wanted a small, intimate wedding (much like yours), and ended up with this big monster shindig at my mil's insistence. It set our relationship off on the wrong foot right from the start, and made my husband and me uncomfortable on our wedding day... wah wah. Anyhow, it's funny how emotional the subject of weddings can be! I really liked your post!

  2. What a great post!! What honesty. And what a terrific picture of you and your husband. So sweet! I really, really wish we could just have coffee at random points throughout the week.

    I had a pretty large wedding, and when I look back, I wish I would have done a small evening wedding with a very quaint dinner afterwards. I really wish that. In fact, I often wonder -- even though we'll only be moving towards 3 years -- when Dan comes home if he would like to renew our vows late at night at the church, just him and I.

    So you know what? I thought of a song for you. It goes like this.

    Sandra rocks. Sandra rocks.
    La la la la
    Sandra rocks.

    I'll sing it for you sometime.

  3. We also had a very small wedding with just imediate family. Wouldn't have had it any other way!
    As for the lesson learned with popcorn.....I learned that very same lesson yesterday. You have to see my post for today to understand....LOL!
    Have a great day:)
    Love ya,

  4. I loooooove weddings! I had about 125 at mine, and I loved every minute! I was not mean and hateful, I really enjoyed all the planning and preparation! I wish I could do it all over again! I think my wedding was sooo pretty!I do things simple though. Simple flowers, simple dress. I loved it! I saw a preview for that bridezilla show when i was at my parents house and it made me sick! I was at a wedding once where the bride acted like that. That just ruins the whole day! It's supposed to be your special day, your happy day, and then you act like that? I don't like it!
    You wedding sounds like it was lovely! It doesn't have to be huge to be special.

  5. If you've read my Happy Anniversary post (dated 17 May), you'll know that I thought I wanted a big, elaborate wedding, but Oronzo talked me out of it. I'm so glad he did! Our small, intimate wedding (granted it was in Ireland) was absolutely perfect and I wouldn't change a thing if we were to do it all over again!

    Thanks for getting my mind thinking on how we treat our husbands. Your phrase, "I can tell him that I love him everyday, but am I really showing him???” has got me thinking. I'm going to read Liz's post and possibly do a post of my own on this topic.

  6. We had a medium sized wedding and while I always dreamed of a big one, I still felt like the princess and when things had to wait because my mother left my veil at her house and sent my brother back for it and my darling's cumberbund, I knew that it didn't matter because (1) they couldn't start without me and (2) at the end of the day, I'd be married to the love of my life!

    When I was a much younger mom, I saw some dumb talk show that had all these young married women on it. All of them either wore their wedding dresses every day or watched their wedding videos EVERY DAY because they knew that was the highlight of their life and never again would they be the center of attention like that. It was pathetic. I was getting my little girl (3 or 4 year old) ready so we could run errands and I thought, "These women need a life. I'm too busy to worry about being the center of attention!"

    Thanks for your honesty, too, about the Proverbs 31 thing. She is hard to live up to, but I try to remember that that list is what a mother tells her son to look for in a wife. It's an ideal not a condemning list for us to beat ourselves up with. And, besides, I bet you're closer to her than you think!

  7. beck - 200 guests??!?!?! Good Lordy that was a lot LOL

    Emily - Thank you :) I too wish we could have coffee at times, just sit back and relax and chat. That would be too sweet if you and Dan could renew your vows, just you guys, that would be so romantic and sooooooo sweet :)
    Thank you for the song too, I love it LOL

    courtney - LOL Shannon would get along perfectly with my kids LOL Hey we could share some drinks while they share some popcorn LOL Love ya girl :)

    Jaymi - You also had the huge wedding huh? LOL I'm not against huge weddings, just didn't want one for myself :)

    overwhelmed - Thank you :) I'm so glad my post could inspire others to think of how they treat their husbands, I just feel like I take him for granted at times and it shouldn't be that way :)

    mom nancy - Oh I so agree with you, to me it's about the fact that my husband and I would be married, it wasn't about showing off or being the center of attention, I'm a pretty shy person and I HATE having everyone looking at me LOL

  8. We had a big white wedding, but we did everything as cheaply as we could and it was great. I can't believe people spending so much money on a dress or on a single day! Crazy!

  9. Hey, I would like to share our typical Chinese Wedding celebration - some opt for church wedding but for us, we invited 550 guests for a sit-down 10 course dinner (55 tables).

    On a different note I would like to add that yes, we all enjoyed the preparation and all thing nice but of late, I have noticed that alot of people spent alot of money on wedding and they failed to realise that it is not the wedding day that is important but spending time together as husband and wife.

    Thank you Sandra for a beautiful post, you looked gorgeous in that wedding dress.

  10. Hey, I would like to share our typical Chinese Wedding celebration - some opt for church wedding but for us, we invited 550 guests for a sit-down 10 course dinner (55 tables).

    On a different note I would like to add that yes, we all enjoyed the preparation and all thing nice but of late, I have noticed that alot of people spent alot of money on wedding and they failed to realise that it is not the wedding day that is important but spending time together as husband and wife.

    Thank you Sandra for a beautiful post, you looked gorgeous in that wedding dress.

  11. I always thought growing up that I wanted the huge wedding, but as I got older, I realized that I would rather have a small intimate gathering of people that REALLY knew me. So many weddings are people that knew you when. I just loved my wedding. I do love to go to the big ones though. I love any wedding really.

    You and your husband do look young. Man how time flies when you are having fun!!! Am I right?

  12. I've seen that show, it's terrible.
    I had a huge wedding with over 400 people, but I have a very large family and so does my husband. My husband has 29 Aunts and Uncles and that doesn't include their wives and husbands and children and grandchildren. I have 14 Aunts and Uncles etc. He also has 5 siblings and I have one. Needless to say though, I did a lot of it on my own and it only cost me $8000 for everything and I mean everything down to my tissue for the girls. Everyone thought I had spent a whole lot more.

  13. Your wedding photo is lovely...gorgeous couple. Enjoyed the rest of the post as well. Haven't seen Bridzilla..saw an ad and wasn't interested. Have seen Exchanging Vows though..a show where two engaged couples, who don't know eachother, plan eachother's weddings and whoever gets it right, wins their dream honeymoon. Now, that takes trust!

  14. I had a wedding with about 160 people I think. I loved it!!!!!! It was the greatest day of my life. (My mom and I planned it together. She was awesome.) I had so much fun and was so in love. It was wonderful. I was relaxed and had a blast with everyone. But I can understand why some people want it small and intimate. Yours sounds wonderful!! :) And your picture together is so sweet and beautiful.

    I always need a reminder to treat my hubby better. Thanks:)

  15. You do look so young in that photo. I too had a small wedding. By choice. Very informal. Just what I wanted.


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