Thursday, September 25, 2014

Heart Broken!


Divorce is never easy!

Not for the couple involved, and certainly not for the children.  I have lived through it once before when my father divorced my mother, yes I was only 2 years old, but the ramifications are something that have stayed with me my entire life.

The finger pointing, the "you love that parent more than me" accusations and the constant feeling of sadness that you don't have your mother and father together.

My father remarried and he and my stepmother have been together for 37 years.

Today, we got the news that they are getting divorced.

It is like the floor has been pulled out from under me.  This month has been excruciatingly difficult, so many things gone wrong, so many issues, so many worries and this feels like the icing on a very sad and heart breaking cake.

Folks, to say that I am exhausted mentally, would be an understatement.

I don't know what to say, other than I feel extremely sad that this is happening, even though I know it is what is best for both my father and stepmother.  I love them both dearly and only want their happiness, and that unfortunately is something that has been missing for the past 4 years.

I am glad to see this come to an end....but on the other hand I can't help but be devastated at the news. 


So I cry.  I cry for what was, I cry for what has become and I cry for the good memories that I hold dear in my heart.  I also cry because I feel like I've been dealt this hand TWICE and I ask why?  But then I have to quickly remind myself of, why not?

I am not special, I don't get to go through life without ever been affected by bad things, and so I need to just get on with it, and get by as best as I can.

Some people say that divorce doesn't affect the children, especially when they are adults.  I beg to differ, because it does, it can't help but not to.

I think in a way being an adult and in my own marriage, it just makes me see things much clearer and able to understand where they are both coming from.  Still, there is the side of me that wishes this wasn't happening, you always want to see your mom and dad together, no matter how old you are.

Then there is the side of me that immediately thinks of my own marriage, and this serves as a reminder that no matter how much we love each other, the future is not set in stone and things can change drastically.



Maybe I'm just throwing things out as they pop in my head, maybe it's my weird way of dealing with the information or trying to make sense of it, or maybe I'm in denial.  I don't know what it is, I just know that I feel so absolutely out of place right now, in a lot of areas of my life, and I just wish I could see the end in sight.

I also have a doctors appointment coming up in the next few weeks and would really appreciate some prayers.

If you've read this far, I have to thank you because I do feel that I just blabbed all over the blog but I needed to get this out, so I apologize for the long, sad, mopey post.  I hope you forgive me.

28 comments:

Jen said...

((((HUGS))) Love you my dear sweet friend. Don't ever apologize for being honest. I am praying for you often.

Renee said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. Keeping you all in my prayers.

Amy at love made my home said...

There is nothing to forgive Sandra, as you have done nothing wrong. No wonder you have been feeling all mixed up lately with all that has been going on with changes for your family, and then having this going on in the background. This is so so so incredibly hard, and I really hope for all of you that it works out for the best and that you come out happier and stronger. It is never nice when this happens, but as you say, sometimes it is for the best and all concerned will be happier apart. I have been divorced, my parents divorced when I was a small child, so I understand that this is never easy. Take care, know that as you are all the time, you are in my thoughts and I hope for the very best for you. xx

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Loving huggles. My mom and dad divorced the year before mom died and then he remarried and divorced again. I will be praying for all of you

Wendi said...

Oh sweetie! I am so sorry. Thankfully my parents are still together but my in-laws are not. My husband has deep sars because of it and it still has an impact on our family today. We always pray for the best when an event brings them together! Praying for you, my friend.

Dirt Road Primitives said...

Sandra you are so right, divorce is hard any child at any age....I myself come from many divorce parents, my dear poor mother tried 4 times....she passed away at a very young of 47 she then was divorced for the fourth time... I myself am divorced from my children's father after 12 years, I thankfully found,about 5 years later my sole mate, we just celebrated 15 years 😀 my children love him as much as there own father, and as well love their step mom....it still effects them in every way I know, sharing their times with all of us, splitting up visits, but I try hard to make this easy on my children they are both grown 26 and 31 but when we have large get togethers I ask their father and step mother for to make it easier for my children...thankfully we all get along 😀 big hugs my friend, my heart is heavy for you as well..may it lightened some in the upcoming days.
Many hugs
Rhonda

Conny said...

I am so sorry for your sad news. I too am a child of divorce - and my father divorced his second wife later as well ... though she was NOT like a stepmother to me. But anyway ... a few years ago my husband came across a book - and I wish I remembered the title of it - but it was about "adult children of divorce" because no matter what age your parents divorce or what age you are, it still hurts you. It still brings emotions.
I am glad you are finding peace in the strength of your own marriage.

Your family remains in my prayers.

Rachel said...

Sandra-- you do not need to apologize. Your heart is hurting and this blog is one of your many ways of expression. I am so sorry that you are going through this with your dad and stepmom. We thought a couple of years ago that my parents were headed that way. They even announced a seperation, and I know the pain that I felt. It was awful. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and pray that you find peace and comfort in these trying days. Hugs to you.

Elizabeth said...

Please Don't apologize. This is a difficult time and by sharing it on your blog, you allow all of us to hold you in our hearts. May you find peace and healing...go outside and stand in the sun or the rain and feel the beauty and uplift of the magnificence of nature. It has helped me many a time.

Helena Dias said...

Thinking of you.

Tamy Bollar said...

So sad - HUGS & PRAYERS coming your way. <3

Erika said...

Hugs and prayers

Felicias Red Door Life said...

(hugs)

I'm sorry for the sadness in your family. I pray that every one is able to heal.

Mahek said...

Hi
My prayers are with you...
Sandra, after knowing you through your blog , I know you will go through this and come out a stronger
person.
You will also find a way to see or feel positive.

skmanning said...

Divorce is never easy no matter the circumstances. I think you cry for and grieve for the way you want things to be. It's hard and I'm sorry for this. Prayers for you.

Dieneke said...

Thinking of you, praying for you
It is so good to share with others.

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Dear, dear Sandra ~ My heart and prayers go out for you at this time. My parents divorced when I was 12-13. I'm now 65, and I want to say that I never got over it, and it has greatly influenced my life. It is part of the reason for my being who I am.

It always hurts to hear of couples divorcing.

May you feel the love, peace and healing strength of God with you as you go through this time of sorrow and with your upcoming drs. appt.

Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady

Dawn said...

I am so sorry.

Kristina said...

Hugs. I am so sorry.

Carol said...

So sorry to read this :-(

Cheri said...

No need to apologize. So sorry for this sad news. Praying for peace for you all!

A said...

Pray you were able to get some sleep last night. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Hope you have a GREAT Friday and a very Relaxing and Restful Weekend!

Dawn said...

I am very sorry to hear of this. I will be praying for you and for your parents. My parents are still married but there were many times when I thought it was the end for them. My in-laws are divorced and my mother-in-law left when my husband was in high school. I met him shortly after. I saw the heartache he had gone through with his parents fighting all the time. It certainly isn't easy for the children, no matter the age. Hang in there Sandra. I will pray over this situation and also about your doctor appointment.

Carrie B. said...

So sorry for your news Sandra!

I am also a child of divorce and it is never easy. Please know you're not alone and I think it's great that you feel comfortable to share with us - who gladly offer our support and prayers to you.

Also know you're not alone. God is there to listen and to answer and help you through this:
The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue,to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. Isaiah 50:4

God bless. Will keep the prayers coming.

Barb said...

Hi Sandra~

I'm so sorry that you are struggling, you will be in my prayers.

Gentle Hugs,
Barb

Mari said...

Sandra - I'm a day late, but had to stop and tell you how sorry I am to hear this. I'll be praying for all of you.

Susanne said...

Sorry for your pain, Sandra. May God comfort you and be your strength. My mom and dad divorced when I was an adult and it was NOT easy in the least.

Judy said...

Oh Sandra, I am so sorry to hear this. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.