Monday, April 13, 2009

I am SO upset right now!

I literally could feel myself wanting to spit nails.

I'm about to rant and rave and I thought about not doing it here, but this is my blog and I'm entitled to say what I feel.

I'm usually a calm person and it takes a lot, and I mean A LOT to get me going, but if there's one thing that is off limits with me, is my children.

Let me start by saying that I've talked about the kid's school before and I've talked about how I don't want to be "that" mother. You know, the one that is constantly bugging the teachers, or the one that complains every time another child looks at one of my kids sideways.

But there comes a time when you need to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you need to take action.

I've always taught my children to be respectful, to stand up for themselves and to mind their manners. I know that school is tough, we've all been through it and we know that there is bullying and injustices done daily, but when I start feeling that the teachers are not doing their job in protecting my children, then the mother bear comes out, claws drawn and ready for a fight.

Last week I told you all about the girl in Jasmine's class and the problem we had with her. Well since that same week, one of the sisters of another girl in Jasmine's class, has been bullying and picking on my daughter and her friend.

This girl is in fifth grade and comes around with her friends at recess, yells at them, picks on them, tells them the spot their sitting in is their spot. She went as far as throwing grass in Jasmine's friends hair and physically pushing Jasmine. After speaking to my daughter she said that they had brought it up to their teacher and she had informed them that she would be talking to the other girl's teacher....I chose not to get involved, but I warned her that if this continued, I would step in.

Needless to say, she came home from school upset because the girl was bullying them again, throwing half eaten celery at them and in their faces.

Now I ask you, when is enough is enough for you? Would you let it go or would you put your foot down and say "that's it".

Because that is what I did. Unfortunately the duty teachers who are supposed to be out there during recess are choosing to stay in ONE area and not going around checking on everyone. Ridiculous!

I've already emailed the teacher and told her that I'm putting a stop to this today. She will either take care of it tomorrow or I will take it straight to the principal and the authorities. I'm at the point where I am sick and tired of seeing my daughter and her friend coming home upset and broken down.

I trust the school to take care of my children, I send them off EVERY morning with the confidence that while I'm not there, someone else is looking out for them, but it's sad when you hear about how much bullying goes unnoticed in schools and how much is being let go because the child is "having some issues" or "going through some changes".

We all go through changes and we all have issues, very serious issues in our lives, is it ok for us to start going around bullying our neighbors and members of the community? Should I just start walking around chewing on celery and throwing it at people that walk by because I'M HAVING A BAD DAY?

NO, it's not alright and it's not ok and I for one am determined to do my best to stop some of these injustices, it may just start with my daughter and her friend, but I think that in the long run, I may just be protecting another innocent girl or boy from being bullied by this same group of girls who seem to think that they're entitled to this behavior.

Do I blame the parents? I don't know them, I don't know what they do at home or what kind of life they have. DoI think they need to be made aware of what is going on? Absolutely!
If my daughter was doing this at school, even with all the lessons I am teaching her at home, I would want to know, I would actually "expect" the school to contact me.

I'm just tired, sick and tired of this. It frustrates me to no end when I hear statements such as "No Tolerance" when all I'm seeing is otherwise. It's pushing me to seriously consider home schooling, but then on the other hand, I don't want the bullies to win, it's scary the way that public schools have become and I think as parents we need to be completely involved and aware of what is going on.

I ask you this? Have you talked to your children lately? Have you asked them, really asked them, what is going on at school?

I'm done venting and ranting, but I leave you with one question and please feel free to be honest. Am I overreacting or do any of you out there feel exactly the same way that I do?

Let's talk, let's let it all out, I would love to hear from other parents who are dealing with bullying against their children.


  1. Sandra,great posting.Rant if you must.

  2. I'm so sorry your sweet Jasmine and her friend have been exposed to this. I do agree with you and I think you need to talk with the teachers again. They need to be aware of the bullies, especially today you just never know what it will lead to.. I will be praying for you to make the right decision and to gather your thoughts and comments to be effective.

  3. You're not overreacting Sandra, I would do the same. (A similar situation led to us sucessfully homeschooling our youngest since Grade 9.)
    I pray that the bullying will be taken care of and that your daughter and friends will receive the protection they are entitled to.

  4. Go for it, Sandra! It's not alright and it's not ok for anyone to bullied. It's the root of many more serious problems and needs to be stopped when it first shows it's ugly head. You're correct in saying that you would expect the school to contact you if one of your children was causing the problem, so the school should most certainly contact the parents of these bullies and warn them that the behavior is not acceptable and must not continue.

    I pulled Sophia out of school because of a bullying situation - in a private, Christian school, no less! I was done with talking to the teacher and the administration. When they let it go on too long, that was enough for me. I was not going to have my daughter dread going to school, nor was I about to let it prey on her mind so much that it affected her schoolwork and her life in general.

    Bullying should be a crime and treated as such. Unfortunately, too often the bully is mistreated at home, or coddled to such a degree that the parents don't think it's an issue. They need to pay the penalty for not reining in their children.

    And that is a rant and a rave but I stand by every word. Been there, done that and not about to let it ever happen to my child again!

    I recommend that in addition to a visit to the school, you put everything that was discussed in writing and copy not only the teachers involved, but the principal as well.

  5. You are not over reacting. I was bullied all through high school. I wore glasses, came from a single parent household and was not at all skinny. Aded to that the fact that we were poor, and I was an easy target. I had yohurt thrown in my hair, people talked about me while I was there, I was locked out of the class etc. I spent lunch either in the counsellors office crying or in the library hiding. I ended up leaving school at 15 because I couldn't stand it anymore. The thought that my son will soon start school terifies me. I have no idea how I will deal with the bullies that there seem to be in every school. I too am considering home schooling, but in Australia it is very hard to get approval to home school, and so very few people actually do it. You are not over reacting at all.

  6. No you're not over reacting at all.
    When it's your kids getting hurt- it does drive most moms to the protective mode.
    That is ridiculous and I agree with you that if it was my child doing the offense I would want to know.
    Please keep us posted as to what happens.

  7. A mama's instincts should not be ignored. I would advise to go ahead and email or call the principal as the teacher's job is teaching and the principal's job is adminstration and he/she needs to get involved since more than one teacher is involved (Jasmine's the the bully's) and all that sorting out between the teachers can take a long time. I feel sorry for teachers these days who have to spend some much time with these issues - but there comes a point where they need to call a spade a spade and get to the issue. Go for it!

  8. You go girl! You are completely normal. We can all be calm but when it comes to our kids, don't mess with them! Letting this go would not be normal. I think it's your job as her Mom to let them know you are wanting some change. I also think the other girls parents need to hear what is happening and everyone needs to know this is unacceptable!
    I'll be praying for you and for Jasmine.

  9. It starts small and builds up. After dealing with bullies messing with my daughter I started being the duty volunteer just so I knew I could watch what was going on. In the end, telling the principal only made things worse and my daughter became the "snitch". She was getting sick before school, grades dropped and I finally just took her out and now home school. Stand strong and let your daughter know you back her 100%.

  10. I would spitting mad too!!! I have been in your shoes and instead of emailing the teacher I went into school with my child the next morning (went in after school one time) and talked to the principle. It was taken care of right then and my son was able to pick out the kids who were involved. Us ,as parents, are our kids only defense against the world and it is our job to protect them. I would consider going into the school in the morning!! Good luck and hope to hear a good report!

  11. Sandra, as I said after your last post about Jasmine and the girl in her class. I don't take it, I went to the Teacher and the Principal and action was taken. I don't care what anyone says, so the girl is throwing grass and then celery, whats next bringing weapons to school just to see what they can get away with. These are OUR CHILDREN it is our job and ours alone to protect them to the best of our ability. Make a stink! I don't care if there is only 5 weeks left of school, that is along time in the eyes of a child. Definitely take action its our job.

  12. There is no such thing as overreacting when you are talking about your children! I wouldn't let anyone bully my kids either!


  13. Your children have a right to attend school without being bullied. Give the teacher one chance to get it fixed and if she can't go to the principal and if that doesn't fix it then see the superintendent. If a child puts their hands on your child without permission that is an assault. I may be overboard but I would not care what they thought of me but they would have no question of what I thought of them if they couldn't stop this child from bullying your daughter.

    Roberta Anne

  14. Sandra I so feel you pain! My comment would be so long if I went into everything my son has experienced! I don't feel the school does enough. He has told us over and over that the teachers are never around when the bullying goes on. When he first started 5th grade a boy tried to do something pretty vulgar to our son and our son defended himself. He came home and told us about it, and we told him he had to tell his teacher. He did the next day, and I got a call saying he was suspended for hitting a boy. 3rd day of school "no tolerance"! To say we were angry was an understatement! I thought my husband would blow a gasket! He asked the ass't principal what he would have expected his son to do in this case! It was a hard wrong lesson for our boy to learn. I have to think also that maybe if the child was found out and confronted it might help them as well. Maybe there is some bad situation or disorder causing it and no one is paying attention (not that I am condoning it in the lest)! I'm so sorry for your sweet girl! I pray that positive things happen tomorrow!

  15. oh Sandra I don't think you're overreacting at all! I'm sorry Jasmine, and her friend, are going through this at's terrible. And yes what is with the "no tolerance" that means definitely no pushing! I think you did everything right trying to let the teachers handle it first, and then going to the principle if nothing further is being done. And that girl's parents sure do need to know what is going! I hope this gets resolved tomorrow!

  16. Hugs and prayers for you & Jasmine as you deal with this. I'm glad you're not going to let this go! My husband is the administrator at our small Christian school and I know he would nip something like this so fast. Thankfully our classes are so small that the teachers know just about EVERYTHING that goes on!! And I work there too 3 days a week so I'm around as well. It's our job as parents, as educators, as Christians, as moral and decent people to not let the bullies win!

  17. Oh sweetie, I would be the same as you for sure! I'm so sorry to hear that Jasmine and her friend had been dealing with this. There is no reason for this. I will be praying for the girls! I hope you get the schools attention and they put a stop to this! Hugs and Blessings,

  18. You are absolutely ddoing the right thing by gettinginvolved. I feel the same way you do about trying to let them handle certain things on their own...but there is a point when you must step in and you have definetly reached it. Go get'em momma bear! Time for playing nice,nice is oveer, you tried that! Those other kids need some serious reprimanding and your daughter and her freind deserve an apologie!

  19. I'm very sorry for what is happening and no, you'r enot overreacting. I will pray for you.

  20. You are doing what is right. You are the mother and you have all the right.
    Once one of my children was being upset by another girl and I jumped out in her defence as a wolf.
    If you don't defend your children, who will do it?


  21. You have every right to rant about your horrible situation, Sandra, so don't worry about that!

    Your post really humbled me. I'm a teacher and I've ranted/posted, through frustration, about the type of mums you describe - why don't they trust me to do my job, don't they understand that I don't want bullying anymore than they do etc.

    But your post reminded me that teachers can make mistakes and genuine concerns, like yours and your daughters, can get forgotten or overlooked which means that nastiness like the celery girl goes unresolved.

    You've acted in the best way for your daughter and did the absolute right thing. There's no teacher that wouldn't want to be reminded about a situation like Jasmine's and if they don't then it's only because it highlights that they didn't do their job properly in the first case.

    Sorry about the long comment! I hope that the situation gets resolved soon


  22. As parents we usually know when "enough is enough". This situation definitely warrants your intervention. Unfortunately, we have to take a hardline, especially with people who are responsible for our children. The other thing is children now think "I'm sorry" instantly can make things better. I have been trying to explain to my children that not everything can be fixed with "I'm sorry", there will be consequences for things in life.
    "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.", that is what I was taught. That seems to be missing in these children now.

    Well, this is my first time to your blog. I hope I didn't rant too much myself. I enjoyed your blog very much.

    Hope you get resolution quickly.


  23. I was able to home school my boys for a while and wish I could have done it most of their school life. Should you home is for you to decide. I think you are doing the right thing by talking with the school officals. I know there are two sides to every story. My middle son has weak eyes and was picked on in school. BUT there was one time I couldnt take it anymore. The teachers wouldnt do anything so I went to the school during play time & confronted the child that was being so cruel.....I was firm but told him I would not tolerate his picking on my son again. The two boys became very good friends after that. Let us know what happens at school Sandra.

  24. Sandra~ you are soooo NOT overreacting! I am shocked at how the kids are in schools today.. My oldest is supposed to start school in the fall and Im scared to death.. I have been struggling with whether or not to homeschool her also.. The only reason I am going to let her go to school is because my mom is the library assistant there and has been for 19 years.. If she wasnt going to be there, there would be NO WAY I would be letting her go to school.. I am not ready to compete with all of the bad influences there are out there..
    There were alot of kids that used to pick on me in school.. When I was in high school I got really depressed and started backsliding away from God and what I knew was right, so my mom pulled me out of public school in the middle of my 10th grade year..(it was the best thing she could have ever done for me)..
    I feel that alot of times kids dont have a voice and we as parents need to be sure to give them one.. You're def. doing the right thing.. If the teacher doesnt take care of it TODAY, I would be in the principal's office first thing in the morning!
    good luck, I'll keep you in my prayers.


  25. I would be livid too.

    One thing i'd worry about, however is more retaliation by the girl doing the bullying, kwim?

    And another thing.. I try to bring my kids up the way I was brought up. I try to be respectful of others, etc. I know we, as parents, are responsible for our childrens' behavior. but how are we to handle it when the school/principal is repeatedly calling us, telling us 'Johnny' is misbehaving again when we talk to 'Johnny' repeatedly? I agree, it's not right. These are such hard times. It's not meant as an excuse, but living in an Army environment, we're having to deal w/ multiple back-to-back deployments. What's a parent to do, especially when different professionals have been consulted.

    Is it possible for you to talk w/ this girl's mother in a non-threatening way w/ the daughter present so you can explain & help her understand the other side of it?

    I hope everything works out & your daughter & her friend don't keep experiencing the bullying.


  26. I absolutely agree with you.I hope you get more of a response than I got.I did end up having to pull my youngest out of school for this very reason exactly.The teachers think recess is gossip time for them:( My son got hit and pushed down and when he finally got tired of it(after more than 8 times of others putting their hands on him and so called adults doing nothing)he struck back.The school put HIM in in school suspension(had done NOTHING to the bully(ies,depending on the day)in all of the previous incidents.But the first time my son decides enough is enough,they punish him.I took him out at the end of that school year and let them know he would not return because they could not keep my son safe.Their response?"xxx will be moving on to middle school next year,your son will be safe here."
    Excuse me?Did I miss something?The only way you can keep a child safe is to pass the bully on to the next school?No thanks!They are only a year apart.Would have the same problem in a year,think I will look out for my own kids,thanks.

  27. You are not overreacting at all. I have horrible memories of school because of this sort of thing and I would hate for your sweet little girl to have the same feelings of something that is supposed to be a great memory.

    I am thinking when Jack gets to school age I will homeschool.

    It is the responsibility of the parents to know and discipline their child.

  28. My daughter was being bullied by the boy next door. They moved in three years ago and he wanted her to be his girlfriend. They were 13 at the time. My daughter wasn't interested but was kind about it and told him no. Since that moment he singled her out. We have had major problems with them. We thought the problems were over when he was expelled from not one but two other schools and sent to a "special" school. His older brother just died last week of a drug overdose at the age of 18 but the parents deny it was that (we were told it at the time by police on the scene). This boy who bullies my daughter is now 15 and his girlfriend who is also 15 is pregnant. Last year enough was enough for us and we changed our daughter to a new high school where no one barks like a dog at her when she walks down the hall. It's a sad world when this is allowed to happen. We had tried talking to the parents and resolving this, tried working with the school but to no avail. The parents say their kids don't do things like that. I soooooo wish we could could move but not in this economy. Sadly, I think we will move when the market turns around bz of one spoiled little young man who couldn't have what he wanted. Thanks for letting me vent.

  29. P.S. My daughter is a 3.9 GPA Honor student and an excellent student who most assuredly isn't into drugs like the neighbor boy. She's doing concurrent enrollment with college next year so when she graduates high school she will be a sophomore in college. She's not perfect and I'm not one of those mother's who will insist my kids do no wrong, but she's a good kid who just wants to do well in life. I just wanted to clarify my last comment and make sure you knew that she was a good kid, and not just because her mother said so.

  30. Good post- I understand because I was always bullied, and I want to a christian school. It has to be dealt with right away or it just goes on and on. Children should be taught continuously about how wrong bullying is. Everything in the school considered me and my siblings "weird" because we had certain standards, so all of us were bullied to a certain extent. Eventually my mom took us out of school and home-schooled. I hope everything gets better for you and your little girl!

  31. Sandra, you go girl there are many of us that have been there and I was and I am that mother who bugs the teacher. With 6 children I am the mother who was involved everywhere and it paid off so you go girl I am in your corner

  32. Ugh. And it only gets worse as they get older. And elementary is the only grades that the teachers even bother with listening to the parents -- after that you become some kind of crazy mom that is over protective in their eyes. All fun stuff.

    We pulled our son out in the middle of 10th grade. By then he was making all but 1 . Now he is in college and loving school.

    My 13 year old comes home from school in tears weekly -- and has for years (different duty station). We've never been able to escape the bullying and bad kids.

    Don't you just love American schools???

  33. Hey dear, I know exactly how you feel. When my oldest was in K, his new $140.00 glasses were tore off his face by someone from a totally different class and thrown on the concrete! Scratches abounded! This happened not just once but two or three times! A boy cut my son's new shirt with scissors, taught him fowl language etc.! But through much prayer and talking with my husband we began homeschooling the very next year. I now homeschool all 6 of my children K through 7th and have never felt better about being a parent than I do NOW! I am not telling you to do what I am doing, just sharing what the Lord guided us to do! Are my children still bullied from time to time? YES! My husband is a pastor, and we have a little mission church in a bad neighborhood that keeps the law busy. My husband and I are the ones keeping watch on all the children that attend. Therefore bullying stops as soon as it trys to start! I am saying a prayer for you today. It is so hard when you thought you could trust the school to take of and protect your little ones, and then see the apathy that is going on. God Bless You.

  34. Sandra,

    I so enjoy your blog and wanted to give you a little award for your hard work - I have it at my site so stop on back when you get a chance.

    Hope all works out okay with Jasmine.

  35. You are absolutely right. The school needs to step in immediately on this. I hope they do the right thing. It sounds like they need someone like you making sure they do the right thing!

    And on the other side of it, having a child that got in trouble for his treatment of another at school, I DO want to be informed, IMMEDIATELY if my child gets in trouble in school. They are a little slow to inform us, and I have no idea why.

  36. You are doing the right thing in my opinion.

    If I were in your position, I wouldn't stop until the principal knows along with the other parents, since as you pointed out, the other parents might have no idea what their "angels" are up to at school. I taught 2nd grade for awhile and I know how some teachers can pacify everything and tell some parents that they will take care of it then do nothing--expecting the kids to handle it themselves. I would make the appointment with the principal and tell him/her everything going on. Hold the teachers and principal accountable.

    Since the problem is so bad and seems to be getting worse, I would do all this. If it were a smaller, different problem, I might not involve everyone...

    This is just my opinion. I hope everything works out *QUICKLY* and Jasmine and her friend can be happy at school again.

  37. I am going through the same thing with my daughter but she is in 7th grade. The second time I went straight to the principal. Here in Arizona there is an anti bullying law. You can press charges against the girl for it. I would go talk to the principal. Good luck I will be praying for you. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

  38. Sandra,

    My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I would def go talk face to face with the principle and the other teachers and the bullies. Maybe them being called to the principles office and having a talking to will straighten them out. Teachers have to many kids in one class for one thing, and they are wore out by the end of the day or just wanting to get that break from them and many of them see recess as a chat break and they don't pay the attention that is needed at that time to the kids. Its wrong in so many ways but that is how its been for years. I remember that time as a kid. So I would bring that to the priniples attention as well. Thats one thing I'm happy about our school is that we have only two to three of the same grade classes out at one time. so theirs not a big mixture of grades and ages out at the same time. But its not right and I pray for your strenght and confidence to go in there and nip that bulling in the bud and get it to stop for your daughters behalf an the many other kids that are harmed by them as well. Being a mother and keeping our children safe from all harm and evil is so hard at times and truely the only one that is there to protect our little ones when we can't be is the Lord. I pray that things get resolved soon and Jasmine can get back to enjoying her time at school and you can become worry free while she's there as well.

  39. Sandra, I don't have school-aged kids but I just thought I'd let you know that I think you're doing the right thing by stepping in. Bullying should never be tolerated. I hope the school will be helpful and resolve the problem.

  40. Sandra,

    I can relate to how you feel. Bullying led to us pulling our children out of school and home schooling them 3 years ago. I pray that this will all work out for you and Jasmine.

    Blessings to you and your family.

  41. Hi Sandra,
    How awful. I have been a volunteer and a sub at my childrens' school and have often wonder if parents teach children kindness anymore. I did witness several parents being so ugly to their own children, it's no wonder. I just wanted to suggest a book that I saw recently on the morning talk shows. It was an American Girl book about dealing with bullies written esp. for girls. Of course you want to stand up for your daughter, but this might help, too - they seemed like they had some good coping strategies for the object of the bully. Also might help your daughter know that she is definitely not alone. Just a thought. Good luck.

  42. Hi Sandra!
    I feel terrible for your Jasmine and her friend. I most definitely do NOT think you are over-reacting. I would do the same thing.


  43. We need more parents like you - the ones that hold the teachers and schools accountable. If parents don't speak up, it will continue. Teachers (in the classroom or on the play yard) are to be there for our children when we're not - it is what they are paid to do, be responsible for other people's children, to teach them, to know what they are doing and to guide them. Duty teachers should be proctoring the school yard and preventing the bullying from happening.

  44. I stumbled upon this because my father was falsely accused of sexually harassing a student of his. I googled, "I'M SO UPSET I WANT TO..." to see what would make me feel better.

    Instead, this has just brought back sad memories. I was a wonderful, nonjudgmental child. Unfortunately for children, if you don't judge, you become the judged. And the ones that are so open to do the judging are the ones that sadly need the most help. THEY are the problem...

    I am just overtired and so so so sad at the dishonesty and heartlessness of "humanity" right now.

    I admire you as a mother, and as a college kid with much to look forward to in life, I want you to know that your belief will be honored in my life when I become a parent. My children won't just NOT judge, they won't TAKE judgment. Save that for when Jesus comes back, for crying out loud. Well, that's what I say. Ugh. Anyway, you have the support of many people. Give Jasmine a hug for me. I had NO friends for the majority of my teen years simply because I refused to jump on the bandwagon and judge others behind their back. Among many other absolutely ridiculous reasons.

    Best of wishes. I'll check back because the thought of hearing back is neat, but I bet this is something I will not hear back about. I hope SOMEONE out there hears all of this...


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