Tuesday, April 23, 2019

{ Why I left Facebook - The Dangers of Comparison }

"Sandra, you are more than enough".

Those words, those simple words were talked into my heart, a few months ago when I was struggling with my role as a homemaker and living with purpose.

I'm not going to talk again about our roles as homemakers and how important those are, if you look back on my blog archive, there are numerous posts on that subject alone.

I am however going to address the reason, or one of the main reasons why I left Facebook a few months ago.  It wasn't a decision I made on the spur of the moment, it was something that had been a long time coming and finally deeply ingrained in my heart by none other than God.

But let me backtrack a bit so this all makes sense.

I've gone back and forth with Facebook a couple of times, and have even gotten off of it for months at a time, only to return and get sucked right back in again.  The main reason was that my family and friends were all on there and it was a way of staying in touch, of seeing our family, of seeing the kids grow etc.

I was recently asked why I left again and so I thought I would address it here on the blog, because even though I've left, I haven't deactivated it.  I put up a post on there for my son's birthday on the 11th and I will put one up for my daughter on the 25th and my husband's next month.

Why?  Because I think they deserve that recognition on that day.  Other than that, I don't think you will see me on there at all.

Please keep in mind that I'm talking for myself.  I am no here to change your mind about social media, I'm not here to judge you if you use it daily, I'm merely here to talk about myself and my thoughts.

Aside from the fact that I find Facebook extremely boring, a waste of time, a playground for bullies and ridiculous fights, I think it is one of the biggest thieves of joy of our current times.

Let me explain why.

As homemakers we are often made to feel that we are not good enough, that we don't fit with the norm and that that we should be out there working, contributing to the homes and not being lazy.  It takes some thick skin to learn to let all of that nonsense just roll right off your back, but then you add in social media and the dangers of comparison kick into play.

I let myself fall into that trap.

We are a simple, down to earth family, and while we have enough money to pay bills and get food, sometimes eat out, there are a lot of things that we need to buy, need to fix or would love to do that is not possible on our income at the moment.

When you go on social media and see family and friends living it up, going on all these vacations to super cool places, eating out, buying this new thing or that new gadget, as a human, your first instinct is to feel some jealousy and immediately start comparing.  I'm guilty of that, or rather, I WAS guilty of that.

As I started my journey to a closer relationship with God, there are certain aspects of myself and my personality that I want Him to help me change or tweak.  One of those such things was the feelings of jealousy or the need to compare to others.

Google Nexus Tablet

I knew that social media was a big issue for me, Facebook especially because I'm such a simple person, I don't like drama, I don't like confrontations and fights and more and more I was feeling like I didn't belong on Facebook because all of those things above seem to be what it's all about on that platform.

The more I prayed, the more God kept telling me loud and clear "Sandra, you are more than enough.  Stop comparing yourself to others, you are not them, you are you.  You may not have what they have, at the moment, but I have great things ahead for your and Curt, just wait and see".

Being the disobedient child of God I am, I kept going to Facebook, kept scrolling through all the way to the bottom, back up to the top and nothing had changed.  You may have 200 or 300 friends but really only see about 10, and they post the same things over and over, no offense to any of my friends or family, but it's true.

All the while God kept hammering into my head that I am more than enough, that I need to stop feeling inadequate or not good enough.  Every time I would pray and ask Him to show me what to do, the answer was always the same, I already knew what needed to be done, I just didn't want to do it.

This went on for about a year, until January when a light bulb finally went off and I knew what I had to do.  I made a short post on Facebook letting people know that I wouldn't be on there and wasn't sure I would be back. 

I closed the app down and walked away.

I was fully expecting to start doubting myself, to start feeling like I had to go in every day and just check real quick, but guess what?  I didn't!!!!

I don't miss it, I don't think about it, I honestly forget it exists unless a family member or friend mentions something about it.  I don't feel the need to go and look, to go do anything on it and I've even thought about deactivating it completely.

So you ask why I left?

First and foremost because that is what God put on my heart to do, and secondly because it was the biggest thief of joy for myself.  It made me feel so bad about my life and what I've accomplished and God knew that it wasn't healthy for me.

I don't regret that decision, I'm so happy since I've been off there, I'm calm, I'm content, I'm free for lack of a better word.

You may be wondering what about Instagram, isn't that social media too?

Yes, yes it is, but I find Instagram not as time consuming for me, I only really follow homemaking and crochet pages, I don't see drama and fighting and bullying going on there and I don't post on it daily either.  So for the moment, I am not getting rid of Instagram, but if I ever feel that need in my heart, then I will have no problem disconnecting from that too.

In the end the only things that really matter are my family and my real life, and I don't need social media to have those.


  1. Facebook, or fakebook, is such a waste of time. Yes, I do have it. And it does slowly but surely eat away at you. The comparisons, and feeling left out, really do mess with how you feel about yourself and others. We get to see everyone's highlight reel, but not their actual life. I had one friend posting all her happy family pictures, but I knew she was days away from being separated from her husband. It's just so phony to me. The people I text with, talk to on a daily basis, those are the ones that I care about. Not the people that weren't friends with me in highschool, but now for some reason want to be 'friends' on there. I very rarely post pictures of my son or my husband, as they say, it's YOUR facebook, not ours. We don't have an account. We don't want to be on there. It's sad that it came out with such high hopes, and then for some, turned into something that makes you feel poorly about your every day life. Like you're not enough. But, as we know... we sure are!

  2. I got off Facebook for the month of December, just because I realized I was wasting way too much time on there instead of being present with my family. It was so freeing to give myself a break! I’m back on it now, but my habits are totally reset and I only check it a couple times a week, usually. I enjoyed reading this because I’ve felt so many of those sane things in the past. I 100% agree that Facebook is a good way to get caught up in comparison and lose your joy. I’ve experienced that too.

  3. I've really cut back on FB too, it's such a time sucker and it surely does make us feel like we fall short when compared to others. I have a hard time for the reasons you mentioned though - it's such a good way to keep in touch with others who don't live near me.

  4. I just came off of a social media fast for lent! I have to admit I did not miss Facebook the whole time! I have found that that it leaves us feeling like we need to be accepted and have what everyone one else has or our life is not good enough. I found my life less stressed when I am off Facebook. Though I need it for certain ministry things I have no plans of spending time there. I am with you I feel Instagram is a much more relaxed atmosphere. I enjoyed your post thank you for sharing your heart.

  5. I held off a long time without FB, my son is in BSA and often they would post pictures of campouts and events and I joined to view those. Then I started to follow crochet sites, and found that I was spending way to much time there. I closed the account. And came back to blogger, where I can get a more personal interaction and creative outlet for my interests, and finding like minded ladies. I am enjoying your blog, and as I am rebuilding my followers who alot have vacated and went to FB. I'm happy right here at blogger...and I like that....I am enough too! Not keeping up with the Jones's is alot less stress.

  6. I have whittled down my Facebook to a mere handful of people and pages I follow. It took over a month to unlike pages and such but I am so happy with my feed now. I flirt with getting rid of it but for now it's the only way our local home school group keeps up with meetups and such.

    All that to say I admire you so much for taking that step. I can imagine how freeing it must be.


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