Friday, January 05, 2018
When it just clicks.....
I was standing at the kitchen sink, a few days ago, and I started to pray.
I'm about to be completely open and honest with you all. I've always had major issues praying, not because I don't feel comfortable about it or don't like, but because I get myself in such a state thinking that there is a right way to go about it.
Back in 2006, I did a post about this very thing, about the fact that I struggle with praying because I almost get shell shocked. I listen to friends and family praying and they do it so effortlessly, so smoothly, the words just flowing from their mouths.
Then there's me. It's like I'm about to give a speech that needs to be perfect and use the right words, and impress God.
When I first mentioned this in that post all those years ago, I had such wonderful comments and encouragement, a few that stuck out, said pretty much the same thing:
"Speak to Him as if He was right there, like a conversation between a parent and child".
But I still found and find myself struggling, lately especially it's been to the point where I stutter, go blank and just give up at times. It's frustrating.
But the other day, as I stood at the sink, just thinking, washing dishes and pondering thoughts and ideas, I started to talk to God.
I thought I was just talking, rambling, asking for advice, for help, for his assurance and safety with the new year ahead.
About 30 minutes had gone past when I finally realized that I was not just talking, I was praying, I was actually praying, and the words that I so often heard from others during their prayers "blessings, protection, thankfulness, please watch over so and so, guide this one and that one", were flowing from my very own mouth, just flowing, no stuttering or confusion, blankness or frustration.
I really did pray and talk to my Father as if He was right there, and the feeling of that moment when it just clicked, was the best thing ever.
I doubt all my prayers will flow this easily, and I'm pretty sure that I will continue to have my moments of what I call "performance anxiety", but as long as I remind myself to let go, relax and just talk from my heart, I'm sure I'll be ok.
My newest crochet blanket is now up to Part 5 and still completely curling and pulling in all directions. I don't think it's ever going to be completely flat, and frankly after much frustration thinking about it, I've decided to just roll with the punches and stop worrying about it.
Above is the picture I took right after I completely Part 5, it's now laying in a corner of the living room, blocking. I will leave it there for two days or so and then see how it looks. I thought about tossing it in the wash for a good blocking and then continuing but I don't want to do that until it's completely finished, so I guess I'll just keep going and then worry about curling in the end.
It IS absolutely gorgeous, and I love the color.
I'm off to work on a little more of my blog to book, next week I'll be ordering two more books for myself. I wish I could get them all right now, because I have finished them all the way to 2012, but it would get rather expensive, so I'll get one a month.
Dinner tonight is Bifes de Cebolada (Portuguese Steaks) with rice and salad. I'll have to get them going around 4pm because they need about an hour to cook and we usually eat at 5pm or just a little after that.
I've also been trying to update some of my older recipes on the food blog, AND I changed the template too.
Here's one that I just made two days ago so that I could take new pictures and update it. Super simple to throw together and delicious.
Have a great rest of day and a wonderful weekend too, I'll be back tomorrow and from next week on, I'll be daily posting again :)