I love being a mom, love it with everything that is in me.

But there is a certain age that I could easily do without, matter of fact, if I could and it were humanly possible, I would hit the fast forward button and get through it as quickly as possible.

I'm talking about the age range between 9 and 12.  Oh Lord!!!!

I believe that every single age has it's difficulties, and that every single moment in our children's lives is a test for us as parents.  I believe it, I know it, I've seen it, I've lived it and I know it's normal.

I also know that there are some ages that are particularly difficult.  They are the hormone induced ages, the *trying to show my independence* years.

For me, or rather, for my children it seems to be between the ages of 9 and 12.  I've talked about it before here on the blog.  When Jasmine went through this stage, I got to the point where I didn't want to be around her for long periods of time, because it seemed that every conversation, every interaction, ended in tantrums and fighting and rude comments and tears....usually mine.

Nicholas has always been my easy child, from the moment he was born he had this calmness about him, this kindness and thoughtfulness for others that I always admired.  Up until right before we left Arizona....when he was 9 years old about to turn 10.

Then it is like a switch gets turned on and they become a complete opposite of that calm happy child.

He was always a mama's boy and he defended me to others, protected me if he thought someone was being rude and constantly told me how much he loved me and how everything I did was the best thing in the world.  It felt good to know that my son thought the world of me.

Now we've moved on to the phase where he speaks without thinking, says hurtful things, makes comments that bother me and is so self absorbed and self centered that it drives me insane.  For the most part I can take it, heck I lived through it with his sister, but there are days that I feel stressed or down or worried and one single comment from him has me in tears again.

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, and it does, and I know in my heart he doesn't mean what he does and says...but still, in the moment, when the words are blurted out, it cuts like a knife.

I guess today was one of those for me, maybe because I'm unwell, maybe because this month has been extremely difficult budget wise with hubby's classes starting, I don't know.

I feel very vulnerable at times and close to tears and things seem to be setting me off and upsetting me at a much faster rate than usual.

Nevertheless, he continues to be my buddy.  Every weekend he comes to bed with me and lays down and we watch tv or just talk and then fall asleep until hubby comes in and moves him to his room.

We talk about all sorts of things, we laugh, he tells me all the things he likes or what he has been doing, shows me his games and his characters and includes me in everything he does.

Those moments far outweigh the bad ones.

Still, it is never easy when the child you adore says something so hurtful that makes you wonder and question if you're being the best mother you can be.  I guess that is a question we all ask ourselves at some point in time.

I don't even know why I am posting this, other than feeling the need to vent and get it out of my system, like I said.....difficult years that I wish I could fast forward through!!!